Since I broke up with my ex-boyfriend earlier this year, I’ve opted to do a lot more fucking around than “legitimate dating.” If I’m asked about it by the men I hook up with, I’m not one to hide the fact that ‘no, you’re not the only one I’m banging.’ Honesty is best, I figure.

One of these men recently suggested that I’m approaching my sex life in this manner because I hate men. I’m not feeling it; I’m just burnt out on relationships but still want to have fun, ya know? The comment has stuck with me however, and I wonder — could this be possible? Could I be fucking around and daring to be candid about it because I have some sort of axe to grind?

It’s not that you have an axe to grind. You may be dealing with some residual anger toward one man in particular, but that’s a far cry from hating men.

What you’re doing is actually a pretty transparent defense mechanism. You’re dropping a bomb in the name of honesty to explode potential relationships before you get too close to be vulnerable.

You’re not being candid with the truth, you’re weaponizing it.

It’s perfectly fine to fuck around all you like, but being emotionally honest requires that you be open about it up front.

A guy you’re regularly banging shouldn’t need to ask whether he’s the only one. It’s not any of his business who else you’re fucking, but it’s also not fair for you to lead him on when you’re romantically unavailable.