Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

Covid19 is a scam. I’m going to be straight with you coke. With a platform like yours, it’s going to be embarrassing for you when more and more people find out the truth. It’s already leaking everywhere and they’re struggling to stop it getting out. I know you’re programmed as hell and part of the woke mentality, but it is time the wake the fuck up motherfucker. Please watch both these documentaries. One of them actually shows how they staged hospital scenes for the news and stuff. Its quite disturbing. Best to take the red pill though.
You are suffering from a delusional disorder. You need treatment. Please seek help. I am being completely serious about this. If you need assistance finding mental health care services, let me know, and I will do what I can to direct you to appropriate resources.

What would you do about a cross-border (US-Canada), 5-year long relationship that has been long distance for 6 months and looks like it will be indefinitely so? I’m going crazy.
What scale of indefinitely are we talking about? Indefinite for another six months or indefinite for another six years? Six months is nothing. You can tough it out, but if there’s no clear and realistic path towards being together again by 2022, it’s probably time to move on with your life.

I found my therapist’s Twitter and she retweeted Deepak Chopra. I have to stop seeing her, right?
Therapists are notoriously bad at front-facing social media. They can’t disclose much about themselves or say anything spicy, so it usually ends up being either bland academic jargon or insufferably cloying inspirational quotes. The benign version of Deepak Chopra falls into that latter category, so if it was just some fortune cookie bullshit, you may want to forgive her, but if she retweeted any of his woo-woo “quantum healing” pseudoscience nonsense, you should probably have a talk with her.

How do you believe this retarded woke shit when the rest of your advice is pretty good?
You seem to be confusing my intelligence and empathy for a political orientation. It’s an easy mistake to make with your head shoved so far up your own ass.

My boyfriend is liking half-naked women on Instagram (people from IRL, not the models). Cheated once before in the very beginning of our relationship. The sharing of hearts on social media makes me insecure. I’ve told him, he continues. What to do?
You can either become more secure or you can break up with him. Alternatively, you can become more secure AND you can break up with him. 

What age, in years, is too old for clubbing?
There is a club for every age, darling. If you can get in and enjoy yourself respectfully, then you are the right age for that club.

Wait, do you have a problem with Muslims?
No, I have a problem with Islam. 

Why do I find Meghan Markle so fascinating?
Because you’re basic.

How do you feel about the Chateau Marmont converting to a private members-only hotel?
Couldn’t care less. My version of Los Angeles has been dead for a decade. The city belongs to a new generation now, as it should. They can do with it whatever they please. It is no longer my concern.


36 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. Chris says:

    “You seem to be confusing my intelligence and empathy for a political orientation.”

    Much more well said than I have tried to put it, but exactly what I mean when I try to talk to someone who says ‘how could anyone ever vote for Trump?’ and I talk to them about how some people just always vote for the one party, and others vote against other people, so get stuck with a shitty person, and then I mention my friend “Fred” who is Mexican, and married a woman from another country, and has 3 half-Mexican kids, and is the first person to send $50 to your GoFundMe, even if you’re and he have Facebook fights about politics.

  2. Rocket Grunt says:

    I think it’s really sad that we have politicians who would rather feed the delusions of the mentally ill than take any sort of responsibility for their failures.

  3. Kelly says:

    Suddenly any person using the words “research” or “documentary” is almost certain to have no real concept of what either of those things are. 2020 is a real son of a bitch.

  4. Notyourfan says:

    You don’t have a problem with Islam. You have a problem with brown people. I already figured you were on the side of upholding white supremacy, but this just confirms it.

    • CQ says:

      Wow. I don’t know which is more magnificent, the jaw-dropping amounts of irony or the head-exploding amounts of stupidity it takes to come at me with an accusation of white supremacy while you’re simultaneously equating brown people with Islam. Do you get how wildly inappropriate that is? Are you even capable of recognizing the galaxy-brain level error you’re making?

