On after the third date

Gave online dating a shot, thought I had met a nice guy. Date One consisted of Farmers Market, food trucks, bloody marys and coffees and lasted 5 hours. Great conversation/banter. Second date good but not great, Indian Food, no booze. On Date 3 went to his place, he cooked steaks and 3 bottles of wine later we had sex. A few times. Texted a few days later to thank him for dinner, he responded quickly and enthusiastically, we made tentative plans for the weekend. On Friday I receive this email:

“I had a fabulous time last Sunday: there is not much I enjoy more than gorging myself on wine, pound-cake and sloppy, reckless sex.  That said, I think I need to be romantically involved with someone less intemperate than myself, lest I end up with child, HIV, and bigger pants.  I’ll call you as soon as I manage to add moderation to my quiver of vices.”

Questions 1: What does this even mean?

Question 2: How do I respond?

Question 3: All my girlfriends are telling me that I had sex with him to soon, trouble is I like sex and I don’t believe in arbitrarily following number of date guidelines to decide when to have sex…. What say you?


Answer 1: It means you fucked a magnificent douchebag who doesn’t want to bother coming back for seconds.

Answer 2: You don’t. Just delete the prick.

Answer 3: Ignore your slut-shaming girlfriends.

You’re welcome.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *