Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

Sorry your comments section is overrun with fash trash. Yikes.
Yeah, it hurts my heart. I feel like it’s partly my fault for being gone so long. These dudes forget, I’m a libertine, not a libertarian. I’ve always been the type to hurl a Molotov cocktail through the Overton Window. 

I’m really sick of people telling me I’ll meet the right person when the time is right. Is that a bag of BS?
Of course it’s bullshit. There’s no such thing as “the” right person, and the time is only right if you put in the work to make it that way.

I am obsessed with my bf’s exes. I am aware that I am projecting my own insecurities, but I don’t manage to stop. What do I do.
You’re obsessed with your boyfriend’s exes because you know you’re going to be one. You need to accept that. It really will be okay. Besides, you’re not quite yet emotionally mature enough for a serious relationship. This is all just practice. It’s fine. Don’t hold on so tightly. Let go when it’s time, and pay close attention to how everyone behaves. This is how you learn.

Why are we unable to classify belief in god as insanity?
Because the APA isn’t as powerful as the Church.

A man who was really flirty and seemed interested just rejected me. Really arrogant of me, I know, but I’m not used to being rejected, how do I get over this inexplicably shitty feeling?
Quit making it about you.

We’ve moved in together. He is my forever love. I know this is our next step. Yet I’m heartbroken of moving out of my condo and been struggling with my emotions. This has him and others think I’m doubting moving in together.
What you’re experiencing is normal, and it is perfectly okay. Take all the time you need to grieve the loss of your condo life. While you’re at it, grieve the loss of your entire pre-pandemic existence. Remind yourself, your boyfriend, and the others (not that it’s any of their fucking business) that your grief isn’t about him. It’s about you adjusting to it all, and you will eventually be fine.

Do you think 9/11 was an inside job?
Still no. Why do you keep asking this year after year?

If you were 23 right now which city would you move to?
Am I 23 and broke with no degree, or am I 23 fresh out of college with parental support? Those are two very different cities. Either way, I would move to a city that calls me, one that vibrates at the frequency of my soul. 

What do you think is bad advice that gets repeated?
“Money can’t buy happiness.” (Yes it fucking can.) “Everything happens for a reason.” (No it fucking doesn’t.) “You can create your own luck.” (That’s not even a thing.) “Just be yourself.” (Not if you’re an asshole.) And finally, my least favorite thought-terminating cliché that passes for advice these days: “It is what it is.” (No, you have not suddenly achieved a Zen-like state of acceptance. You’re just lazy and dumb and can’t think of anything appropriate to say.)

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36 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

      • Dude? says:

        No. I am asking you why you think everyone criticizing you is a man. Defend your assumption. Do not change the topic in an attempt to create a distraction.

        • KK says:

          I read “dudes” as gender neutral, so there’s always that possibility.

          In any case, given how carefully CQ chooses her words, we can reasonably assume “dudes” was a conscious choice; she might even have anticipated this kind of exchange.

          (Also, it’s pretty gross to try to order someone around in her own comments section. She doesn’t owe you a debate, dude.)

        • Facts says:

          She didn’t change the topic, she was reading you to filth, while ignoring your own attempt at derailing the conversation.

          • Dude? says:

            And perhaps her need to do so instead of answering the question demonstrates the incoherence of her beliefs.

          • Veryon says:

            “People won’t talk to me because they’re stupid pants”
            That’s you; that’s what you sound like.

          • Dude? says:

            @Veryon

            “I’m a moron. The only meaning in my life is sucking coke talks dick.”

            That’s you. That’s what you sound like.

    • Rose says:

      Idk, I’d definitely be happier if I could afford steady therapy, a house with a garden, and a vacation outside my city every now and then.

        • KK says:

          And that’s literally not what I’m saying but I can tell from your condescension you’re only interested in semantics.

          • Jesus says:

            Nah, sounds like you made a misjudgment call. Here, I googled some shit for you: Peace of mind is a mental state of calmness or tranquility, a freedom from worry and anxiety. I can tell from your writing style that you are small, sheltered, and most likely white but that’s just splitting hairs at this point. As someone who is lucky enough to have all of those things, restructure your thesis and try again.

          • Veryon says:

            Nothing egomaniacal and projecting about a person who posts as Jesus to tell people they are small and don’t know what happiness is. Nope, no displacement, and projection of insecurities here. You can ask his dad.

        • huevosstomper says:

          I have a garden and it’s my favorite place on earth, no joke, even though there is nothing special about it at all. It cost me over $2,000 in supplies to maintain this year. it’s tiny. I have a table in it with 4 chairs. I bought the cheapest cushions for those chairs at home depot. It cost me $225, for the cushions for 4 chairs. peace of mind is expen$ive, brah. I wouldn’t have been able to afford anything for my garden if 4+ months of quarantine didn’t keep me from going out and spending money, and if my family members hadn’t sent me birthday money even though I’m a middle-aged loser. Otherwise I’d just be sitting in the dirt in a dead lot.

          • Jesus H Christ says:

            Veryon, nothing dumber than someone can’t recognize troll account or take constructive criticism like a functional adult. Newsflash, there is no god, only Zuul. Sounds like you’re all bothered by the moniker so my work here is done. Don’t worry about your goat, I’ll feed them plenty of tin cans.

    • Happydollar says:

      Well, you’re wrong. As a person who has come into some money I can tell you it hasn’t bought just my happiness, but the happiness of others. Money is power. It’s given me the power to silence my anxiety about a hostile work environment. You can argue that my feeling comfort in knowing I can tell any of the assholes I’ve worked with to go fuck themselves is “peace of mind” I will counter that actually doing it made me happy.

      I use my money to take care of people I love and strangers I don’t even know. My favorite hobby is going on gofundme and contributing to people who have dental issues because I know I’m alleviating anxiety and pain directly. It’s something I can relate to directly. And that makes all of us happier, if not directly “happy.” Money buys happiness for people who don’t have it.

      It can’t be hard to imagine not having your basic needs met and then suddenly being able to fix those issues with a shopping bag.

      • Weird flex but okay says:

        There’s nothing inherently wrong with philanthropy, but don’t let it corrupt you. Are you doing it for the pat on the back, or because it’s the right thing to do? Just pointing that out. Congrats on the fuck you money tho.

        • Weird flex but okay says:

          I can and do tell people to get fucked on the regular, it’s my favorite thing to do. Are you sure you bought happiness, or did you purchase instant gratification?

        • HappyDollarOrgasm says:

          Almost all of my donations are anonymous. For a while it was fifty fifty, but then I thought I could be more sure of myself if I was anonymous. But, having done it a lot now, I can tell you there is nothing wrong with doing it purely for the pat on the back; absolutely nothing. That Protestant, Catholic, Quaker, “it’s only generous if it hurts” shit is made out of the same fucked up thinking as people who criticize social justice warriors. There’s nothing wrong with recognition of good deeds. If it happened more often and people weren’t weirdly ashamed of it, maybe it would be a more common behavior. Lol at corruption through philanthropy! “Help help, I’m so corrupt that I am now penniless!”

          Did I buy happiness or instant gratification? Holy fucking shit, do you want me to put a stopwatch on and see exactly how long I’m gratified, or the people I’ve cared for are relieved? “It’s only ‘real happpiness ™ if it lasts longer than an orgasm!?” News Flash, even if you buy an orgasm that’s happiness.

          I already told you one of the piles goes to helping people with dental issues. Let me know how happy you are after you can afford a root canal.

          I’m pretty well centered right now and if I didn’t have this money I would be full of anxiety and bile. I told you it bought my happiness and comfort for a lot of people.

          • Jesus says:

            You have issues that are not mine. Didn’t the church used to let people buy their way into heaven? Just pointing that out.

          • HappyDollar says:

            @Hungry Poor
            I am most definitely better off than a lot of people. But you really need to grasp scale here. Me tossing a few k per month at gofundme’s is not the fucking same as Mnuchin, Clinton, Obama…etc. and they’re not even top tier!

            I think my mindset is exactly what the world needs. I’m giving what I’m not using. I drive a 2015, purchased used, car…not even luxury. I live in non-gated suburbia next to strip malls in a relatively small town. I don’t own a designer anything. I don’t own a shred of jewelry. My tv is 55”. My AC is wall mount. The biggest luxury item I bought this year was a snowblower.

            I tip 15-30%…always, regardless of service quality.
            I’m guilty of no crimes. I deceive nobody. I pay all my taxes. I am at peace with my moral center and direction. I always point towards good.

            You think people should eat me?
            I think you should eat me.

            @jesus I’ll tell you the same thing I said to you when I was fourteen…”get fucked”

          • Jesus H Christ says:

            It sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself, not me. It’s okay, I’m a sounding board for your own insecurities but I’m not the person that you need to convince. Do the work.

  1. Veryon says:

    I’m adjacent to many of these thoughts but for framing.

    “Everything for a reason.” – yes, but the reason is either imperceptible or unavoidable, either of which render the statement useless without more context.

    “Create your own luck.” – you really mean create your own opportunity, but I’ll let you slide without objection because people’s use of language is painfully imprecise. If you actually mean “stack the deck” then gtfo, I don’t associate with right wing assholes.

    “It is what it is.” – Jesus Christ, you’re an energy vampire

  2. Anonymous Poster says:

    In re: “it is what it is” – Trump used that phrase to describe the COVID death toll. So damn, Coke, you’re right on the money.

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