Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

A guy I’m super in to really wants to get with me but has a girlfriend. Why don’t I give much of a fuck about that last part?
Because you’ve forgotten the golden rule.

“Fake it till you make it” – how do I know when I’ve stopped faking it and it’s real?

When the check clears.

How do you tell your boyfriend you want him to move out of your place but reiterate that you don’t want to break up?

You’re trying to do too much at once. First, just get him to move out. You can tell him it’s not a break-up all you want, but that doesn’t matter. Deal with salvaging the relationship after the move.

I got sober. So now what?

Keep your shit together and don’t make a big deal out of it.

Are you still a teenager at 19?

Numerically and very often emotionally.

What if I never have good sex?

What if you already have?

What is the proper etiquette for leaving a one night stand the next morning? I just said “It was lovely to meet you.”

That’s about right. I usually like to finish off with a friendly kiss on the cheek and the phrase, “Have a nice life.”

Why am I attracted to guys who always have one foot out the door?

So that you can experience all of the emotional drama without taking any of the emotional risk.

What music did you play at that party with the filthy rich white people?

Music by filthy rich black people. Duh.

Do you make new year resolutions? If so, what are they?

Focus on one or two big things this year instead of a whole bunch of little things. Give all of my fucks to charity. Make out more.


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