On my upcoming book

I’m sure you get this one all the time, but if you put Dear Coquette (or even just your Best Ofs) between hard covers I would buy the shit out of it many times over. You’re the best.


So yeah, last month I announced on Twitter that a Dear Coquette book is finally happening, and if you’ve already pre-ordered your copy, thank you so, so much!

If you haven’t yet, please, please, please order it now. Order two. Hell, order ten. You’d be doing me a huge favor, because pre-orders are a super important part of the book’s eventual success.

As for the book itself, I’m in the final phase of the editing process, which means that now is the perfect time to open up the floor to any and all recommendations. If you have an all-time super-duper favorite Dear Coquette post that absolutely must be included in the book, use the comment section and let me know.

After all, this book is for you guys. I want you to love it!


On giving a fuck about trans women

Do you give a single fuck about trans women, or do you pretty much only care about cis women? Oh wait, let me guess, you’re an “ally” because you don’t go out murdering us and we should be grateful for that.


Some of the bravest women I’ve ever had the honor to know are trans, and one of the few times in my life I’ve ever thrown a punch was in their defense as they were being physically harassed by a transphobic piece of shit.

As for being an “ally,” I’ve never really liked that term, especially in the context of trans/cis feminism, because even though it’s meant to be supportive, it still has the effect of othering trans women.

Now, if something that I’ve said (or haven’t said) has led you to the conclusion that I don’t give a fuck about trans women (or trans men), then by all means, light me up.

I understand that your indignation isn’t really about me, but you did choose to direct it at me, so if there’s a specific conversation you’d like us to have, please let me know. I’m totally open to it.


On my secret treasure

I’ve grown to appreciate when you take a mini-hiatus from your blog. Though I imagine it’s because you actually have a life to live, I secretly imagine it’s a challenge for us to actually apply the pearls of wisdom you frequently leave here.


I go on adventures. It’s in my nature. Sometimes I write about them, and sometimes they’re just for me. I haven’t decided which this will be, but so far it involves monkeys and waterfalls and healers and flowers and ancient ceremonies and so much profound happiness that I can barely contain myself.

I haven’t even gotten to the full moon party or the photoshoot, so you’ll forgive me if my attention is elsewhere for a few more days. Just know that I am in a wonderful place right now — spiritually, emotionally, and of course, geographically.

I’ll be back soon. You all know that. In the meantime, thanks for being a part of my life. I hope you know how much I appreciate everything that you share with me.

You are all my secret treasure.


On my favorite ted talks

What are your favorite TED Talks?


On cutting off your nose to spite your face

I’ll be voting Bernie if he’s nominated, I’m unbendable titanium in that scenario. But if it does come down to Trump VS Hilary, in special thanks to you being insufferable as fuck lately, I’ll be voting Trump. Keep coming off as a pretentious, broken, lesser-version of the powerhouse badass you once were.

Oh, and:

Embrace the change! 😉 bitch.


Wow. You’ve really set yourself up to fail here. You can use your vote to help elect the Democratic nominee, or you can use your vote just to spite me. Either way, I win. Bitch.


On eating the rich

Can you explain in simple terms why you would choose to send the wealthiest .001% to the guillotine? What if they’re giving more than they’re getting?


I know it seems a bit Hunger Games-ish, but it’s actually a fairly well thought-out edict.

The premise of the question is that 1% of the world’s population has to be eliminated, and it’s up to me to do it. Okay, fine. I can work with that, but at the same time, I want to make the best of a bad situation.

Now, the premise didn’t stipulate a timeframe, so I’ll take a gracious millennium to do it. (There are several reasons for this.) First off, eliminating 1 out of 100 people all at once would be quite messy and traumatize the collective consciousness. However, eliminating 1 out of 100,000 people every year for a thousand years would barely go noticed.

More importantly, though, spreading it out over a millennium ensures that the desired effect is permanent. Now, what is the desired effect? To eliminate grotesque wealth inequality, of course.

The first year would be rather shocking. A lot of well known billionaires would end up with their heads in a basket. Obviously, a handful of them would be deeply missed, but by and large, the world would instantly become a much better place without the world’s wealthiest .001%.

Now, as the second culling approaches, do you think the remaining super-rich are gonna hold on to their wealth? Fuck no. They’re gonna redistribute whatever’s necessary to keep from losing their heads. Everyone will.

Entirely new global financial industries would spring up to automatically and inherently correct the world’s wealth inequality problem, and after a period of painful adjustment, we’d have a thousand years of relative equality where the richest person on earth would only have about 10,000 times more wealth than the poorest person on earth, or risk being sacrificed each year. (A 10,000 to 1 ratio may still seem like a lot of inequality, but on a global scale, it really isn’t.)

Obviously, there would be plenty amongst the rich and powerful who’d try to game the system through complicated trusts and schemes, but as empress of this little scenario, I would reserve the right to call shenanigans and send those folks to the guillotine.

Actually, the most interesting thing about this edict would be all the bizarre rituals, institutions, and unforeseen consequences that would spring up as a side effect of such a new world order.

It’d make for a fascinating utopian/dystopian novel.


On neuro-linguistic programming

What are your thoughts on NLP? (Useful? Bullshit? Useful bullshit?)


