Category Archives: Advice

Advice

On self-awareness

You sound like a know-it-all. Get over yourself and learn how to be humble. There’s something bigger than you.

In the hopes of bringing you a small glimpse of self-awareness, the following is a direct translation from the conscious words you chose into the message your ego is actually communicating:

“It makes me uncomfortable that you sound smarter than me. I would feel better about myself if you would get in your place and learn how to be subservient. I need a higher power in my life because my world view is governed by fear of my own insignificance.”

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Advice

On another easy one

I just had a debate with my boyfriend regarding the street harassment video you posted. His points were that it is the nature of men to let women know they find them attractive, how else are men supposed to approach a woman they find attractive?, and maybe if a woman doesn’t dress sexually she won’t be treated in a sexual manner. He also stated that maybe women should understand how the male mind works before we get upset about it. I was so fuming and disappointed that I couldn’t come up with an appropriate argument. Please help!


Break up with him.

I’m dead fucking serious. Break up with him, because this wasn’t a debate. This was him showing you his true nature. You deserve better. Every woman does.

Break up with him, and when he cries like a little punk, tell him that maybe he should understand how the female mind works before he gets upset about it.

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Advice

On an easy one

I recently discovered my boyfriend’s tinder account (I went snooping on his tablet after a friend tipped me off). He was messaging several girls, and met up with at least one at a party. I contacted her, she swears nothing happened, but they were texting and facebook messaging for a few days prior. He had the account for 2 weeks, and we’ve been fighting recently. He seems remorseful and accepted responsibility, but he also said tinder was “similar” to flirting at a bar. I don’t want to break up, but I feel backed into a corner. What do I do?

Break up with him.

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Advice

On misogynistic terror threat lemonade

Anita Sarkeesian had to cancel a lecture at Utah State because some psychopath threatened to murder a bunch of people if she spoke because “feminists ruined his life” and other head-in-ass dribble like that. And apparently Utah’s open-carry policy prevented the police from doing firearm searches of the attendees. This is just so many levels of fucked up.


Actually, this is turning out to be a pretty great story, and Anita Sarkeesian is playing her hand beautifully.

Here’s the fucked up thing: Anita gets death threats all the time. As a woman trying to bring a feminist message into gamer culture, she’s a constant target for harassment, and she’s given any number of public lectures under threat of violence. What was different about today is Utah’s conceal-carry gun laws.

No matter how much USU or the police assured Sarkeesian of her safety, they still couldn’t prevent people from legally bringing concealed firearms to the venue, and after the overt threat of a mass shooting at the event, she was able to leverage her cancelation into a national story. It’s really quite impressive.

I’m glad that she canceled the event, and I’m glad that this story is getting so much attention. Up until today, only a handful of gamers and feminists even knew who Anita Sarkeesian was. This is going to elevate her profile to the national stage, freshly dipped in righteousness, with a galvanized message about how much we all need feminism in a culture so obviously steeped in misogynistic violence.

And the cowardly twerp who wrote the death threat? I’ll bet a thousand bucks right now that he’ll be spending the holidays (and likely the next few years) in federal prison. The FBI is damn good at finding little neckbearded fuckboys who think they know how to mask an IP address, especially when there’s the added pressure of national publicity.

It started out fucked-up, but I have a feeling this story will have a happy ending.

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Advice

On Bill, Ben, and Sam

Opinions of Sam Harris and Ben Affleck on Bill Maher the other night? Every time I see a comment in support of Ben Affleck a little part of my hope for the human race dies. Why was Ben Affleck on there at all? Waste of air!


Ben Affleck was there to promote his stubble… I mean, his latest movie… and to his credit, Ben is usually much more well informed and articulate than most of the Hollywood fameballs Bill Maher uses to round out his panel.

I like Ben, although I happen to disagree with his sanctimonious reaction to Bill’s overly simplistic characterization of Islam. Both of them should have shut the fuck up and let Sam Harris finish a goddamn sentence, because Sam was the only one bringing anything of substance to the table. Sam Harris made the most salient point of the show when he said the following:

“Liberals have really failed on the topic of theocracy. They’ll criticize white theocracy. They’ll criticize Christians. They’ll still get agitated over the abortion clinic bombing that happened in 1984, but when you want to talk about the treatment of women and homosexuals and free thinkers and public intellectuals in the Muslim world, I would argue that liberals have failed us, and the crucial point of confusion is that we have been sold this meme of Islamophobia, where criticism of the religion gets conflated with bigotry towards Muslims as people. It’s intellectually ridiculous.”

The problem with Ben’s hostile response, however good his intentions, is that he immediately proved Sam’s entire point. By insinuating that Bill Maher and Sam Harris were racist bigots, Ben elegantly demonstrated exactly the kind of liberal failure Sam was describing.

