Dear Coquette,

Can you fall out of love with someone just as fast as you fell in love with them?
A helluva lot faster, actually.

Why am I obsessed with my boyfriend’s ex?
Because she used to touch your boyfriend’s penis.

Why would a woman claim to not be a feminist?
Because the world needs irony.

How do you cure a hangover?
Water and time.

Is doing a good thing still good if it’s to make you feel better?
If the good thing remains good independent of how it makes you feel, then yes.

I miss my ex-boyfriend who is a lying, spineless scumbag. I hate myself, how do I get over this?
Forgive yourself for missing him. (In other words, just quit hating yourself.)

What’s the best way to deal with emotional infidelity?
Honest communication.

How can you tell if a guy is using you for physical gratification or if he actually cares for you?
If I’m having consensual sex with a guy, it’s not possible for him to use me, because I accept personal responsibility for the decisions I make with my own body.

I’m 30 years old, in grad school, and I realized I’m just not that smart. What do I do?
Relax. Just do your best, try not to let people find out, and don’t use it as an excuse to quit.

He says he doesn’t want a relationship, but continues to tame my heart. Should I stop talking to him?
Nah, keep banging your head against that wall. Anyone who uses the phrase “tame my heart” needs to suffer a little bit longer.

How do I know when I love someone and I am not just lusting for them?
When you discover how little those two things have in common.

Is there even a point in being in a romantic relationship between the ages of 18 to 21?
No, but that shouldn’t stop you from trying.

How do you know the difference between extreme introspection and absolute self-absorption?
Introspection tests the ego. Self-absorption indulges it.