I was raped as a child and spent about ten years battling depression, heroin addiction and sex work. I have semi got my shit together recently but I feel a wall between me and other people as I feel I am keeping ‘the real me’ from them if they don’t know this. Though I wouldn’t want to be thought of us a just this, so why do I let it define me? Do I have to tell people this? Am I being deceptive? I feel that if I was in a relationship with a guy and he found out, he might possibly not want to be with me any more and so that makes me feel like I must tell people to find out if they really like me for me. Please help. Even just a sentence, I have never felt so alone.

Don’t tell people about your past to find out whether they really like you. That’s not fair. If you choose to tell someone about your history of trauma, it should be an act of intimacy, not a test of loyalty.

Remember, you are not your past. Your past is nobody’s fucking business unless you want it to be. You don’t have to say shit about shit. That’s not being deceptive. It’s merely being private.