There’s a hot and successful guy who keeps asking me out and I am unable to utter the words “I’m flattered but I have a boyfriend” so I just keep dodging him and I’m a terrible person and I just wanted to tell someone so there you go.
Tell your boyfriend. Seriously. Tell him.
You don’t have to be all serious about it. That kind of shit can be hilarious if you know how to spin it. Besides, if you aren’t comfortable enough in your relationship that you can talk to your boyfriend about other dudes throwing game at you, then what the fuck are you doing with your life?
Fuck it. Go deep or go home.
Any guesses as to why is it rare for me to achieve an orgasm unless I’m being choked?
Um, yeah. It’s simple behavioral reinforcement. Cerebral hypoxia makes for one hell of an antecedent stimulus prior to orgasm.
Do I want safe and warm, or do I want ecstatic?
Quit making false dichotomies with your love life.
When is using the word “whore” appropriate? Or is it never?
Feel free to use the word “whore” to describe a person who puts a price on their integrity. Never use the word “whore” to impugn a person’s promiscuity.
There’s shit music on at a party. The host is loving it, everyone else is staring awkwardly at the ground. Socially acceptable to quietly change playlists?
Sure, but if you’re more comfortable leaving the party than you are changing the music, simply get the fuck out. Either way, don’t ever let anyone hold you hostage with bad music.
What would your match.com profile say? From the “tagline” all the way down to the “about me and what I’m looking for” section.
Match.com? Are you kidding me? That’s the worst dating site on the planet. It’s a creepy-as-fuck graveyard of fake and abandoned profiles scotch-taped together with a horrible user interface. Never use match.com.
Gay here. My husband seems moody lately. One evening, he is just so irritated the minute I walk in, cant get a straight answer - seems like border line abuse to me. Then next evening he wants to plan the next vacation, cooks dinner and be as polite as can be. Is it just me thinking it???
Dude. People have moods. Sometimes they’re shitty. Maybe learn to back the fuck off occasionally, and quit making it about you.
So is your idea of the perfect marriage is one in which you and your partner are free to have extra-marital sex?
In a way, yes, but “free” implies that there are no consequences. That’s not how open relationships work.
Survived the holidays alright, Coquette?
Ha! Yep. Had to bite my tongue when my mom announced “the Indians should just get over it” with regard to changing the name of the Washington Redskins. Other than that, it was a pretty chill Thanksgiving.
I love that you take time to find and use the letter ‘é’ when you write French words.
Details fucking matter.
I’m currently sitting here feeling like I got hit by a truck, with bruises all over my body. This is not the first time my fiance has physically abused me, and I am sure it will not be the last. It is however, the worst. This time it was because I wanted to do something that he didn’t want me to, because of his insecurities. I know that he does this as a power play, because he loves the manipulation. But I think he really wants to get help this time. Who should he turn to? Am I a gullible idiot?
1. If he is with you now, simply get up and leave without saying another word to him. Go to a safe place with friends or family who support you. If that’s not possible, look online and find the nearest battered women’s shelter or police station and go there. The point is to get away from him right now. Do this immediately.
2. Once you are in a safe place, call the police. Do this tonight. Do not wait until tomorrow.
3. Have them fill out a report, provide them with the pictures of your bruises, and tell them you want to press charges. Have your ex-fiancé arrested, and do not help him post bail or accept any phone calls from him.
4. That’s right. Ex-fiancé. Make a commitment to yourself right now that you will never marry a man who beats you. It doesn’t matter that you love him. It doesn’t matter that he loves you. The only thing that matters is that you break this fucking cycle of abuse by finally getting out of this relationship.
5. Do not make one more excuse. Especially for him. Do not make this about him or what he needs. This is about you and what you need. Fuck him, and fuck who he should turn to. If he wants to get help, fine. Let him get help on his own goddamn time. Let him get help after you’ve taken out an order of protection against him. Let him get help when he’s facing a domestic violence conviction. Or not, because fuck him.
6. Move on with your life. As impossible as it seems right now, you can get past this. You do not need him. You deserve better than this, and I promise that if you start taking these steps, your life will improve.
7. This is not an overreaction. Everything I just said needs to happen, and you need to take action immediately. Go back to step one and read this again until you’ve summoned the strength to actually do it.
My boyfriend and I are poly and we recently went to a sex club that we like. I had a great time, but at the end of the night when I overheard him asking the woman he’d been involved with if he could “call her sometime,” I found myself getting really upset. I would be fine with that in any other context, but I had viewed this as a place where we went in, had fun, and got out. He feels like we should be able to stay in contact with people we meet there because it’s hard to find poly people out in the world, but this place is teaming with them. I think that makes sense, but it still makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason that I can’t fully identify. Part of me wants to work through these feelings and try to be ok with staying in contact with people we meet there, and part of me just wants to say “I’m uncomfortable with it and so we can’t do that.” What do you think?
Your issue isn’t that your boyfriend asked for this woman’s number. Your issue is that he didn’t check with you first. That’s why it’s bugging you.
He assumed you’d be cool with him swapping contact info, and you probably would have been, but he never explicitly asked to see how you felt about it, and now it’s turned into a thing.
Don’t worry. Shit like this is easy to fix. You just have to make a few minor adjustments to your sex club protocol. The couples that I’ve seen handle this the best are the ones who always involve each other in the decision to remain in contact with a play friend. They do it together.
If you’re there as as couple, then at the very least, your boyfriend should know to get your explicit permission before he asks to stay in contact with someone. Same rules apply to you. You shouldn’t give a dude your number without checking in with your boyfriend first.
Of course, just because one of you asks doesn’t mean the other has to say yes. If either of you get a bad vibes, you should both feel free to say no. It’s perfectly okay to stay in contact with people you meet at sex clubs, but there’s also nothing wrong with being picky about it.
Was Katy Perry’s AMA performance racist? Break it down for me, Coke.
Her performance was most certainly culturally appropriative — that much is obvious, but whether that appropriation rises to the level of racism depends on how you frame it.
If she had come out in blackface or wearing some sexed-up Pocahontas outfit and done the same type of performance using either African-American or Native-American cultural signifiers, then it’s an easy yes. As a rich, white American celebrity, that shit would have been racist.
It’s a little tougher to make the same call when it comes to Japanese culture, because there isn’t the same history of oppression that makes appropriation so inherently disrespectful. Then again, given America’s tumultuous relationship with the Japanese (let’s not forget those atomic bombs and internment camps), it’s not an impossible argument to make.
Again, it’s all in how you frame it. Is this an example of a Westerner cartoonishly lampooning an Eastern culture? Yep, it definitely looks that way. She didn’t have malice in her heart when she loaded up her performance with Japanese cultural signifiers, but that’s not really an excuse. She wasn’t intentionally trying to be disrespectful, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t a big fat stupid example of Ugly-Americanism writ large at the American Music Awards.
The problem with Katy Perry is that she should have known better. Normally when some American idiot gets obsessed with Japanese culture, she just annoys her high-school friends with a bunch of Hello Kitty nonsense until she grows out of it. Unfortunately, Katy Perry is a fucking superstar, so when she gets obsessed with kimonos and Geishas, dumb shit like this happens.
Ultimately, I’ll be curious to find out how actual Japanese people respond it. I’m comfortable calling Katy Perry’s performance a quintessential case of insensitive cultural appropriation, but that doesn’t automatically mean racism.
Whether it’s racist is for the Japanese to decide, and I honestly couldn’t tell you if they’ll embrace it, reject it, or even give a shit in the first place.
Reading your blog got me out of bed just now. It even got me a roll of baking paper and a black texta and writing an outline for the next 7 years. An outline that ended with, “Do you really want to get to the end of your life and think, well that turned out exactly how I thought it would?” Just in case I get too caged again.
I pulled up the blinds and threw open the window. The tiny crystal my brother gave me is flicking tiny rainbows onto my walls.
Don’t worry. Your life won’t turn out how you think it will, but it’s nice to have a few goals on a roll of parchment.
If your tiny crystal is flicking rainbows, that means you’re somewhere on the other side of the world. Give the daylight my regards.
Your inspiration is my insomnia.
Hillary over Warren because Warren is not a viable candidate or because you actually prefer Hillary?
I actually prefer Hillary. At this point, she’s more qualified to be President than anyone else on the planet, including her husband.
Warren is fantastic, but she’s still more functionary than figurehead. She’d go great in Hillary’s cabinet, preferably as Treasury Secretary. With Yellen as Fed Chair, that would be an unprecedented triumvirate of women in charge of the whole goddamned monetary system.
What do you think about monogamy?
