On the possibility of a little fundraising

I know you’re super busy, and while we are a secret treasure, we aren’t your priority. But…Forums?

Also, You should have a go fund me or patreon.


Okay, yes. You guys actually are my priority, but it’s not evident at the moment, because I’m super busy writing all sorts of stuff for magazines and blogs in advance of the book release. (Don’t think I’ve forgotten you.)

Also, yes. I still might want to do some kind of forum thing, but more than that, I’ve never really had a professional designer build me a really hot shit version of the website, and I would love for that to be my next big project after the book. (A forum of some kind would probably be folded into that redesign.)

I was able to cobble together this (pretty decent) website solution after getting kicked off of Tumblr, but it was only meant to be temporary. Naturally, a year has already flown by, and what was meant to be a quick fix has turned semi-permanent. I don’t want that. I want a hot shit website.

Now, the problem is that doing it right costs actual money. Quite a bit of money. Money I don’t have. (Contrary to what some of you think, I am not a rich girl.) In fact, just yesterday I had to pony up a bunch of cash I wasn’t planning on spending to keep the site running smoothly, because my traffic continues to grow and grow. I know that’s a good problem to have, but the money part is still a problem.

I’ve looked into Patreon as a potential crowdfunding source, and it looked cool enough for me not to dismiss it outright. What do you guys think? If I put together some kind of campaign to raise enough money to build into a really kick-ass website, would you be willing to donate? I dunno. It feels weird to even ask, but it’s not like I’d just be pocketing the money. We’d all get to benefit from it.

So, yeah. Hit up the comments section and tell me what you think. I’ll be super curious to hear your thoughts.


On Backing Hillary 100%

If you take Trump out of the equation, are you still backing Hillary 100%? Is it a case of choosing the (far) lesser of two evils?


Hillary Clinton is a brilliant, honorable, and dedicated public servant who is more qualified to be President of the United States than any candidate in my lifetime. Fuck this “lesser of two evils” bullshit. This election is a clear case of choosing between a benevolent good and a malevolent evil.

Is Hillary perfect? Hell no. She’s got some major faults, but go ahead and cast those stones, because she’s also an undeniable badass who will get more shit done than any president since her husband. Good shit. The kind of shit that will actually improve the day-to-day lives of people like you and me. If she gets two terms, she’ll have the chance to nominate as many as four Supreme Court Justices. Fucking four. That alone is enough to steer this country in a progressive direction for the next half century, and Hillary has the chops to get her nominees confirmed.

I want to bitch-slap all the lingering Bernie Bros and Jill Stein Pollyannas who are either so latently misogynistic or waifishly leftist that they are incapable of recognizing how good they’ve got it with a candidate like Hillary. I want to scream at them to get their heads out of their asses and/or the fucking clouds. They can bitch and moan and hate the system all they want, but the system ain’t going anywhere, and when it comes time to work the system on our behalf, Hillary is who we want running shit.

And no, I refuse to take Trump out of the equation. We don’t get the luxury of doing that anymore. He is a brutal fucking reality, and he is dangerous. That spray-tanned megalomaniac will absolutely win the Presidency if you all don’t show up and vote. It really will happen, and how dare any of you let it when we’ve got such an amazing woman to rally behind.

Hillary Clinton is an ideal Democratic candidate and exactly what our country needs. I back her 100% with a huge fucking grin. I am as excited to vote for Hillary as I am filled with loathing for anyone who would vote for Donald Trump. I want her to win so badly that it makes my fucking teeth itch, and it scares the hell out of me to think that she might not.

It should scare the hell out of you too.


On my upcoming book

I’m sure you get this one all the time, but if you put Dear Coquette (or even just your Best Ofs) between hard covers I would buy the shit out of it many times over. You’re the best.


So yeah, last month I announced on Twitter that a Dear Coquette book is finally happening, and if you’ve already pre-ordered your copy, thank you so, so much!

If you haven’t yet, please, please, please order it now. Order two. Hell, order ten. You’d be doing me a huge favor, because pre-orders are a super important part of the book’s eventual success.

As for the book itself, I’m in the final phase of the editing process, which means that now is the perfect time to open up the floor to any and all recommendations. If you have an all-time super-duper favorite Dear Coquette post that absolutely must be included in the book, use the comment section and let me know.

After all, this book is for you guys. I want you to love it!


On giving a fuck about trans women

Do you give a single fuck about trans women, or do you pretty much only care about cis women? Oh wait, let me guess, you’re an “ally” because you don’t go out murdering us and we should be grateful for that.


Some of the bravest women I’ve ever had the honor to know are trans, and one of the few times in my life I’ve ever thrown a punch was in their defense as they were being physically harassed by a transphobic piece of shit.

As for being an “ally,” I’ve never really liked that term, especially in the context of trans/cis feminism, because even though it’s meant to be supportive, it still has the effect of othering trans women.

Now, if something that I’ve said (or haven’t said) has led you to the conclusion that I don’t give a fuck about trans women (or trans men), then by all means, light me up.

I understand that your indignation isn’t really about me, but you did choose to direct it at me, so if there’s a specific conversation you’d like us to have, please let me know. I’m totally open to it.


On my secret treasure

I’ve grown to appreciate when you take a mini-hiatus from your blog. Though I imagine it’s because you actually have a life to live, I secretly imagine it’s a challenge for us to actually apply the pearls of wisdom you frequently leave here.


I go on adventures. It’s in my nature. Sometimes I write about them, and sometimes they’re just for me. I haven’t decided which this will be, but so far it involves monkeys and waterfalls and healers and flowers and ancient ceremonies and so much profound happiness that I can barely contain myself.

