Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

1% of the world’s population has to be eliminated. How would you do it?
Every year for a millennium, I would send the world’s wealthiest .001% to the guillotine.

I’ve been having a lot of anal sex. How do I prevent my asshole from getting loose?
Super glue and duct tape.

Do you ever feel like Nihilism is kind of defeatist? I’m struggling to accept it’s implicit truths without also drowning in cynicism.
Nihilism mixed with cynicism is defeatist, but nihilism mixed with humanism is fucking beautiful.

Seriously. I know a lot people are saying if Trump is elected they will leave the country, and I am serious! How can I leave the country for a long period of time without losing my citizenship?
If you’re natural-born, you can’t lose your American citizenship involuntarily, and depending on which country you move to, dual citizenship is usually an option after being a permanent resident for a certain number of years.

About your “former crush” now “ongoing romantic complication” you said, some time ago, he was in love with someone else. I thought in the years you also affirmed, or maybe it was implied in all the advices, that being “the other one”, the lover, was something to run away from asap. Please don’t tell me you fell into that, I kind of look at you and this would be harsh.
I’m not the “other one.” We’re both single and dating, and we both have emotional baggage. There’s a reason it’s complicated. The only long-term risk I run is ultimately being a second choice, which is something I would never allow.

On your sort-of-not-really crush: what would you do if he/she told you, “I think I love you but I can’t do this because I’m too busy.”
We’re colleagues, so I know exactly how busy he/she is. Plus, we’re both adults. It’s waaay to early for anything close to “I think I love you.” (If you’re asking for your own sake because a guy/girl in your life is saying this to you, then you shouldn’t have put it in terms of my personal situation.)

Who should I vote for today?
If you’re a registered Republican in a closed primary, vote for Marco Rubio. Otherwise, vote for Bernie Sanders.


37 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. Livvid says:

    Instead of leaving the country, how about you stick around and:
    1) Donate to and volunteer for programs and organizations that would lose funding under a Trump administration
    2) Commit acts of civil disobedience and occupy the media
    3) Campaign hardcore at midterm elections. Go door to door. Make phone calls.

    You know, participate in your government instead of treating it like a defective iPad?

      • Livvid says:

        I’m a female Iranian immigrant of working class Muslim parents. I know what it’s like to have to flee country. I also know the resources it takes to move to a country and establish citizenship there.

        And be wary of the implication that the rest of the world ISN’T hostile toward non White, non-cis non-Males.

  2. Just Me says:

    For a while during the Occupy movement I was concerned we’d be heading for our own class war (bring out the guillotine!) With the widespread, open embrace of Drumpf’s racism and xenophobia, I’m now concerned about a life-imitates-art Idiocracy America kicked off by a Muslim/immigrants Holocaust sequel. Is it just my own national anxiety or is this a genuine possibility? And what the hell do we do to stop this train wreck if that Cheeto dust con man actually takes office?

    • Livvid says:

      Can you expand on what you’re asking? If we think Trump is powerful enough a demagogue to incite something akin to the Holocaust on American soil? Are you speaking literally or in hyperbole?

      I can’t find a way to write this comment without my tone coming across as harsh, but I’m asking out of genuine curiosity.

      • Just Me says:

        It’s a bit of hyperbole mixed in with genuine concern regarding alarming statements he has made. He’s also very sly about quoting other racist comments and ideas then claiming “I didn’t say that, I was just talking about the other guy” but the message and intent are still broadcast.

        As an example, his referral to “Operation Wetback” in 1954 as a potential model for his deportation plans. He recently stated he would “change it so you can sue the media easier for libel” effectively trying to silence the 4th Estate and any criticism or analysis he doesn’t like. He has yet to put forth ANYTHING remotely resembling a policy or platform in the debates, but rather bullies and name calls. I’m no fan of Rubio but when challenged Trump in the last debate, Trump’s reply was to comment on Rubio’s sweating problem.

        He makes outlandish statements and proclamations and doesn’t care if they’re the least bit factual. Asked about anything he bluffs that “he’s got very good people who will find out just what needs to be done.” He is rude, uninformed on any subject related to policy, bigoted and a spoiled bully.

        So while I don’t think he’s drawing up blueprints for gas showers just yet, I could easily see him enacting policies and trampling human rights which could lead to a similar scenario. Coupled with his “profit by any means” and his disdain for pesky things like scientific proof, he could continue the path of environmental destruction we are dancing down. He cares nothing for the lower or middle class beyond their votes so basic human services are endangered in a Trump administration.

        Sorry for the long answer but I felt you needed more info than my previous metaphors. Basically, the GOP and Wall Street have been peeking through this doorway for the last 20 years; Trump will blow it off the hinges.

        (And you didn’t sound harsh, it was a respectful request to expand my thoughts.)

        • Livvid says:

          Gotcha. I’m of the opinion that people aren’t scared enough of Trump. Yes, the role of a president is limited. But the role of a demagogue is boundless. I think he’s capable of a lot, especially in the ways that you outlined above.

          I do think for large scale change to happen in a society (a revolution, a Holocaust, any sort of significant regime change) the people who could enact that change have to meet certain conditions. Change takes resources in the form of time and energy. You need to invest a lot into mobilizing a movement like that.

          If you want to see the damage Trump is capable of, you have to get a snapshot of his support base. What are we looking at here? Who are these people and what are they capable of?

