My best friend has started doing porn with her ex-boyfriend. I take no issues with this part. She claims though that she’s only taking “trashy photos” for her OnlyFans, and categorically denies having any sexual relationship with her ex, although he’s still in her life for the sake of her kid. I only know because a mutual acquaintance came across it and it’s not exactly hidden from the public domain, albeit with the use of pseudonyms. I don’t know what I’m here for, I guess I’m just mad at being lied to.
You’re not mad about the lie. You’re hurt that your friendship isn’t as close or as strong as you thought it was, and you feel threatened by the potential implications of her deception. The emotion you’re really experiencing is jealousy in the face of a perceived betrayal. That’s okay. It means you care very deeply for your friend, but it also means that you need to do some damage control.
I’m speculating a bit, but it sounds like you’ve been through it with your best friend and this ex of hers. You probably have some strong opinions about him, and it’s pretty clear she no longer feels safe talking openly with you about her ongoing relationship with him. The quickest way to repair and then level-up your friendship is to directly address this dynamic and make amends for it. You are the one who will need to apologize here.
If you don’t know how to apologize, here is a script you can make your own that captures the important points: “I want to talk with you about the OnlyFans content you’re making with your ex. You denied having any sexual relationship with him, so when I was shown the videos you’ve been making, it made me realize that you didn’t feel safe telling me the truth. I want to be the kind of friend that you feel safe telling the truth, and I sincerely apologize if you have ever felt judged by me with regard to the father of your child.”
The apology is only the first step. It’s not enough to want to be safe. You will actually have to be safe, which means you’ll have to start changing your behavior (not your opinions) about this ex of hers. As the father of her child, he’s always going to be a part of her life. You’re going to have to come to terms with that, and this seems like a good place to start.
The bottom line is that if you love and support your friends, then you actually have to love and support them, even when they’re making less-than-ideal life decisions.