Fun-Sized Advice

On fun sized advice.

Can you fall out of love?
Just as hard.

Will I get a promotion?

Do I look like a magic 8 ball?

Why can’t I find a decent guy? I’m fifteen, and tired of waiting.

Decent guys find whiny teenagers annoying.

Do you have or have had any STDs or STIs?

Nope. Clean and safe. The closest I’ve come to an STD is razor burn.

Does jesus love all the children in the world?

And puppies and kittens and unicorns too!

I have been called an opportunist, was this an insult?

Not by anyone that matters.

Why don’t love live here anymore?

Love can’t afford the rent.

How do you lose weight easily?

With a chainsaw.

How can I be hot?

With an oven.

How often do you answer these questions high?

As often as possible.

Should i move to france?

Hell yes.

I’m ugly. How can I get any girls?

Start a band.

How can you tell when a woman is faking?

If you knew how to tell, she wouldn’t be faking.

When are the appropriate times to tell a person to fuck off?

During eye contact.

Do you practice conservation for the planet?

The planet doesn’t need my help.

What is your bra size?

Thirty-four double-go-fuck-yourself.


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