Fun-Sized Advice

On fun sized advice.

What’s a good theme for a winter formal dance?

I feel like watching movies with you would be the best experience ever.

Would you please give me some tips on how to survive the holidays?
Porn. (And egg nog.)

England or Scotland? Seriously, it’s like Wales doesn’t even exist. Poor us.
You’ve got those two hot Princes though, right? (Come on, that was funny.)

You only answer the questions I ask when I’ve been drinking heavily.  Do you think this is some sort of alcohol-induced cosmic connection?
Odds are, we’re both pretty loosened up.

How old were you when you first got your hands on Ayn Rand?
About the same age as when I first got my hands on Judy Blume.

What do you feel you are personally not qualified to comment on or give advice about?
Qualified by whom? Last time I checked there was no board certification for talking shit on the internet.

Is La Perla your preferred lingerie provider? Any other suggestions?
I tend to get La Perla as a gift, which is great, but when I’m buying for myself, I pretty much always go with Agent Provocateur.

You say the blame in things going wrong is 50/50 and can be worked out if we just talked. They scream ‘fuck you’ and yell it’s all your fault. At that point can you just walk away?
Not if you’re under arrest. Otherwise, it’s your call.

Do you owe your close friends the duty of telling them that the guy they are dating is a bratty man child? Or do you allow them to make their own choices?
You owe your close friends the duty of not being a cunt. Good luck.

What constitutes a lie? If someone were to keep something from someone else, a secret that the other person probably should know, is that lying?
Omitting truth isn’t lying, but it’s still a willful act. It’s deception. Act accordingly.

I currently like a guy, but we’re both too shy to do anything about it. Are we doomed to just being friends?
Invite him over for movie night. Watch Paper Heart. It’s all about love and being doomed by shyness. It’s also incredibly boring, so after the first twenty minutes I suggest you go down on him.


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