Bitch, you seem burnt out. Charred down to the soul. Which brings me to my question - I’m 22 and just got my first real job. I’m making more money than I ever have, and I’m hitting my hustle harder than I ever thought I could pound. But underneath all this I feel a distinct, deep unease. Dread, even. My question is - why? Why bother? Why put so much energy into a thing that doesn’t really mean anything, in a time and place that is so brutally senseless? Just….why.
Yeah, I’m fucking fried. It happens every once in a while, but I’m not burnt out. I’m burnt down. There’s a difference.
I’ll eventually find some fire for my pilot light, but until then, uncertainty will be fucking with my head just like it’s fucking with yours. I’m okay with that, mainly because I’ve been here before, and I know I don’t have a choice but to keep my shit together and push through it.
That’s something you’ll eventually learn too. The dread and unease will come and go. You just have to let it. Acknowledge, but don’t engage. Sit down next to your uncertainty, and don’t say a fucking word. Whatever you do, don’t start asking it questions, especially existential ones like, “why?”
It doesn’t matter why, because you will never know why. Never. Get cozy with that. When you start asking the big question, remind yourself that there is no answer, and then just let it go.
Remember, none of this has to mean anything for you to enjoy yourself.