Fun-Sized Advice

On more fun-sized advice

How do I spin “the startup I’m working at has top-level executive and management problems that are causing it to implode” as I search for a new job in a different legal department?
Perhaps try “Opportunity for growth with my current employer has reached its potential, and I’m eager to devote my time and energy to a company with a clear vision and stable leadership.”

Is it true what they say, that creativity is like a muscle? If you work hard enough, anyone can develop it?
I suppose creativity is like a muscle, but don’t kid yourself. Some folks are just born with more than others, and no matter how hard you work, there are natural limits to what you’ll be able to develop. (Oh, and taking the right combination of drugs definitely helps, but for some reason our culture considers that cheating.)

If we’re supposed to be getting rid of Ego, is there any situation in which we should “have our pride”?
The egoless version of pride is dignity. Try having that instead.

ugh dating in the Bay Area is just as obnoxious as in LA, the ego is just a different flavor. But I met a good person who has his shit together and I like everything about him except one thing. One very. small. thing. Now what?
I’m much less concerned about your indictment of his penis size than I am about your lukewarm use of “good” and “like.” Is “great” and “love” a possibility with this guy? It just feels like you’re settling. Plus, the phrase “has his shit together” feels like a red flag. Not for him. For you. It’s code for the fact that you tend to date losers, which clues me into why you might be settling.

Any advice for watching your best friends destroy each other in a failing marriage that they both refuse to give up on? I’m keeping out of it (was stung earlier) but they’ve become impossible emotional sponges.
Yeah, you’re not keeping out of it. They won’t let you. You’re basically in an emotional threesome, and it’s time you learned how to set a proper fucking boundary. Tell them to go get a couples therapist. Find one for them if you have to, because you’re done being their third party. Don’t let either of them bring anymore mess into your house. Be firm. Be rude if necessary, but refuse to be a passenger on their sinking ship.

A close friend is about to get married. She hasn’t known him all that long, and is still in the honeymoon period of the relationship (she said so herself). They’ve never had a single fight. She can’t even name one annoying habit he has. She’s always been a very rational person, and now she seems to be under some bizarre love spell. I don’t trust him at all. I feel like this marriage is a mistake, but I know I can’t say anything to her without ruining our friendship. But I’m dreading the wedding and what will come after. How do I get through it?
It really depends on why you don’t trust him. How good are your instincts with shit like that? Is he dangerous? A little shady? A garden variety asshole? Or is it possible that your mistrust is a manifestation of jealousy over your fading friendship? Personally, I wouldn’t say shit unless you have hard evidence that he poses some kind of risk to her health or safety. Otherwise, this is her mistake to make. It happens all the time.

Superficial question: have you ever been at the Burning Man? You sound like the kind of person who has almost founded it. Just curious.
I can’t tell if this is an insult or a compliment. A good portion of my former LA crew were burners. I’ve helped build art cars and I’ve counseled countless costume choices, but I could never go myself because the week always landed during my busiest season. I suppose it’s a subculture I understand from a distance, which is kind of the way I prefer it.

Should I dry clean these jeans? They say I should, but they’re jeans.
Call your mother.

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Advice

On pretending to know things

I get the feeling that you’re really good at pretending to know things, but you don’t actually know anything.

 

Well, yeah. I’ve said from day one that I am completely full of shit. That’s not really the same as pretending to know things, but it’s close enough to what you meant. I’m also totally cool with the Socratic paradox, which is to say I agree with you that I don’t actually know anything.

So, now what? Are you done coming at me like I owe you some lengthy treatise on Camille Paglia’s brand of feminism? Are you done being butt hurt that I called you a child for suggesting that I support the worst politicians?

I don’t owe you anything. You seem to think you’re entitled to me, but you aren’t. You don’t know me. I’m just a figment of your imagination. Every single opinion you have about me is pure, uncut projection. Every single emotion you have about my work is a reflection of how you feel about yourself.

This ain’t about what I know, honey. It’s about what you know to be true when you look in the mirror.

(And of course, feel free to meet me in the comments section. I know you’ll have plenty more to say.)