      • Notyourfan says:

        Muslims are stereotypically brown, and given your output of work, an accusation of white supremacy is a fair assessment. Can you handle it? Why did the accusation strike a chord? Do you have the same problem with Christianity or Judaism? Is your problem with Islam, or religion as a whole? Are you more concerned about being called racist, or are you actually putting in the work to become anti racist? Are you capable of doing the hard work of reflecting internally on yourself as to how you came across that world view? Do you not understand how your tone comes across as condescending and not to mention, a huge turn off? Are you deflecting because someone made you check your unverified privilege? You are an American, and it seems like you’ve been spiked with Fox News propaganda whether you are aware of it or not. Are you capable of recognizing why your worldview might be flawed because of the world that you grew up in? Can you deinvest yourself from the environment of how you were raised? Are you sure that you aren’t overreacting to a good point? I am on the right side of history, but it appears that I am in the wrong room.

        • Quinn says:

          …How much of Coke’s other writing on religion and race have you actually read? Because I’m reasonably sure the answer is “not enough”

        • Cuttlefish says:

          LOL if you’re actually asking if Coke has issues with Judiasm, Christianity or religion as a whole, you clearly have no idea at all who you are criticizing or what the fuck you are talking about.

          And why are you assuming Coke is white?

          • whoami says:

            even if one is aware of coke’s ideas over the years, anti-clericalism and atheism are not obvious, unattackable stances. the fact that she decided to answer by only mentioning Islam is questionable regardless

          • whoami says:

            as a rule if your answer to a question here is “you must be new to the readership lol” you might be sucking toes and not reading critically at all

          • farrah says:

            Whoami, where did she specifically mention Islam, other than in response to the question that specifically asked if she had a problem with Muslims?

          • whoami says:

            farrah my point was she could have said “organized religion” and not “islam” if her point was that she didn’t have an axe to grind with that religion in particular (because in that case yes living in contemporary america as a white non-believer means that view is bound to be tinted by a shitload of orientalism)

  5. Notyourfan says:

    Do you have the same problem with Christianity or Judaism? Is the problem with Islam, or religion? Are you more concerned about being called racist, or are you actually putting in the work to become anti racist? Are you capable of reflecting internally on yourself as to how you came across that world view? Do you not understand how your tone comes across as condescending? Are you deflecting because someone made you check your unverified privilege? You are an American, and it seems like you’ve been sipping the Fox News kool aid. Muslims are stereotypically brown. Are you capable of holding yourself accountable

    • CQ says:

      Are you fucking new here? Of course I have the same problem with Christianity and Judaism. The entire Abrahamic trifecta can eat a billion bags of dicks. I’ve been crystal clear and consistent with regard to organized religion for over a damn decade, so keep the fuck up. As for my tone, yeah it’s condescending. That’s the whole fucking point, you simpleton. People come here to get verbally spanked, particularly when they deserve it, which is why you keep coming back for more. Now it’s your turn to be interesting. Let’s see if you have anything worth saying. Impress me.

      • Notyourfan says:

        Why would I want to impress you? I’m doing fine. A little afraid for the future like most sane human beings, but fine.

        History is repeating itself, and we don’t know how to stop it.

        “In the most extensive investigation of China’s internment camp system ever done using publicly available satellite images, coupled with dozens of interviews with former detainees, BuzzFeed News identified more than 260 structures built since 2017 and bearing the hallmarks of fortified detention compounds. There is at least one in nearly every county in the far-west region of Xinjiang. During that time, the investigation shows, China has established a sprawling system to detain and incarcerate hundreds of thousands of Uighurs, Kazakhs, and other Muslim minorities, in what is already the largest-scale detention of ethnic and religious minorities since World War II.”

        • Anna says:

          How exactly are you helping the Uighurs ?
          No one is arguing that all Muslims are evil or they shouldn’t benefit from the same human rights as everyone else.

          Also, how do you even know that Coke is white ?

          • fer says:

            Coke posted pictures in the past of part of her body quite some years ago and she is, in fact, white.

