Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

I hate your happy life.
Don’t envy something that doesn’t even exist.

Anyone you meet in their 30s who hasn’t settled down is going to have emotional baggage. Agree?
Dude. Anyone you meet who’s gone through puberty is going to have emotional baggage.

I’m in college and a 21 year old woman. I thought I knew myself. I know that sexuality is a spectrum and that a binary way of thinking can be limiting. So why am I so torn about thinking I’m leaning much more towards the middle rather than the very edge of heterosexuality? Is it hetronormative norms or individual insecurities?
Yes. (Where do you think your insecurities come from? They’re the inevitable products of shame derived from societal norms.)

My boyfriend dresses like a damn fool. He wears trench coats in the middle of summer, bright neon yellow sneakers, has that weird ponytail haircut with shaved sides. He knows I don’t like any of those things, but I don’t control his life. I don’t want to. I just don’t want to be embarrassed every time I leave the house with him. How do I even approach this?
You’re the idiot who picked him. If you don’t want to change him, then he’s yours to suffer. Oh, and just a friendly reminder: he doesn’t have to be your boyfriend.

Is the entire west coast queer scene polyamorous now? I’m a lesbian in my late 20s and I feel old-fashioned, but monogamy is the only arrangement that works for me. Should I move or adjust my relationship expectations?
It’s a question of whether you want to change your reality or accept your reality. Change and acceptance both have their pros and cons, but it’s really up to you. (Personally, I recommend doing both at the same time. It seems to be working for me.)

My therapist thinks that being afraid of frown lines and crows feet means I am afraid of dying. Do you agree? I actually would welcome death; what I am terrified of is looking like an aging woman.
A thousand bucks says your therapist is a man. I mean sure, what you’re experiencing is existential anxiety, but it’s not about losing your life as in death. It’s about losing your life as in vitality. Those aren’t the same flavor, and they require coming to terms with completely different truths.

Ghostbusters reboot: love it, hate it, don’t give a shit?
Haven’t seen it yet, but I hope it’s a massive hit. I love the idea of gender-flipped reboots. (I still can’t wait for them to do the one of Roadhouse with Ronda Rousey in Patrick Swayze’s role.)

Ilana or Abbi?

I’m reading your blog during the sermon. I’m church ministerial staff.


14 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. FJ!! says:

    I’d be more impressed with the reboot if the ONLY PoC woman wasn’t stereotypically sassy, “street smart”, a blue-collar worker, and prone to hysterical religious behavior.

    Shorthand is great and all, but the ONLY one slots too easy in a lazy cultural pattern.

    • rollertrain says:

      I thought that too at first until I realized that the characters are pretty much the same as the original cast, at least from what the trailer shows. Ernie Hudson’s original character is/was the street stereotype.

  2. UnderTheGun says:

    Am i the only one who whates the reboot? Just because it’s so in-your-face banking on the feminist movement but also because…they chose the most predictable cast ever. I don’t know, i’ll see it, maybe even like it but the hype makes fool of us all in my opinion and i refuse to partake

  3. Fred says:

    Surely you are happy at times, maybe even a few instances a month. Maybe even that feels out of reach for a gal kept down by circumstances. Or a fellow. I don’t know.

    • StephenM3 says:

      I think the point is, whatever life that submitter is picturing in order to envy it, is just that submitter’s fiction.

  4. Light37 says:

    Everyone has some emotional baggage; the real question is how they deal with it (or if they do) and whether they’re expecting you to become their unpaid Sherpa and carry it all for them (protip, flee at lightspeed from these types.)

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