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Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

We’ve been dating three years, his parents paid for us to go on a $10000 cruise, we’ve talked about marriage, kids, and our future. He won’t take care of his mental or physical health (something we talk about regularly), and when he offered to co-sign my student loans, this pit of fear being chained to this man suddenly emerged. This fissure’s occurred and now I find him annoying, whinny, and recoil from his touch instinctively. What do I do?
Talk to him. Tell him he’s annoying and whiny. Tell him you’re losing interest. Tell him he has to get his mental and physical shit together by Halloween or you’ll be gone before Thanksgiving. It’s ultimatum time. Or maybe not. Maybe you’re already done and it’s just time to fucking end it. Whatever you do, tell him how you feel. Use your words. USE. YOUR. WORDS.

What do you think about Camille Paglia? Specifically, what do you think of a) her argument that America’s current obsession with transgenderism is a sign of cultural collapse; and b) her critique of current trends in feminism as “fainting couch” feminism? Surely, she is not one of the right wing lunatics that you’re critiquing – is she?
Yes, she is. Camille Paglia is absolutely without a doubt a gigantic right wing asshole. Are you not paying attention? That’s her entire schtick. Maybe you’re distracted by the fact that she’s an academic, but don’t let the tenured professorship fool you. She may have the vocabulary of a critical theorist, but her critiques of transgenderism and contemporary feminism are more the stuff of Alex Jones than Simone de Beauvoir.

I am envious of my best friend. She has everything I want: a good career, several friends, a cute butt, confidence, intelligence. It has gotten so bad that I actually get so happy when something unfortunate happens to her. What am I supposed to do about this?
Keep the small portion of envy that drives you towards positive change. Jettison the rest, because it is poison. Easier said than done, I know, but few people get intelligence, even fewer get a cute butt, and you don’t need either to be happy. Most importantly, quit using your friend as a measuring stick. Go do your own thing.

I’ve had penetrative vaginal sex with a few people, and it’s always been painful and horrible as fuck. No amount of lube helps me. Do I need to stick it out and hope sex gets better, or are there other people out there like me who want to have mind blowing awesome sex but their vaginas just won’t cooperate?
Yeah, it sounds like you’ve got vaginismus. Go to the doctor.

Met a hot guy. I flirted, he was (for me, anyway) unusually unresponsive. Said he had a girlfriend when I asked for his number. Gave me his number anyway. Why?
Um, why do you think?

Is it ever a good idea to forgive your dad for calling you a bitch?
Absolutely, but the forgiveness is for your sake, not his.

You only answer the easy questions people ask you about politics. Anything that requires further analysis or depth you shy away from.
Ha! Whatever, Ben Shapiro. The assumption that you’re somehow challenging me with deep political questions reeks of a smug sense of entitlement. I’m not here to debate you. If you want to argue politics, catch me in a mood over on Twitter. Otherwise, come at me in good faith (I can tell the difference) and frame your questions in such a manner that doesn’t presume to know my position ahead of time.

I wanna ask you for advice but I have a long story.
If you’re the long story type, I highly recommend including your email with your submission. I’m much more like to respond to you privately than I am to publish your memoir on my site.

You’re bisexual yeah? Will you marry me?
Yeah, maybe. Send pics.

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Thoughts

On the resistance inside the trump administration

I decided it would be fun to break down today’s incendiary New York Times Opinion Piece. I’ve gunned it through my finely tuned bullshit detector and translated it line-by-line from its original Republican. Here are the results:

 

President Trump is facing a test to his presidency unlike any faced by a modern American leader.
The ship is going down, folks.

It’s not just that the special counsel looms large. Or that the country is bitterly divided over Mr. Trump’s leadership. Or even that his party might well lose the House to an opposition hellbent on his downfall.
We know he’s guilty. We know you hate him. We know we’re about to get our asses kicked.

The dilemma — which he does not fully grasp — is that many of the senior officials in his own administration are working diligently from within to frustrate parts of his agenda and his worst inclinations.
I just thought everyone (including our foreign adversaries) should know that the Executive Branch of the Federal Government is in a perpetual state of low-grade coup d’etat, and the President of the United States is literally too stupid to recognize it.