          • RocketGrunt says:

            Trump has a white supremacist super PAC called the American National Super PAC, his rallies tend to involve violence against protesters and press, and 20% of his voting base thinks the Emancipation Proclamation was a bad idea. I think his support base makes a second Holocaust plausible (and very likely to happen if he gets elected).

          • Gaybeard says:

            Trump is just the harbinger of a new type of American politician as the United States continues its increasingly inevitable march to fascism. Thankfully Trump is more Mussolini than Hitler.

          • compagno says:

            “When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.” various attributions

            “When and if fascism comes to America it will not be labeled “made in Germany”; it will not be marked with a swastika; it will not even be called fascism; it will be called, of course, ‘Americanism’.” Halford E. Luccock (1938)

            “Sinclair Lewis aptly predicted in _It Can’t Happen Here_ that if fascism came to America it would come wrapped in the flag and whistling ‘The Star Spangled Banner.'” Harrison Evans Salisbury (1971)

  3. bramble says:

    Is being with anyone as a “second choice” ever OK? I’m thinking no – right? So is it is a question of waiting/working through that baggage till the notion of the “first choice” evaporates as such?

    • The Coquette says:

      Essentially, yes. In my case, I would never allow myself to be primarily committed to someone who would rather be primarily committed to someone else.

      • maya says:

        I’m assuming “someone else” could be replaced with anything like work, school, etc. Basically other commitments?

  4. RocketGrunt says:

    If anal sex could make your butt hole loose, wouldn’t we all have gaping holes from all the pooping? Like, it would get to the point where we couldn’t even hold it in anymore after the first decade of bowel movements.

    • WhoAmI says:

      Anal sex does loosen the anus and digestive track. It is, however, temporary. If you don’t get fucked every two hours and have strong healthy muscles down there you won’t be loose when your next anal intercourse comes. However some people do have naturally small, quenched assholes. For everyone else there are exercises to do to tighten it and give it that inexperienced twink ass look.
      I mean, if what your butthole looks like is that important to you (learning how to contract your bowels repeatedly during intercourse is, in my experience, far more valuable).

      • A bit high says:

        Any suggestions for those of us with really uhhhh quenched assholes who cant quite unquench even if desired?

        • WhoAmI says:

          1. Lots of foreplay. Kissing, grinding, ass eating, fingering, teasing with the tip, you name it.
          2. Don’t worry in the moment about how dirty you could be down there. If you don’t feel like you have to take a shit really badly, you aren’t as much as you think. And it’s not that important anyway.

      • J says:

        “Clenched”. You walnut. The word is clenched. Unless you’re talking about thirsty ass mother fuckers who finally got satisfied, but given the context I think you mean tighten/tense. Therefore, the word is clenched.

        • WhoAmI says:

          Really sorry about not opening a dictionary before sending everyone of my posts, but my spellchecker is initially set to french, not english.

        • WhoAmI says:

          And I’m not being sarcastic about it, I really do want to better my english in there.
          Hopefully aside from some glaring vocabulary mistakes my posts here are mostly readable ?

          • A bit high says:

            Thanks for the advice. I have tried all that, and it’s still painful as fuck for me. I need a scaleable solution rather than relying on a large quantity of muscle relaxers and alcohol but I just don’t know if it’s in the cards for my little walnut…

          • WhoAmI says:

            Be careful with alcohol ! Too much of it can be very problematic for anal sex.
            Also before trying it again, you might want to get your ass accustomed to getting touched and fingered and what not (try to do it with toys before the real deal).
            And always use lube, on the outside and the inside. Lots of it for the first times.

          • CynicalGrey says:

            Why do you want to get slapped around so much when it hurts so bad? Why do you like to deep throat when it makes your throat sore? Why do you go down on her for 45 minutes when you know your jaw tenses and hurts for a day afterwards?

            Are you really asking why people’s kinks turn them on?

          • WhoAmI says:

            Exactly. Even though I wouldn’t put anal sex in the kink category.
            You actually get physical pleasure from anal sex, from giving deep throat not so much.

          • Strangely Rational says:

            Whoa, if English isn’t your first language, I’m impressed. It’s pretty good for a native speaker!

            I don’t typically correct people’s grammar and spelling on forums, but since you asked, it’s digestive “tract,” not track. Extremely common error as they sound so much alike.

    • Betsy says:

      I’ve heard of people losing control of their bowels by rupturing the muscles in their anus, but it only happens if they’re not not careful enough – i.e. same way it works if any other muscle was ruptured.

    • Grim says:

      Do you really think she was going to say vote for Carson? Or, lord have mercy, Cruz? And “re-register as a Democrat” is just condescending, even if it’s been objectively correct since the early eighties at least.

  5. Nicole says:

    The next time I get that anal sex question, I am using your answer, Coke. It is funnier than anything I could come up with 🙂
    And as a side note, one of the docs I know at work reads you, too. I was just referencing something you’ve recently posted and he looked at me and said, “Coketalk!” We fist bumped right at the nurses station, of course.
    Keep up the awesome work. You really are one of my fave parts of the day 🙂

  6. definitely not batman says:

    Oh man. Just think of the Trump v. Clinton debates. Let’s hope his inevitable gross misogyny/overall idiocy will anger people enough to get out and vote Democratic. If Bernie fans stay home and pout (Bernie or bust!) or if a number of people decide to stay home thinking there’s no way Trump wins even without their vote, shit could get tricky. Dem turnout has been disconcertingly low compared to the Republicans tbh.

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