Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

Liberation feminism or equality feminism?
In a patriarchal society, there is no difference.

What do I do if I don’t like the politics of my therapist?
Find another therapist. (It’s less about the politics, and more about your therapist making inappropriate self-disclosures.)

do you buy the whole “social liberal, fiscal conservative” thing? People who call themselves that make me uneasy. Aren’t the two ideologies interlinked?
When someone says they’re “socially liberal but fiscally conservative,” what they really mean is, “I wanna do whatever I want, and I don’t wanna pay any taxes.” It’s a phrase for Republican apologists and selfish people who aren’t quite ready to identify as libertarians.

What I’ve learnt in the past few years, through your blog and in my own life, is that nothing lasts forever. I want to get this realisation tattooed on my body but I can’t seem to find a way to put in down in four or five simple words. Some help, please?
The phrase you’re looking for is “sic transit gloria mundi,” and I hope you appreciate the irony of permanently signifying your impermanence.

I have always felt as though the way you ring in New Years Eve has a way of affecting the way the rest of your year goes. How do I stop feeling superstitious about it?
New Years Eve does have an effect on the way the rest of your year goes, but New Years Eve is not special. Every minute of every hour of every day has the exact same effect. When you realize that each present moment is equally new, you will no longer feel superstitious about New Years Eve.

What are your rules for an open relationship?
It doesn’t matter what my rules are. Make your own.

Bit by bit, I’m giving up.
Okay. Bit by bit, find something new.

I was giving him head, I looked up, and he was texting. Why did I keep going?
Because you weren’t finished.

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40 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. Hoots says:

    I consider myself socially liberal and fiscally conservative. I think I means I want everyone to be able to do what they want, and the government should spend our hard earned taxes on stupid shit.

    • David says:

      I don’t know why your laughing. The term she used is the most appropriate term for our present form of government. Darwin didn’t intend his work to be sociopolitical. Holding the oppressed accountable for their depression is immoral. If you can’t relate to the struggle, gender privilege is probably not the only form of unfair advantage you are guilty of exploiting. Maybe check your privileges and try again “Mel”.

        • Anna says:

          Oh please go shove your petty mouth up your arse. I mean, I stopped correcting ppl on you’re and your past 4th grade, I had better shit to do.

        • Strangely Rational says:

          Hartman’s Law of Prescriptivist Retaliation never fails to disappoint!

          Check your punctuation and try again.

          ETA: Just to be clear, Anna, I’m directing that comment at Manny, not you.

  2. Strangely Passionate says:

    Big talk for a male! Check your own privilege. Mel sounds more female than David. Also referring to the states as a patriarchal society is actually pretty silly. Coquette may be a genius but she’s not infallible and pointing out when things fall short keeps her sharp. She appreciates criticism. Otherwise she wouldn’t invite your comments you dork.

    • perspectivator says:

      If categorizing the United States as Patriarchal is silly. Please present your evidence. Otherwise we’ll just consider you wrong.

  3. compagno says:

    and the winner is … the envelope please .. COQUETTE! for:
    “The phrase you’re looking for is ‘sic transit gloria mundi,’ and I hope you appreciate the irony of permanently signifying your impermanence.”

  4. Anna says:

    Also, saying we live in a patriarchal society doesn’t mean society is based exclusively on domination of women. Of course we know the economy is based on the domination of poor people. But patriarchy is a self-perpetuating social mechanism in this socio-economic complex that contributes to the the whole, therefore it’s correct to say we live in a profoundly patriarchal society (same goes for racism).

  5. Hm says:

    Tattoo suggestion: A photorealistic image of a woman, (we’ll call her Gloria,) puking on a bus. There’s a banner that says “Monday,” across the bottom of the image.

  6. Nerdlinger says:

    Some Marxists believe every social problem is rooted in capitalism and all the other -isms just flow from them, because you can reduce everything to a money problem if you reason hard enough.

    Some feminists call every social problem part of the patriarchy because you can reduce everything to a problem of masculine domination if you reason hard enough.

    Some anti-racists believe every social problem can be seen a part of white supremacy, because all other -ism stem from racism if you reason hard enough(all subordination of women is done because their reproductive capability must be protected as it is needed to help race X survive).

    Some disability rights activists believe everything is ableism because women and minorities are seen as defective and less able(which is an argument you can also use on everything).

    Some geeks believe it’s all one giant set of co-ordination problems and all -isms can be explained that way: http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/07/30/meditations-on-moloch/

    After a certain point, it doesn’t really matter what you call the beast as long as you’re doing your share of letting it die a death by a thousand cuts.

    • Skylar says:

      Well said! I definitely fall into the Marxist category lol, the more I see and learn about the state of the world the more I see capitalisms grubby fingers involved in all that is wrong. Of course, capitalism didn’t invent the other isms but I can’t help but feel it does its best to perpetuate them. But your comment reminded me not to be so reductionist 😀

  7. CynicalGrey says:

    So, a question framed in feminist language references the patriarchy and we are confused for what reason? Seems a fair response to a query about which form of feminism OP or Coke would choose.

  8. Strangely Rational says:

    So you’re struggling to find a way to say “nothing lasts forever” in simple words?

    Were those not simple enough for you?

  9. Nihils says:

    Isn’t the role of self-disclosure in therapy an active area of research? I can imagine many cases where the client learning the politics of therapist is inappropriate, but are there cases where it’s allowable?

    • The Coquette says:

      It’s not that it isn’t allowable, but offending a client with personal politics is an indication of a pretty shitty therapist.

      • Daisy says:

        I think of it as:

        A good friend listens to your problems but might bring it back to herself sometimes because reciprocity.

        A therapist listens to your problems and never brings it back to herself because monetary compensation. You (and or your insurance) are literally paying to be the center of attention.

        Self-disclosure that continues the conversation might be helpful on a therapeutic setting, but if it diverts or derails the conversation it’s a breach of contract.

        On the other hand, maybe the therapist in question is just pretending to have offensive politics as part of the treatment plan.

  10. Hortenspa says:

    Ah, sorry, accidentally posted a comment as a question instead of using the comment section. Anyways: disagree on the tattoo, though “sic transit gloria mundi” is fine. πάντα ῥεῖ, however, is even more pretentious. Go for Greek!

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