I would know. I am one of them.
I’m a rat in a room full of ass-covering cowards.

To be clear, ours is not the popular “resistance” of the left. We want the administration to succeed and think that many of its policies have already made America safer and more prosperous.
To be clear, we’re still a bunch of craven assholes. We want nothing more than the rich to get richer, and we’re totally cool with ripping babies from the arms of mothers if it means racist old white people will keep voting for us.

But we believe our first duty is to this country, and the president continues to act in a manner that is detrimental to the health of our republic.
Even ass-covering cowards need a sense of purpose, and we’ve found ours in continually preventing a narcissistic half-wit from accidentally starting World War III.

That is why many Trump appointees have vowed to do what we can to preserve our democratic institutions while thwarting Mr. Trump’s more misguided impulses until he is out of office.
Don’t you see? By being traitorous and disloyal to the worst human being to ever hold the office of President, that somehow makes us the good guys.

The root of the problem is the president’s amorality. Anyone who works with him knows he is not moored to any discernible first principles that guide his decision making.
The President of the United States is a psychopath. No, really. He’s an actual psychopath, and we don’t know if it’s better or worse that he’s also easily manipulated and painfully fucking stupid.

Although he was elected as a Republican, the president shows little affinity for ideals long espoused by conservatives: free minds, free markets and free people. At best, he has invoked these ideals in scripted settings. At worst, he has attacked them outright.
I am either completely full of shit, or I have a childlike grasp of contemporary Republicanism and such crippling levels of cognitive dissonance that I refuse to recognize how Donald Trump epitomizes the ideals long practiced by conservatives: closed minds, rigged markets, and selfish people.

In addition to his mass-marketing of the notion that the press is the “enemy of the people,” President Trump’s impulses are generally anti-trade and anti-democratic.
We’re absolutely terrified that he’s gonna fuck up the economy and we’ll end up like the rest of the poors.

Don’t get me wrong. There are bright spots that the near-ceaseless negative coverage of the administration fails to capture: effective deregulation, historic tax reform, a more robust military and more.
Again, we’re totally cool with his dumbfuck military parades, as long as we get our blank check to fuck up the environment and those sweet, sweet tax cuts for the wealthy.

But these successes have come despite — not because of — the president’s leadership style, which is impetuous, adversarial, petty and ineffective.
Honestly, we’re amazed we got those tax cuts, because the boss can’t even tie his shoelaces.

From the White House to executive branch departments and agencies, senior officials will privately admit their daily disbelief at the commander in chief’s comments and actions. Most are working to insulate their operations from his whims.
All of the narcissistic underlings that play golf with me will privately admit that even they aren’t as bad as the President. Most are working hard to protect their fiefdoms from the impending collapse of the administration.

Meetings with him veer off topic and off the rails, he engages in repetitive rants, and his impulsiveness results in half-baked, ill-informed and occasionally reckless decisions that have to be walked back.
Oh, did I mention the President has an undiagnosed major neurocognitive disorder with paranoid features?

“There is literally no telling whether he might change his mind from one minute to the next,” a top official complained to me recently, exasperated by an Oval Office meeting at which the president flip-flopped on a major policy decision he’d made only a week earlier.
While I’m at it, here is further evidence effectively demonstrating to everyone (including our foreign adversaries) that the President of the United States is suffering from significant cognitive decline.

The erratic behavior would be more concerning if it weren’t for unsung heroes in and around the White House. Some of his aides have been cast as villains by the media. But in private, they have gone to great lengths to keep bad decisions contained to the West Wing, though they are clearly not always successful.
Thank god we’re here to save you all from this man. Don’t you see we’re the good guys? Why are you all so mean to us? We’ve gone to such great lengths to mop up after a paranoid psychopath with dementia who happens to hold the most powerful elected office in the world. We want a cookie. Can we have a cookie?

It may be cold comfort in this chaotic era, but Americans should know that there are adults in the room. We fully recognize what is happening. And we are trying to do what’s right even when Donald Trump won’t.
We believe that we’re the adults in the room, which totally confirms that we also believe the President is non compos mentis.

