Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

What is a woman?
A social construction of gender.

Should I fuck the hot, dumb, age-appropriate UPS guy?
Sure, but use good judgement. He knows where you live, and he decides when all your Amazon packages arrive.

I’ve made so many bad stock investments over the years. Do you invest, and would you make any recommendations based on what you’ve learned?
I don’t invest in stocks. I swing trade in stocks using a very disciplined system with money that I can afford to lose. If you’re looking to invest, just drop your shit into a mutual fund like everybody else.

I’m almost thirty and I’m the prettiest I’ve ever been and feel more comfortable with my body than I ever imagined I could, but I haven’t worn a bathing suit since I hit puberty and the idea of wearing one makes me cry.
That’s fine. Have a good cry. Feel your feels and process all that shit still leftover from adolescence. It’s not about the new bathing suit.

I know Hillary would have dealt with this pandemic much better but how do you think she would have handled the Florida’s, OC’s (CA), and other white idiots refusing to cooperate?
She would have ignored them, because they wouldn’t have mattered. That’s the whole point.

I was reading some utterly bollockry about the misery of women in long-term non-married relationships and immediately came back to your site. I’m so glad you’re back, Cokey. P.S. As you’re one of my culture war bullshit filters, may I politely ask you what your view of cancel culture is?
There is no such thing as cancel culture. There are merely a few mild and long overdue consequences for assholes who refuse to acknowledge the recent power shifts in American culture.

What do you mean by “let go of your bullshit?” I started following you in my mid-20s and am now in my mid-30s, and I suspect that’s true of many of your longtime readers.
You created an identity in your early twenties that you’ve since used to make a series of major life decisions. That identity is foundational to where you are in life, but it isn’t who you are. You’ve grown and changed in the intervening years, but you’re also still sitting on a pile of beliefs that aren’t really yours. At best, they served you a decade ago. At worst, you have to convince yourself they served you in order to justify your present circumstances. Either way, let go of that bullshit.

You once wrote something (back in the coketalk days) along the lines of being tiny specks of meat on a rock, and it resonated with me greatly. It’s been part of my digital identity across all types of accounts for the better part of the decade, and I feel like it is time that it matured into my next tattoo. Problem is I forgot the actual full quote – any chance you have it safely stored in your cortex and can recall it accurately


25 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. Jake says:


    Anyway. Fuck the UPS guy. Delivery workers who keep their job longer than 10 months are usually smart enough to look stupid and claim some decent benefits.

    Also, in general, stop using ‘stupid’ to describe men/women you’re considering having sex with.


    ‘Cause fucking stupid people makes you stupid. Fucking ugly people doesn’t make you ugly.

    Just fuck the UPS guy. And like she says, be careful–through him, Jeff Bezos rules us all.

  2. Michaela says:

    Goddamn I have missed you. And girl, in that bathing suit you look like the queen you are. Hugs from the internet.

  3. steadyj says:

    Re the response to ‘what is a woman?’, are you saying biological sex isnt real? Or that it doesn’t matter?
    Or…that there is no difference between trans women and women (or that we should ignore the difference?). Since that’s the debate where the question arises

        • H says:

          “Tenet” is sufficient for your point, “religious” is just confusing things. Regardless, woman can and is being used, of course, when referring to biological gender as well.

          • Tenet says:

            This critical gender theory shit is a religion. It’s confusing to you because you haven’t figured that out.

          • whoami says:

            you haven’t figured out how to use the same email address two posts in a row “tenet” so you’re not really one to talk

    • Rocket Grunt says:

      I think any trans woman is more of a woman than I’ll ever be. A trans woman has sacrificed her male privilege, given up her social status, and put herself in a position to be victim to all the discrimination and abuse that comes with being a woman and being trans. She’s gone through hell. I was just born with a uterus.

      • notperfect says:

        Ridiculous, deluded “woke” nonsense. No trans woman has ever experienced one second of what it is to actually be a woman. They literally have no first hand idea of what being a woman is really like. Because they aren’t women – they’re trans women. And there’s nothing wrong with being trans.

      • Chris says:

        This is false, both biologically and psychologically.

        Trans people deserve much more respect than they are getting, but not more respect than you and I.

      • whoami says:

        yeah trans people have to (and want to) put in a lot more effort into constructing their gender in a way that pleases outside viewers (and themselves). most cis people just show their genitals to another cis person every once in a while to reassure them and themselves and call it a life

  4. O says:

    Yeah, until your BF gets buggered by one.