I think it’s limiting, problematic, and too often confused with fidelity.
What do you think about Chuck Palahniuk?
I think he’s great. I want him to go all Roald Dahl and start writing children’s books.
How does George Zimmerman have a girlfriend?
What do you think about Adam Levine?
I do not think about Adam Levine. At all. Ever. (Even just now, answering this question, didn’t think a single thing about him.)
You’ll be voting for Hillary, right?
Voting? Hell, I’d leave my job to work on her campaign.
Is Angelina Jolie for real? She seems so great, does all this great stuff, has these gorgeous kids she both adopted and created with Brad…what’s she hiding?
Nothing. Well, nothing unusual. Just crippling self doubt and decades worth of daddy issues. You know, just like the rest of us.
Why does my skin crawl whenever someone says “my parents taught me to be tolerant.”
Because what they’re really saying is “my parents taught me how to mask my arrogance and manage my white guilt with sanctimonious lip service to basic human decency.”
Have you ever had your IQ formally tested? Do you know what your actual IQ is? I ask for a paper I’m writing for my Intro to Psychology class.
Yep. I had my IQ formally tested for a research study back in school. I don’t know my score, but it was more than three standard deviations from the mean, so I couldn’t participate in the study. (At least, that’s what they told me.)
So tell us, how did you mend your heart over the last month?
I’m currently writing a book about millennial drug culture… this isn’t some “poor little rich girl” Cat Marnell-style name-drop fest either. I’m trying to really dig deep into my experiences as a festival lot rat the past 7 years (and Coachella does NOT count, I’m talking real festivals and real bands). And dig further into the concept that being a heavy recreational user in this era is just as important now as it was in the 60’s, I want to bring understanding that the counterculture didn’t die at Altamont, but lives on as the bastard child of the past 4 decades.
As someone who has wonderful taste in literature and values books, do you think writing a book is a total waste of time these days? I sincerely don’t think this whole concept could be fit into a blog but I can’t shake this feeling that the published word (no matter what its about) is being shoved aside and that this is a waste of efforts.
Writing a book is never a waste of time. The published word is an ever-evolving art form, and good storytelling will never be shoved aside as long as the human experiment continues.
Also, Coachella does count. Don’t be an asshole about this. Seven years is long enough for you to remember what that festival used to be, and the worst mistake you can make is pissing off legions of potential readers by telling them that the bands they love aren’t “real,” whatever that means.
While you’re at it, be careful not to eulogize the 60’s too much. That decade gets way more credit than it deserves. The fucking baby-boomers who were our age back then claim counterculture as their creation in the same way that every generation thinks they invented oral sex.
Fuck that noise. Sure, we all would’ve loved to have seen Hendrix live at the Fillmore, but our drugs are a helluva lot better, and I’m willing to bet that Miike Snow live at the Fonda was just as much of a religious experience for those who were there.
Don’t ever try and talk yourself out of writing a book. Leave the bullshit excuses about the state of the industry for the sad bastards who have already given up on their dream of being published.
If it’s in your head, get it the fuck out. Worst case, it’s a piece of shit that sits on a shelf, but that’s still infinitely better than daring yourself to do it and then never following through.
Whoa, back up here, please.
Parents need to support their children all the way. I’m not talking about financially spoiling them. I’m talking about helping their child to see that trying and failing is nothing that will kill you. They need to get behind their child and help them see how to focus. While you are almost definitely right on the nose with slashes, I feel you’re off the mark with support. This girls problem is that she’s unrealistic, not that her parents should or shouldn’t support her. Either her mom or dad should google her some auditions and give her some bus fare.
Um, no. Parents should love their children unconditionally. Supporting them unconditionally is how you get narcissistic monsters high on their own self-esteem.
The childish desire to be a singer/model/dancer/actor might be cute (if not annoying) in a seven year old, but it’s a glaring fucking character flaw in a seventeen year old.
Encouraging your children to pursue their interests is one thing, but don’t confuse developing their talents for indulging their egos. Getting your little girl dance or voice lessons is completely different from allowing her to grow up with some unspecified craving for celebrity.
It’s not like this kid is a C student with unrealistic dreams of getting into medical school. This is a fame-obsessed twit with the pathological desire to be the center of every stage.
Point is, there are dreams you get behind and help your child try even if they fail, and there are fantasies that simply just should not be supported.