Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

Why do I spend a considerable amount of time daydreaming about being rich, winning the lottery? I know money is one element out of many to a fulfilled life, yet I put so much emphasis on wanting and HOPING to be rich. Why do I do this to myself?
In a capitalist society, money is freedom. You are merely daydreaming of being free. That’s fine. Escapist fantasy feels good sometimes, but don’t let it get in the way of things. You will never win the lottery.

If gender dysphoria is not a prerequisite to being transgender, then it’s a ‘choice’, right?
No. Gender dysphoria is a clumsy set of descriptive criteria. You are attempting to make the criteria prescriptive with your little equation, and it doesn’t work. Also, let’s be clear, the dysphoria itself is caused by social systems and culture, not by the person’s gender. If society wasn’t so quick to assign one of two prescriptive genders to every child (“girl” or “boy”), then non-cis people wouldn’t necessarily experience gender dysphoria.

Where do you get news nowadays? I really don’t even know what to consider my single source of truth, and this has never been more of a need.
The question of “where” no longer matters. We all get our news from social media nowadays. The more important question is “how,” and for me, the answer is by filtering the noise and triangulating stories from various trusted sources. I generally use Twitter as my platform for breaking news. I can get a sense of who’s pushing what story and why as well as who benefits from the various framings and spin. It’s not about finding sources you trust. It’s about developing a process you trust.

In the interest of learning how we’ve all morphed & grown: thoughts on Sam Harris lately? You know what trouble he gets into.
I’m done with Sam. His mindset is stuck in 2009, which sucks, because if he had kept his thinking fresh, I feel like he might still have a lot to contribute. 

What does indiscriminately destroying property and beating people up in the street accomplish aside from allowing a bunch of angry overgrown babies to live out their anarchist fantasies?
I don’t accept the premise of your question. Feel free to reframe your fascist worldview and then resubmit your question when you’re no longer a gaping asshole.

You’re the type that thinks drag queen story hour for kids is great huh?
It’s fabulous. What the fuck is wrong with you?

I miss my parents so much. I’m an immigrant. I miss speaking a different language. I miss eating with my hands. I miss the delicate and complex flavors of their food. I miss my dog.
I’m so very sorry. 

How would you battle minor depression?
I don’t battle minor depression. I dance with it.

How old were you when you first started this blog and what have you learnt from it?
I was eleven years younger when I first started this blog, and I have learned more from it than I could have ever possibly imagined.

I’m on my fucking period. Glad to see you’re writing again. 🖕👩


22 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

    • foryourhealth says:

      Jesus, “mum”? I love to see that 11 years later dear coquette is still upsetting people even ones all the way across the pond. Btw you might want to try doing something your “mum” disapproves of once, you might actually enjoy it.

  1. K. says:

    Sign of the times, maybe: Even in my wildest fantasies of financial windfalls, I can’t seem to get past paying off my fucking student loans.

    • Chris says:

      Because without that thing hanging on you, you would have more options, but right now the pressing thing is that monthly payment.

      With no debt outside a mortgage that I can afford, I am free.

      For example, when I was 30 at my first post-college job (I started college at 25), I told my boss I was unhappy, and leaving. He asked if I could stay through the busy season. When I left, the job I’d secured fell through, so I just took off from May-July. It was great. We didn’t go on a vacation that year, but it was terrific.

      A few years later at the next company, the owner’s son was unacceptably rude to me, so in an email (so as not to be misrepresented later) I told him to go fuck himself, spelling it out explicitly so that he knew I meant it literally.

      We don’t keep in touch.

      Later that year, I gave notice citing the issues they refused to let me fix over the 3 years I’d been there. The boss asked when I started my new job, and I told him I didn’t have one yet, so he asked if I’d stay on through the following month. 6 weeks later, I took 6 weeks off. My wife and kids took a trip to see family, and then I took the kids on a trip to just chill out.

      When you don’t owe anyone, you are free.

      If you don’t have a 2nd job, or a side hustle (like taking family photos for $150 for a 2-hour appointment), you must. And don’t be afraid to ask for a raise where you currently work. I bet you’re busting your ass and making them good money. If you’re not, create more value and ask for some of it.

  2. H says:

    Define dance with it? I would understand it in a context that could be considered worse, with more intense negative emotions. But in my experience genuinly going along with it as being in the midst of intense negative emotions and letting them wash over you as you hop onto the carousel of the craziness and freedom of inevitability, is more dancing with it to me. In terms of minor depression it feels like a more deeply rooted shrug in a state of inertia.

  3. June says:

    I really thought you were going say the lottery fantasy is about status.

    Also, it’s very refreshing to have you back.

  4. Sherman says:

    My escapist fantasies are getting in the way of my own personal growth/progress.
    Is stopping them a question of breaking a habit?

    • shady says:


      I would suggest reframing “how to break a habit” as “how to develop a new habit.” It is easier to take positive action than negative action imo.

    • Chre says:

      I’ve been reading her since the beginning. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that this blog is a mirror for uncomfortable truths about one’s self.

      • Woke idiot says:

        You must have never written to coke and had her advice be way off the mark. This blog is more about her projecting her demons onto the landscape and less about her correctly interpreting the landscape itself.

        • Go says:

          So you don’t see the irony? You are literally talking about mirrors and projection and the name you chose for yourself is Woke Idiot. How far does the denial gooooOooooo. Your ego is not superior to hers, you’re not exempt from projection either, whether or not she is doing it. We all have the same self-worth.

  5. Veryon says:

    There is only one “single source of truth” it’s Jesus Christ.

    Ha! I’m fuckin with you. Jesus didn’t exist. He was a populist campaign devised to placate the masses and discourage violence.

    The only single source of truth is everything you experience. That’s why cq says “trust your process.” Use your senses! Look at a wide variety of sources, conjecture and test against available sensations.

    I had an idiot friend who was sending me all manner of articles on how “masks are useless.” He spent no less than twelve pages!, with links, explaining his view. I said, “well, I have a lot of links that say masks are good. And there’s a flaw in your reasoning in that you are confusing prevention with reduction.” He would not change his mind. And I can’t blame him, argument from authority rarely changes anyone’s mind…and he’s a lawyer.

    All it takes for me to believe masks work is that the countries doing it are getting results. I don’t need a paper peer reviewed to figure this out.

  6. K says:

    If you wanna ask questions about trangender identities, you’d do better by looking up Contrapoints.

    As for gender and choice, the fact is, it doesn’t matter. This is far too radical for most people to grasp yet: The origins of an identity or behavior have absolutely no bearing on their moral or social value. If we lived in a far flung future utopia and people could pick their gender however they like, that has no relation to whether their gender expression is morally good. Come on, science fiction addressed this in the 60s.

  7. foryourhealth says:

    “Drag queen story hour for kids”? I think it’s hilarious that fascists are so bothered by the idea of someone who might belong to the LGBTQ being anywhere near their kids, meanwhile they’ll take their children to a germ infested restaurant where they can be sung songs by a giant animatronic rat. I can promise you, no child who wasn’t already indoctrinated with hateful views by their parents would look at a drag queen as anything other than an eccentric person. There is nothing scary about a drag queen. You know what’s scary? Your parents picking you up and forcing you to sit on a strange old mans lap in the middle of a shopping mall.

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