The result is a two-track presidency.
The result is a shadow government.

Take foreign policy: In public and in private, President Trump shows a preference for autocrats and dictators, such as President Vladimir Putin of Russia and North Korea’s leader, Kim Jong-un, and displays little genuine appreciation for the ties that bind us to allied, like-minded nations.
If you think Trump tickles Putin’s balls in public, you should see the kneepads he breaks out in private. It’s downright treasonous!

Astute observers have noted, though, that the rest of the administration is operating on another track, one where countries like Russia are called out for meddling and punished accordingly, and where allies around the world are engaged as peers rather than ridiculed as rivals.
I am very likely either the Vice President, the Secretary of State, the Secretary of Defense, the Secretary of the Treasury, or the Attorney General.

On Russia, for instance, the president was reluctant to expel so many of Mr. Putin’s spies as punishment for the poisoning of a former Russian spy in Britain. He complained for weeks about senior staff members letting him get boxed into further confrontation with Russia, and he expressed frustration that the United States continued to impose sanctions on the country for its malign behavior. But his national security team knew better — such actions had to be taken, to hold Moscow accountable.
*twirls evil mustache* Then again, maybe I’m the Director of National Intelligence.

This isn’t the work of the so-called deep state. It’s the work of the steady state.
Whoever I may be, I am also a gaping asshole of such infinite magnitude that I would describe this shit show as the work of the “steady state.”

Given the instability many witnessed, there were early whispers within the cabinet of invoking the 25th Amendment, which would start a complex process for removing the president. But no one wanted to precipitate a constitutional crisis. So we will do what we can to steer the administration in the right direction until — one way or another — it’s over.
Oh yeah, I totally buried the lede. We had super secret cabinet-level meetings about removing the President of the United States from office, but then we figured, nah, let’s get those tax cuts.

The bigger concern is not what Mr. Trump has done to the presidency but rather what we as a nation have allowed him to do to us. We have sunk low with him and allowed our discourse to be stripped of civility.
We’re not gaslighting you. You’re gaslighting yourselves!

Senator John McCain put it best in his farewell letter. All Americans should heed his words and break free of the tribalism trap, with the high aim of uniting through our shared values and love of this great nation.
Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

We may no longer have Senator McCain. But we will always have his example — a lodestar for restoring honor to public life and our national dialogue. Mr. Trump may fear such honorable men, but we should revere them.
We hereby nominate Senator McCain for Republican Sainthood — and let’s use the word “lodestar” for no particular reason, because that seems totally fine and not at all a thing that closeted Republicans wish could be their porn name.

There is a quiet resistance within the administration of people choosing to put country first. But the real difference will be made by everyday citizens rising above politics, reaching across the aisle and resolving to shed the labels in favor of a single one: Americans.
Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit: ‘Murica.

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Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

It’s been about 12 years since I was last in love. Why hasn’t it happened again?
Is it possible that twelve years ago you were a person who didn’t understand what it meant to be in love? Is it possible that you’ve held on to an erroneous idea of love all this time, or worse yet, an idealized version that wasn’t even real? Every relationship is different. Every love is unique. Whatever happened back then will never happen again. It is gone forever. Let that shit go. Quit using it as the standard against which all other relationships are measured. Allow yourself to be open to something altogether new.

I’m doing my Masters, after it taking me two bachelors degrees to figure out what I wanted to do. I have a full scholarship and I’m passionate about what i’m studying. But 8 months in, i’m so so tired and so disheartened. I am working harder than I’ve ever worked at anything, but my grades are average. I feel like i’ve always done well while coasting, and now that i’m throwing my all into this, i’m ‘failing’ (by my own standards, anyway). I don’t know if I really have a question. But if you have any advice on how to avoid burnout it would be much appreciated.
Those aren’t really your standards. That’s why you’re burning out. Let them go, and allow your standards to adjust. You aren’t failing. You’re doing just fine. Let it be enough that you’re getting through the program. The prize isn’t a degree with honors. That’s just a trophy. The prize is a specialized career that you love in a rarified field of professionals to which you will one day belong. Keep your eye on the prize, not the trophy.

