Advice

On being a martyr

I’m just gonna be blunt and say this: my boyfriend is suicidal, and I’m probably a selfish bitch disguised as a girl trying to protect her own heart. I worry that he’ll break up with me because when his head is in a bad place he pushes everyone away. And I worry he’ll then off himself and it will be like losing him twice. To me, love is about communication and commitment, but I feel like we can’t have either right now because I worry that if I say something about our relationship, he’ll push me away, off himself, and I’ll have lost him AND feel like I’m the one who pushed him over the edge. I realise that when it comes to something like this, his life is way more important than my heart, so should I just shut up before I make things worse, or is there another option?


Wow. It’s all about you, isn’t it? You’re just the center of the fucking universe, a brave heroine embroiled in a tragic love story ready to sacrifice her heart for a suicidal boy.

Ugh. What a drama queen. Listen, your boyfriend isn’t going to kill himself. You know how I can tell? Because you’re enjoying this. I know you think you’re miserable, but you’re not. You’re romanticizing the possibility that your boyfriend might be suicidal, and you’re wallowing in it.

I’m not calling you a liar. I’m sure you believe everything you’re telling me, and I don’t doubt that your boyfriend has a ton of problems (you included.) Still, you’re not talking to me about his past suicide attempts or his specific plans to kill himself. You’re not really even talking about him at all.

Basically, you’re just asking for my permission to be a martyr. Stay with him or break it off, you get to climb up on the cross either way. Well, fuck that shit. Everything isn’t about you. Even in the highly unlikely event that he actually attempts suicide, it wouldn’t be because of you.

Get over yourself. You are not responsible for his emotional state — not now as his girlfriend, and not in the future as his ex. Never allow someone to hold you as an emotional hostage in what is obviously an unhealthy relationship.

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