Are you seriously suggesting someone do a bump of coke before they go to work? Am I so square that I think this is a terrible idea?

I may be full of terrible ideas, but you’ve been culturally conditioned to think that there’s any real difference between a morning bump of cocaine and a morning cup of coffee.

Either way, you’re just self-medicating with an addictive chemical stimulant made from a South American plant extract. Caffeine just happens to be socially acceptable, and cocaine is socially taboo.

The difference is so arbitrary that it’s ridiculous. Of course, everything about America’s drug policy is arbitrary and ridiculous, so I’m not surprised when the whole coffee slurping country doesn’t even see its own hypocrisy.