I feel like I could get into and go to medical school if I put my mind to it and if I really wanted to. Should I? I’m so conflicted over what career path to take.
I didn’t hear anything about wanting to be a doctor, and that’s something you gotta really want. Medical school is a series of hazing rituals that puts you into a quarter million dollars of debt. The mere ability to run that gauntlet isn’t reason enough to do it. You should have a burning desire to be a physician or a surgeon. Otherwise, you will be making yourself miserable for a career that isn’t nearly as lucrative or esteemed as you think it is.

I’m seriously interested in doing the whole sugar baby thing. How difficult will this be?
I don’t know you. There is a range of personality traits as well as physical and emotional attributes that might make sex work particularly easy or a living hell. Odds are, like most jobs, it’ll just barely be worth whatever money you can make, but in our economy, that’s more a reflection on the job itself rather than the person doing it.

how do i untie my self worth from my appearance?
Live in a different culture.

Do you have good posture?
Well, we all just sat up a little straighter, didn’t we?

My twenties have been really shitty. Will my thirties be any better?
They will be different. I can’t speak to better.

What do you think of the term “fainting couch feminism?”
It’s just another way for right wing assholes to call us snowflakes. It’s fine. Let them continue to mistake our compassion for weakness as they slowly asphyxiate on their own irrelevance.

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Advice

On pumping your fuck brakes

Being told that the reason men leave is because I sleep with them fairly quickly. A therapist told me to wait months before fucking. It’s the hardest thing I have never done. I just want to know what you think because you’re smarter and funnier.

 

God, I hate this myth, that a woman’s value as a long-term partner is arbitrarily determined by whatever length of time she waits to have sex. It’s nothing more than an outmoded, patriarchal notion of sexual virtue, and it is so fucking gross.

Men do not stay or leave based upon when you sleep with them. They stay or leave based upon their phase of life, their emotional availability, and how much they’re into you. You’re probably dating immature, emotionally unavailable men who run for the hills regardless of how much they’re into you. Waiting to fuck them would only delay the inevitable.

If your therapist is telling you to pump your fuck brakes, she’s either a shitty therapist or she recognizes that you’re the type whose judgment gets cloudy once you let a dude cum inside you. I don’t know what your deal is, so I can’t say for sure. Maybe ask your therapist. If she says something moralistic about sex, fire her on the spot. If she expresses concern about your dating patterns and the type of men you consistently choose, maybe listen.

Even if you have legitimate reasons for changing up your fuck patterns, that still doesn’t mean that men are leaving you because you sleep with them quickly. There may be a correlation between the speeds at which you’re having sex and getting dumped, but that doesn’t imply causation.

Again, this is more about the type of men you’re choosing to fuck, not how quickly you’re choosing to fuck them. Honestly, I doubt that men leaving you is even the underlying problem. After all, you want the wrong men to leave you. That’s a good thing. The problem is likely that you’re a crush-junkie who mistakes big swoony emotions for good judgement.

If you want a long-term relationship, be more discerning. Learn how to spot maturity and emotional availability in men, and place more importance on a relationship’s health than its length.

 

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Advice

On your piece of shit father

My father has turned into an absolutely horrible bigot in the last couple of years and I can no longer stand to be around him. He is blatantly racist, homophobic, transphobic, and of course a lover of Trump. The most common words out of his mouth are “n*igger” and “f*ggot”, which he says aloud, in public, regardless of who is around. He becomes infuriated if he sees an interracial couple, gay couple, or even a person of color in the neighborhood. He thinks everything he says is right and everyone else is wrong, often saying “you’ll see how right I am one of these days”. He makes statements like “we stole this land fair and square from the Indians and now we got people coming to try and steal it from us and we should just kill them all”.

He’s called me everything from a stupid bitch to an “overeducated liberal idiot”. Moreover, he’s ruined several important moments for me, including my masters graduation get together and my wedding rehearsal dinner with his selfish, hateful attitude. I used to take the bait and argue with him, which is what I think he wanted, but the convo quickly turned petty and childish. So now when I visit I stare blankly ahead, bite my tongue, and just ignore it. I feel like I should try to make him see my point of view, but I also know it’s a lost cause. Not visiting isn’t an option because I want to see my mother.