    A friend who’s a lesbian was discussing this with me. She said that trans women are women, but that it would be difficult to date one because she’d not want to have sex with a big penis.

  5. LC says:

    Unless you have access to a Bloomberg and time to stare at it 24/7, cherry-picking stocks is not a good idea. Neither is investing in mutual funds, which usually have very high net expense ratios. That’s the percentage its managers receive from your assets, regardless of performance. (Even if the fund loses a ton of your money, they’ll collect that percentage of whatever’s left in “fees.”)

    Go for low-cost index funds instead. Create your own well-diversified mix that include stocks and bonds. Don’t touch that shit save for a 1-2 times a year to rebalance or use a robo-advisor to handle that mess for you.

    (I’ve got two Business degrees, friends at big banks and hedge funds, and returns in the double digits over the last 4 years using this strategy.)

    • CQ says:

      You’re certainly not wrong on a 4 year time scale, but you’re also talking like someone who didn’t have a portfolio in 2008. It’s easy to brag about double-digit index fund returns in a decade-long bull market, but what happens when (not if, when) shit goes pear-shaped again? Most folks aren’t set to react, and active management is exactly what they’re buying with those mutual fund fees. I’m not saying mutual funds are the way to go (I don’t fuck with them either), but we both know Wall Street is on an artificial high right now. How do you plan on adjusting your secret blend of 11 herbs and spices for the next big correction? I’m genuinely curious.

      • LC says:

        Good guess, coke. I didn’t have a portfolio in 2008. I’m talking like someone who was in their final years of undergrad then. Who listened to Finance professors discuss its aftermath on average investors in real-time. You’re right. I understand, but I do not know that pain.

        But it’s a myth that actively managed funds fare any better than the market at large. They underperform it, and research repeatedly demonstrates that.

        Since you asked, I’ve diversified the shit out of what’s evolved into a very conservative portfolio. And my plans are to do absolutely nothing to it and stomach every single upcoming correction. Because they, as you pointed out, are 100% guaranteed.

        Every investor worth their salt says the same thing over and over: diversify. So hey, if diversifying with funds at a fee markup of 60 times (on average) helps quell your nerves, then go for it!

        But I’ve made mistakes over the years and have learned a few things. I have friends who’ve let me in on how the game’s played and made a little money during a time when your reader lost some. I’m simply trying to help.

        So take the advice, don’t take the advice, it’s entirely up to you.

  6. Faulty BS detector says:

    Has anyone got any example of their bullshit as an example please? Probably hiding mine for the ol’ ego, too stupid and or too much Aspergers. Or, fingers crossed, I’ve not got much bullshit to know exactly how to let go of mine. Either way still confused about this, sorry. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    • VeryOn says:

      For the longest time I used other peoples perceived inferiority to justify being a complete dick. That’s bullshit.
      A lot of bullshit exists around the ego. Being judgemental is almost always bullshit because hiding in the grass of judgement is an ill conceived plot to be an asshole.

      • Faulty BS Detector says:

        Aha, thank you! Realised after I posted that I’m asking people for their deepest flaws so also thank you for opening up!

  7. Hiding behind Pseudonym says:

    I saw you link Contrapoints in the other question. She sure as shit doesn’t buy that cancel culture doesn’t exist.

    Maybe stop looking at it purely through the lens of the powerful and see what the woke orthodoxy is doing to those who dare to express opinions of their own without hiding behind a pseudonym? What you’re expressing basically amounts to gaslighting her lived experience.

  8. D says:

    Cancel culture is on the downswing, but at its height it was so. real. It looked like a subcultural belief that if your friend didn’t stop listening to a band who didn’t stop playing in a different band who didn’t completely cut ties with a former member who raped someone 4 years ago, you shouldn’t talk to your friend anymore and people would be justified in not talking to you anymore if you kept talking to your friend. That was at its absolute worst, most often it was just that if your friend’s friend raped someone and they hadn’t completely cut that person off you shouldn’t be comfortable spending time with your friend until they weren’t talking to the rapist anymore. Or that if an actor you like said something that assumed the gender binary in an interview in 2004 you shouldn’t watch their show. Or that people shouldn’t read your blog anymore because you don’t like Bernie supporters and all the most anarchist people at the protest were Bernie supporters, so you’re wrong, so nothing you say has value anymore.

    Relieved it’s over. Also relieved I’m not friends with enough straight people anymore that I can expect every cis man I know to rape someone eventually. The fad now is prison abolition means no one is disposable and you can call people in instead of calling people out.

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