Sam Harris was right. He is right. “We have to be able to criticize bad ideas,” he later said, and “Islam at this moment is the motherlode of bad ideas.”

Again, he’s right, and a solid line has to be drawn between rational criticism of contemporary Islamic theocracy and the kind of ignorant bigotry against Muslim people we too often see coming from the xenophobic Fox News contingent. It’s a huge distinction that Ben Affleck and all the people applauding him continually refuse to acknowledge.

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Advice

On a woman’s choice

I haven’t told the father of the fetus I’m carrying that I’m pregnant. I know he’ll pressure me to keep the thing and I can’t imagine how angry he’d be if I aborted it. Is that justification for not telling him? We’ve been friends for so long and I’d hate to lie to him, but I don’t want to have a baby.

You don’t want to have a baby. That’s it. That’s all. That’s the only thing that matters. You don’t have to tell him — now or ever — and there’s no need for any justification. This is your choice. Not his.

(You probably will tell him at some point in the future, but don’t worry about that right now. If he won’t support your decision, go do what you gotta do first. Your health and well-being are the only priority. His opinions on the matter don’t even make the list.)

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Advice

On knowing when it’s over

My boyfriend of a 7 year rocky relationship has given me a horrible ultimatum. He is choosing to not accompany me to a concert for financial, transportation and probably personality issues. If I choose to go without him, he moves out. What do I do?

This isn’t a real ultimatum, because the relationship is already over. It ended some time ago, but neither of you are ready to formally acknowledge it yet.

He’s too much of a pussy to just break up with you, and this lame attempt at manipulation is his way of trying to force your hand.

This isn’t about some stupid concert. Fuck that shit. It doesn’t matter whether you go, but whatever else happens, know that it’s over and that your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend should start moving out right away.

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Advice

On misogynistic hate speech

Stefan Molyneux, a Canadian philosopher, says that the reason there are so many assholes in this world is because women keep procreating with assholes. He says if women chose better men, the world would be a better place. I’m offended by this theory, and I’m amazed at the following he has garnered given that all his other ideas are whack too. I suck at arguing, and was wondering what you would have to say about a theory like that.


Please don’t give Stefan Molyneux credibility by calling him a philosopher. He’s more of a wannabe cult leader, a sort of fraudulent pseudo-philosopher with poisonous ideas for weak-minded libertarian narcissists.

Of course, Molyneux’s ideas are also violently misogynistic. In fact, I would classify a good portion of Molyneux’s rantings as overt hate speech. He’s a repulsive and angry little man who suffers from a particularly virulent strain of Nice Guy Syndrome, and his toxic ideas aren’t even worthy of a response.

If you’re in the mood for an impassioned rebuttal to Molyneax’s disgusting remarks, watch this YouTube video by Matt Binder and Michael Brooks.

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Advice

On being terminated

omg. I tried to come to your website earlier and it said the page didn’t exist. almost lost my mind.

I know how you feel. After yesterday’s termination incident, I’ve taken out an insurance policy by creating a completely separate tumblr account called Kill Coke Talk where I’ve duplicated my various themes and general data structure, including Dear Coquette.It’s sort of the blogging equivalent of a FEMA trailer, where if my original account is ever terminated permanently, I’ll be able to flip a few switches and at least have a digital roof over my head.

Hopefully I’ll never have to use it, but everyone should go ahead and follow Kill Coke Talk. If anything ever happens to my original account, that’s where you’ll be able to find me.

Thanks so much!

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Advice

On a sheltered twit

Recently there’s been fat-positive media popping up and I really think it’s great! The problem is that it’s been provoking conflicting feelings in me with the whole “skinny-shaming” trend, like in Meghan Trainor’s All About That Bass. I get really uncomfortable when it gets to the parts in the song where they talk about skinny bitches, since it’s not portrayed positively at all. I really want to like it, but it just makes me really uneasy.

And that’s the whole point, no? I’m feeling uneasy because, for the first time of my life, I’m being confronted with a privilege I have that is problematic. So how do I get over this self-centered view of the whole thing and embrace the fat-positive results that are taking place thanks to it?

Are you seriously writing to me about your mild emotional discomfort with some piece of shit novelty track that panders to the fat acceptance trend?

Your problem is that you really want to like that painfully awful song? Is this honestly what you just brought to my door? Ugh, you sheltered fucking twit.

Your problem isn’t that you’re privileged. (Though clearly you are.) Your problem is that you’re made entirely of soft candy, and you have objectively horrible taste in the kind of pop culture ephemera you choose to consume.

I’d tell you to go get some real problems, but that would be cruel and pointless, because the worst thing that’s ever happened to you is bad cell phone reception, and you aren’t ready for any kind of advice that couldn’t be communicated with emoji.

For now, please just start listening to better music, and rest assured that the concept of “skinny shaming” belongs in the same pile of imaginary bullshit as cisphobia, misandry, and reverse racism.

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