I also think it’s important to mention that he often tries to idealize our father-daughter relationship in his mind (as he boohooed all over me during our dance at my wedding). We’ve never been super close and I’ve always gone to my mom for anything rather than my dad. He also believes that because he is my father, I should respect him and accept everything he says without question. I guess I am just ranting. Any advice on dealing with this?

 

Disown him.

Stop visiting your parents. Do not speak to your father. Let him know he is dead to you in his current form. If your mother wants to visit, she can come to you. Your father is not invited. I know you think your mother is innocent in this, but she isn’t. She has spent decades enabling your father, and you are blind to the fact that she has picked him over you all these years.

If there is any hope that your father will change, you will need your mother’s help, and she has no incentive unless her relationship with you is contingent upon that change. To put it plainly, if your mother isn’t willing to help you modify your father’s behavior, then she deserves to lose her relationship with you as well.

The problem is bigger than you think. Your father is more than just a racist asshole. He is emotionally and psychologically abusive. Our culture used to dismiss men like him as “mean old bastards,” but he is an abuser, and both you and your mother are his victims. He will only change if he absolutely has to, and the only thing that might work is if his wife and daughter team up against him.

This isn’t about your father’s politics or worldview. That shit is just a sideshow. This is about his malignant narcissism and abusive behavior. Do not allow it into your life. Do not allow him into your life, even at the expense of your relationship with your mother.

I know this seems harsh, but if you really disown your father, your mother will finally have to make a choice between him and you. She will resent being forced to change, but tough shit. Any mother worthy of the title will pick her child, and if she doesn’t, at least you’ll finally recognize her for who she really is.

Worst case scenario, you become an emotional orphan (which you already were and simply didn’t know it.) Best case scenario, you and your mother exert enough pressure on your father that he breaks, and you wind up with some version of him where he learns to act right and bite his fucking tongue.

The most likely outcome is that you read this, feel momentarily inspired to enforce your will on the family, but then quickly fall back into old patterns of behavior. After all, real change is incredibly fucking difficult.

I hope you’ll go hard, though. Your dad is a real piece of shit, and you deserve better. Maybe you can make it happen.

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On my last relationship

When you are ready, will you share with us what happened with the last guy you were seeing? So sorry to be nosy, but I care for you, I’m curious and I feel like I could learn from it.

 

I still don’t know what happened. Not really. I thought that for the first time in my life I had found a human being worth making my actual husband. We were one of those disgustingly happy couples from day one. We were a team, and we made it look easy.

We traveled the world together. We moved in together. We started planning our lives together. There was a ring. We saved a date and picked a wedding venue. Things between us were wonderful for a solid year, and then suddenly they weren’t.

It was him, not me. He just fell out of love. Hard. In a matter of weeks, his feelings for me changed, and I still don’t know how or why. In the final days, I knew something was wrong, and I tried talking to him, but he was reassuring and highly skilled at avoiding conflict. In other words, he was very good at lying to my face about his feelings and intentions.

The end came without warning. He simply moved out one afternoon while I was at work. He conspired for weeks to end the relationship while resisting even one single conversation about his change of heart, and he gave me literally one hour’s notice before the moving truck arrived.

The last time I saw him, it was as if I was speaking with a stranger. He was all business, zero compassion. His ability to cut off his emotions so completely kind of scared me a little, and we have not spoken since the breakup.

Of course, I miss him, but the person I miss no longer exists if he ever existed in the first place. The person capable of that level of conspiracy and emotional cutoff is not the same person I thought I loved, and the manner in which he ended the relationship precludes any possibility that I might let him back into my life.

I recently learned that he left his previous ex in a similar manner, though throughout our relationship he’d led me to believe that his previous ex was the one who had left him. Who knows? If I had to guess, I’d say his family also may have played a role. I never quite felt like his mother approved of us. Again, who knows?

I’m not sure what, if anything, you hope to learn from this. The only lesson in it for me is that life ain’t fair and you don’t often get any answers as to why. Naturally, I already knew that shit.

