Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

Is it normal to be nervous about life?
Yes. (The trick isn’t to not be nervous. The trick is to not be normal.)

Long-distance love or local getting laid?
What is this “or” you speak of?

I need a watch as a status symbol (don’t judge, it’s a work thing). Any recommendations?
Recognize that you have no status, realign your priorities in life, and choose a watch that fits your personal style.

How can someone use drugs such as coke and molly recreationally without getting addicted to them?
How can someone use a swimming pool recreationally without drowning?

Do you want to have kids someday?
Not nearly as much as I want people to quit asking me this question.

Is accepting money for a green card marriage unamerican?
It’s illegal, but who gives a shit? Fuck the system and don’t get caught. That’s about as American as it gets.

Where is the line between having needs and being needy?
You cross the line from having needs into being needy the moment you start believing your needs are someone else’s responsibility.

Did you watch SNL’s season opener? Do you think it has finally starting to fall apart? It was so painful to watch.
Something was up with the technical direction of the show. The jokes were there, but the timing was consistently off by a fraction of a second, and it was enough to poison the comedy. Don’t worry. They’ll find the flow again.

What is some advice for someone who is single and in their mid 20’s, when it feels like everyone is getting married/moving in together etc?
Chill. What you’re noticing is the first iteration in what will become a pattern that repeats itself every few years. Some of the relationships will last. Most won’t, so don’t be in a rush to couple up, especially if it’s for no better reason than all your friends are doing it.

What’s worth fighting for?
Fighting is easy. Ask yourself what’s worth suffering for instead.

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