NLP is total bullshit, but it’s very convincing bullshit, because it’s rooted in two very legitimate concepts from psycholinguistics and systems theory.

Back in the creepy half of the 1970’s, two douchebags with one PhD took Chomsky’s brilliant ideas about transformational grammar and smashed them together with the principles of second-order cybernetics to make a shiny but totally useless pile of pseudoscience.

Basically, they took a jet engine and strapped it to a submarine and told everybody that they’d built a spaceship. The problem is, if you don’t know any better, a jet engine strapped to a submarine kinda looks like a spaceship, and the world has always been full of idiots who’ll line up if you promise them free trips to the moon.

The really fucked up thing is that a jet engine is an incredible piece of technology, and a submarine can take you to some amazing places, so it requires a remarkable combination of idiots and assholes to misuse them both so blatantly.


On my favorite movies

Name your favorite movies. I’m gonna keep submitting this ’til you post em, beeyotch.


Okay, okay. In no particular order and off the top of my head:

  • Children of Men
  • Beasts of the Southern Wild
  • The Princess Bride
  • True Romance
  • Ferris Beuller’s Day Off
  • The Usual Suspects
  • Groundhog Day
  • Searching for Bobby Fisher
  • Defending Your Life
  • Interstellar
  • Trading Places
  • Heathers
  • The Imitation Game
  • Midnight in Paris
  • Goodfellas
  • Grosse Point Blank
  • Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
  • The Shawshank Redemption
  • Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
  • Heat
  • The Big Lebowski
  • Dead Poets Society
  • Clue
  • Black Swan
  • Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
  • Point Break
  • Moonrise Kingdom
  • Working Girl
  • The Breakfast Club
  • Boogie Nights
  • Michael Clayton
  • Amelie
  • Labyrinth
  • The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
  • The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension
  • Raising Arizona
  • Cold Mountain
  • Pretty Woman
  • The Godfather I and II
  • Love Actually
  • Good Will Hunting
  • The Fifth Element
  • Ordinary People
  • Clueless
  • The Silence of the Lambs
  • Fargo
  • Magnolia
  • Steel Magnolias
  • Monty Python’s Life of Brian
  • The Truman Show
  • Being There
  • Amadeus
  • Pulp Fiction
  • Tree of Life
  • Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
  • Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang
  • A History of Violence
  • L.A. Story
  • Cloud Atlas

(I know I’m forgetting some, so I reserve the right to revise and extend my list.)


On John Kasich

Can you please unpack Kasich and why he is good/bad? Sure, I would be very happy with either Sanders or Clinton, but out of all of the Republicans, Kasich seems best. Would it be that bad if he won? (Again, I am SUPER Bernie and also believe that Hillary would do great things, but Kasich seems like a Libertarian-leaning moderate.)


Kasich is terrifying because he’s the only candidate who could beat Hillary. Trump is a distraction, Cruz is too galvanizing, and Rubio is a child, but John Kasich is that special blend of unassuming, unoffending, classically bland Presidential white guy that could beat Hillary Clinton by boring enough Democratic-leaning voters into staying home on election day.

That’s why I think he’ll be the inevitable Republican nominee. Sure, I could be wrong, but at the end of the day, Republicans don’t fuck around when it comes to money and elections, and nobody seems to have noticed, but Kasich also happens to be the living embodiment of Wall Street.

Everyone thinks Trump is the fat-cat big-business candidate. He’s not. He’s just a clown with money. Kasich is the true capitalist. He’s a former banker, former Chairman of the House Budget Committee, and a former managing director at Lehman Brothers. He also happens to be a popular Governor of a swing state, and he’s been quietly waiting for primary season to swoop in and save the party from itself.

He only seems moderate because he’s standing next to raving lunatics. He only seems palatable because we expect so little from a Republican presidential candidate. The man’s banality is his secret weapon, and it’s dangerous. The guy is a major fucking threat for the very reason you asked the question, “Would it be that bad if he won?”

Yes. It would.

Don’t kid yourself. A Kasich presidency is a win for the American plutocracy and a loss for the common American.


On knowing stuff

How do you know so much about so many things? I mean, come on, physics, relationships, history, neuroscience, pop culture, international politics, philosophy, economics, spirituality, literature… basically everything! How the fuck do you do that?


The thing I wonder is why doesn’t everybody else? There is so much amazing stuff out there worth knowing, and it’s so much fun to soak it all up.

Let me be the first to say that I am not an expert in any of those subjects. I’m merely fluent in them. I’m a mile wide and an inch deep (maybe a few inches), but that’s all it takes, and the best part is that once you start accumulating subjects, you start to see how they’re all connected. They all intersect.

That’s my trick, by the way. That’s why it seems like I know so much, because I recognize how physics connects with pop culture or neuroscience connects with spirituality or politics connects with history or literature connects with philosophy.

That’s really all I’m doing, just making connections between subjects. I mean, sure. You have to love reading and totally nerd the fuck out sometimes, but it’s so worth it. Once I’m interested in a subject I get voracious. My face is constantly exploding from all the new shit that occurs to me.

Seriously, you should try it. Once you start seeing the patterns that connect everything, it’s fucking magical.