I know you get about 1,000 questions per week, so I thought I’d try this again.
Last October I confronted my oldest friend (of 26 years) on a pattern of dick-ish behavior. He replied that it was all in my head, and that I was jealous of him because my life hadn’t worked out. Honestly, if we were making a material measurement, which I believe he was, I’d be generous to say we’re even, but that’s not how I ever thought of us.
To say the least, I was surprised by his very long reply, and then more so by his complete silence.
What’s eating me up is that I’m holding on to it – it’s still on my mind just about every day – and as a means of dealing with this I’ve kept an email in draft that I’ve read and revised as time has gone on. It was very extensive to start, calling him out on a long line of his bullshit, and has since been reduced to a sentence or two; a simple reply to when (not if) he comes around – he’s gone ghost on me twice before, and then comes back with a long story about what he was going through.
My 2 questions: 1) Fuck him, right?, and 2) Why am I holding onto this for so long?
Thanks for your site. I’ve gotten some huge laughs and have forwarded so many of your answers to friends.
1. Sure, fuck him.
2. I don’t have the slightest clue why you’ve been holding on to this for so long. The only thing I know for sure is that you’d be a lot happier if you weren’t.
So, you tell me. What are you getting out of it? What purpose does it serve for you to keep him under your skin?
If I had to guess, I’d say it’s somehow a product of your own self-loathing. (These things usually are.) If you had more self-respect and/or self-worth, you’d have dropped this asshole decades ago and never given him another thought.
If you want to borrow some of my self-respect, go right ahead. As soon as you’re done reading this, immediately trash that email. While you’re at it, unfriend him across all social media. Gather up any mementos or reminders of him that you keep around and either throw them away or stick them in a box.
Fucking delete him already. Let him go. Move the fuck on.
That’s an order.