          • Anna says:

            How different skin tones appear on camera depends on lighting, contrast, etc. And that’s beside the fact there are white passing non-white people.

    • Rocket Grunt says:

      CQ’s been bashing Christianity and organized religion for a decade, and made some interesting commentary about the difference between religion and spirituality. If you have a problem with her one statement about being anti-Islam and no issue with her many posts about being anti-Christian, you’re the one who needs to do some self-analysis.

      Also, she describes her blog as “shady advice from a raging bitch who has no business answering any of these questions.” You probably shouldn’t be here if you’re offended by her tone.

      • Quinn says:

        You must be pretty new here… and you also must not be reading her other comments on this post. Coke has been pretty outspoken with her issues with all organized religion, particularly/specifically the big three Abrahamic ones. She’s written loads on this blog criticizing Christianity in particular, and she’s written plenty on the difference between respecting a person and respecting their beliefs.

  6. Rambles the Roo says:

    How can she become more secure in the relationship on her own? You can’t have, of course, meant that she simply stifle her doubts and pretend she’s not feeling what she’s feeling, so I assume you probably mean she must find more sources of self-esteem outside of her relationship.

    Her boyfriend dropped a bomb on the relationship before it had even begun. Maybe it was thoughtlessness and disrespect, maybe it was preemptive retaliation for the freedom he would inevitably lose in a relationship, maybe it was a fear of intimacy that led him to try to control the distance between them or sabotage potential closeness. Whatever it is, the relationship can only proceed if this is addressed, is that not so? After a breach of trust, the person who violated the trust must show real remorse, and both partners must understand what happened in order to move forward. The cheating is not about her, but adequate empathy and real love would prompt him to reassure her, would it not?

    So I don’t know. This is interesting. On one hand, she’s insecure. But she has reason to be. Her boyfriend betrayed her. But I have a feeling the insecurity was present before her boyfriend entered the picture.
    Was her insecurity was a precursor to entering this relationship? In fact, how did her insecurities affect her behaviors and actions in the early phases of the relationship? How does it impact her daily life? Funnily enough, I wonder if she’s not even more terrified of intimacy than her boyfriend. Entering a relationship in which her she has already been betrayed– what does that do? What does that prevent? She’s living in fear of betrayal, but the betrayal has already happened.

    If she does become more secure, what does that look like? I’d imagine that her words would become more relaxed, her questions more open-ended, her actions less controlling. Does she stay with this guy? We can’t know because we don’t know the guy. Maybe once this happens, they inch into intimacy together, this time as friends. Maybe he’s just a douche who leaves Instagram comments on models’ pages and she should get up from their cum-stained loveseat and walk out. I dunno. What did you mean? Did I get any of it right?

    • K says:

      CQ’s saying that OP needs to either fix this distrust or break up, instead of staying at an unhealthy standstill. She’s not saying OP’s boyfriend is worthy of trust.

      OP, if you read this – I know you’re tired. Can you imagine being in a relationship where your guy likes nude photos and you feel absolutely nothing, because you know you’re safe and that he’s faithful to you? You don’t have to do this.

      • R says:

        It’s possible to be in a relationship with a guy (I’m assuming this is a hetero relationship) who just doesn’t browse nude photos on social media. They exist more than you think. It’s a little unfair to put all the burdens of putting on a “I’m SO secure” facade on the OP or any person in the relationship in conjunction with their SO’s indulgence in gazing or else they’re seemingly a (any kind of pejorative). It’s annoying to see women’s advice that basically tells them well, “either you put up with this behavior that doesn’t align with your personal values whatsoever or there’s something deeply broken within you” to some degree. However, I’m not saying that OP doesn’t have self tending to do. If you’re the type of person who doesn’t enjoy your SO blatantly liking nude photos on social media where you know they can see that you can see it, it’s okay to not be okay with this…then find someone who shares your view or at least is willing to consider and respect it. With the cheating context aside (an important one here, I understand), it appears to be incompatibilities with expectations within a relationship. Good luck OP, I know you can recover from this and make it out stronger.

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