I haven’t even gotten to the full moon party or the photoshoot, so you’ll forgive me if my attention is elsewhere for a few more days. Just know that I am in a wonderful place right now — spiritually, emotionally, and of course, geographically.

I’ll be back soon. You all know that. In the meantime, thanks for being a part of my life. I hope you know how much I appreciate everything that you share with me.

You are all my secret treasure.


On my favorite ted talks

What are your favorite TED Talks?


On cutting off your nose to spite your face

I’ll be voting Bernie if he’s nominated, I’m unbendable titanium in that scenario. But if it does come down to Trump VS Hilary, in special thanks to you being insufferable as fuck lately, I’ll be voting Trump. Keep coming off as a pretentious, broken, lesser-version of the powerhouse badass you once were.

Oh, and:

Embrace the change! 😉 bitch.


Wow. You’ve really set yourself up to fail here. You can use your vote to help elect the Democratic nominee, or you can use your vote just to spite me. Either way, I win. Bitch.


On eating the rich

Can you explain in simple terms why you would choose to send the wealthiest .001% to the guillotine? What if they’re giving more than they’re getting?


I know it seems a bit Hunger Games-ish, but it’s actually a fairly well thought-out edict.

The premise of the question is that 1% of the world’s population has to be eliminated, and it’s up to me to do it. Okay, fine. I can work with that, but at the same time, I want to make the best of a bad situation.

Now, the premise didn’t stipulate a timeframe, so I’ll take a gracious millennium to do it. (There are several reasons for this.) First off, eliminating 1 out of 100 people all at once would be quite messy and traumatize the collective consciousness. However, eliminating 1 out of 100,000 people every year for a thousand years would barely go noticed.

More importantly, though, spreading it out over a millennium ensures that the desired effect is permanent. Now, what is the desired effect? To eliminate grotesque wealth inequality, of course.

The first year would be rather shocking. A lot of well known billionaires would end up with their heads in a basket. Obviously, a handful of them would be deeply missed, but by and large, the world would instantly become a much better place without the world’s wealthiest .001%.

Now, as the second culling approaches, do you think the remaining super-rich are gonna hold on to their wealth? Fuck no. They’re gonna redistribute whatever’s necessary to keep from losing their heads. Everyone will.

Entirely new global financial industries would spring up to automatically and inherently correct the world’s wealth inequality problem, and after a period of painful adjustment, we’d have a thousand years of relative equality where the richest person on earth would only have about 10,000 times more wealth than the poorest person on earth, or risk being sacrificed each year. (A 10,000 to 1 ratio may still seem like a lot of inequality, but on a global scale, it really isn’t.)

Obviously, there would be plenty amongst the rich and powerful who’d try to game the system through complicated trusts and schemes, but as empress of this little scenario, I would reserve the right to call shenanigans and send those folks to the guillotine.

Actually, the most interesting thing about this edict would be all the bizarre rituals, institutions, and unforeseen consequences that would spring up as a side effect of such a new world order.

It’d make for a fascinating utopian/dystopian novel.


On neuro-linguistic programming

What are your thoughts on NLP? (Useful? Bullshit? Useful bullshit?)


NLP is total bullshit, but it’s very convincing bullshit, because it’s rooted in two very legitimate concepts from psycholinguistics and systems theory.

Back in the creepy half of the 1970’s, two douchebags with one PhD took Chomsky’s brilliant ideas about transformational grammar and smashed them together with the principles of second-order cybernetics to make a shiny but totally useless pile of pseudoscience.

Basically, they took a jet engine and strapped it to a submarine and told everybody that they’d built a spaceship. The problem is, if you don’t know any better, a jet engine strapped to a submarine kinda looks like a spaceship, and the world has always been full of idiots who’ll line up if you promise them free trips to the moon.

The really fucked up thing is that a jet engine is an incredible piece of technology, and a submarine can take you to some amazing places, so it requires a remarkable combination of idiots and assholes to misuse them both so blatantly.


On my favorite movies

Name your favorite movies. I’m gonna keep submitting this ’til you post em, beeyotch.


Okay, okay. In no particular order and off the top of my head:

  • Children of Men
  • Beasts of the Southern Wild
  • The Princess Bride
  • True Romance
  • Ferris Beuller’s Day Off
  • The Usual Suspects
  • Groundhog Day
  • Searching for Bobby Fisher
  • Defending Your Life
  • Interstellar
  • Trading Places
  • Heathers
  • The Imitation Game
  • Midnight in Paris
  • Goodfellas
  • Grosse Point Blank
  • Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
  • The Shawshank Redemption
  • Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
  • Heat
  • The Big Lebowski
  • Dead Poets Society
  • Clue
  • Black Swan
  • Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
  • Point Break
  • Moonrise Kingdom
  • Working Girl
  • The Breakfast Club
  • Boogie Nights
  • Michael Clayton
  • Amelie
  • Labyrinth
  • The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
  • The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension
  • Raising Arizona
  • Cold Mountain
  • Pretty Woman
  • The Godfather I and II
  • Love Actually
  • Good Will Hunting
  • The Fifth Element
  • Ordinary People
  • Clueless
  • The Silence of the Lambs
  • Fargo
  • Magnolia
  • Steel Magnolias
  • Monty Python’s Life of Brian
  • The Truman Show
  • Being There
  • Amadeus
  • Pulp Fiction
  • Tree of Life
  • Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
  • Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang
  • A History of Violence
  • L.A. Story
  • Cloud Atlas

(I know I’m forgetting some, so I reserve the right to revise and extend my list.)