More about this, please:
“If you understand the cognitive/emotional process and have some control over your emotions (easier said than done), then with a little self-discipline, you can effectively end inconvenient crushes on your own schedule.”
Emotions are primal — eat, fuck, fight, flight — it’s the stuff of your reptilian brain, below even the human capacity for language. Feelings are emotions that have come into your awareness. You can give them a name — hunger, lust, anger, fear. Feelings are a product of emotion, but they are not the same thing. Thoughts are where the ego kicks in. They are how your conscious mind processes all those feelings and spits out everything from where you want to go for lunch to how to plan the perfect murder and all the sticky stuff in between.
So, if you want to have some control over your emotions, particularly where a crush is concerned, the trick is knowing that lust or jealousy or infatuation aren’t what you’re trying to control. What you’re really trying to control is the primal urge to fuck or fight or bond. That’s why I say it’s easier said than done, because you can’t come at it with a thinking mind. You have to come at it with an unthinking mind.
I know this is starting to get esoteric, but what I mean by unthinking mind is essentially you have to learn how to use conscious methods of manipulating your autonomic nervous system. It’s where mental meets visceral, and it’s fucking hard to do. Breathing exercises. Meditation. Conscious deescalation of arousal states. They’re all blunt tools that can sometimes get the job done, but that’s the level of control I’m talking about.
It’s a process, one that requires practice, but here’s what can happen. If you can consciously deescalate an arousal state in the presence of your crush, then the lust goes away. If you use breathing exercises to interfere with the fight-or-flight response in the presence of your crush, then the jealousy and all those butterflies in your stomach will disappear.
With a little self-discipline, you can control your emotions, and your feelings will change in kind. You’ll have different feelings to be sure, but you’ll also suddenly find yourself thinking different thoughts as well. You might even find more room for thoughts unattached to any particular feeling at all, and the next thing you know, you don’t have a crush anymore.
That’s how you accelerate the end of an inconvenient crush. (Or for that matter, control road rage, tolerate extended meals with family members, or deal with authority in all its various forms.)