I am dating again, though only half-heartedly. The single men here are mostly religious and/or Republican, and there’s not a craft cocktail in the world artisanal enough for me to put up with that kind of conversation.

Still, life is grand. I love what I do for a living, and I love my new place in the world. I am ever hopeful. Not that I’m hoping for anything in particular, but I am broadly optimistic about the future and unabashedly good at savoring the human condition regardless of whether I exist in a state of singlehood, couplehood, or some creative variation of the two.

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Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

It’s come to my attention that conservative voters are low information voters.
Stupid is as stupid does.

Baby Boomers need to die faster.
I don’t care if they live or die. I just want their wealth to be redistributed with extreme prejudice.

So you would vote for Cynthia Nixon?
Over Cuomo in the primary? Fuck yes. Over any Republican in the general? Double fuck yes.

How is someone as wise as you so willing to support the worst politicians?
You are such a fucking child. Please grow up or shut up, because the rest of us are here to win and we are are done babysitting spoiled brats like you.

Do you listen to Chapo Trap House?
I tried for a minute. I really tried, but I couldn’t get into it. I don’t find them particularly likable, insightful, or entertaining. (I’ll take the crew over at Crooked Media any day of the week.)

How do I get laid when I hate people?
I dunno. It’s never stopped me.

My boyfriend and I are planning to do molly together, it’s my first time, but not his. Any advice to make the most of the experience?
Stay hydrated. Make sure you don’t have anything planned the following day that requires any significant concentration. Any special feelings that either of you express towards one another while rolling should not be held against one another afterwards. Most importantly, enjoy yourself. Feel all the feels!

Is it wrong/weird/immature if I have absolutely zero interest in remaining friends with any of my exes? Regardless of how the relationships ended.
It’s fine. Don’t overthink it.

Is radical kindness a good idea or am I just setting myself up to be a doormat?
Radical kindness is a great idea. The only way to end up a doormat is to be unskilled at setting and maintaining proper boundaries.

I had all of your playlists on my old computer, which sadly died and has since been replaced. I noticed the old playlists are lost in the ether and was wondering if you have plans to bring them back to life. If not, I’ll plan a weekend of building them all out in Spotify over some whiskey. Thanks for putting together such great mixes!
The old playlists are not lost in the ether. They’re all right here. I’d love it if you built them all in Spotify for me. Thanks!

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Thoughts

On my latest book list

Alright, we got a playlist THANK YOU! Now could we please have a book list?

 

Yes, yes. I know what time of year it is. Fair warning, though. I’ve spent the last long while coming out of my own personal dark night of the soul, so this year’s book list is pretty intense. It’s all about nature and art and death and resurrection. There’s some old-school wisdom and some new-school wisdom. Some of it is candy, and some of it is just plain weird. All of it has helped me gain perspective on who I am and what I believe to be true about the universe.

So, without further ado, here is my latest book list:

 

Religion Without God by Ronald Dworkin

Modern Man in Search of a Soul by C.G. Jung

The Gift by Hafiz

The Conquest of Happiness by Bertrand Russell

Why I Am Not A Christian by Bertrand Russell

On Having No Head by D.E. Harding

Letters From A Stoic by Seneca

Metamorphoses by Ovid

The Republic by Plato

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

The Rings of Saturn by W.G. Sebald

The Dark Half by Stephen King

The Omen by David Seltzer

Siddhartha by Herman Hesse

Tinkers by Paul Harding

I Married You For Happiness by Lily Tuck

The Amazons: Lives and Legends of Warrior Women Across the Ancient World by Adrienne Mayor

M Train by Patti Smith

The Executioner’s Song by Norman Mailer

A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit

Loving & Hating Charles Bukowski by Linda King

I Knew Jim Knew by Jim Walrod

How to See: Looking, Talking, and Thinking about Art by David Salle

Color: A Natural History of the Palette by Victoria Finlay

Wabi-Sabi for Artists, Designers, Poets & Philosophers by Leonard Koren

Concerning the Spiritual in Art by Wassily Kandinsky

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