Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

I finally watched some Broad City today. It irritates me that young women must be crass in order to be humorous. Who are the truly feminine feminist young women?
Fuck you, that’s who.

Okay, this is a legitimate question. Is it arrogant to think that if a random guy talks to you, he’s hitting on you? It’s not an experience I’ve had often but I’m always suspicious when it happens. I’m generally suspicious of people’s motivations anyway, and I couldn’t think of anyone else to ask and get an honest answer.
Close, but you’re using the wrong word. It’s not arrogant. It’s presumptuous.

I’m 23. Do I have time?
Maybe. Maybe not. You could die tomorrow or live another hundred years. Whatever ends up happening, 23 is a great age in which to chill the fuck out and just enjoy the present moment. Stop looking at the clock and go have some fun.

Does he miss me?
Nope. (For what it’s worth, he jerks off to you occasionally.)

The bitches in my sorority called the cops on us for doing whip-its in the back yard. What should I do?
They’re snitches. You should end them. Since I doubt you know how to make their deaths look like a suicide, it’s probably best just to get them kicked out of your sorority.

Why is it so hard to stop watching porn?
Compulsive sexual behaviors can be just as addictive as chemicals. Porn is a drug, dude. Act accordingly.

I kinda love reading your older stuff from 2009. Seem to have had a lot of super serious submissions lately.
People ask me super serious questions now. Deal with it.

Your book recommendations have helped me to learn so much more about the world. Thank you for posting them. I came across a recommendation on your style blog once, The Ethical Slut, do you still suggest your readers take a look at that book?
Not really. The Ethical Slut is an important document, but it’s from the 90s, so its politics and point of view will seem stale to new readers. These days, I prefer to start people with Opening Up.

Your blog must get lots of page views. Why don’t you monetize it? Throw some ads on the site, make some cash.
Ew, gross.


60 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

    • a grouch says:

      The lack of ads makes this all seem so much more real. I think if this blog got ads, that would become its end.

      • VeryOff says:

        I’m just standing on the side with the women here because the idea that they “have” to be crass to be funny is just gross. Then tangling up that prudish idea of crass with feminism? Call officer ugh because I’m poisoned by this gradeschool idea of femininity and boundary on feminism.

        Also I’m more than happy to tumble with someone who is serious about what they stand for even if I don’t agree. They might earn my respect and that door is always open even if I have to swallow a few “fuck you’s” on the way to understanding them.

        Sorry not sorry to add my laundry to the pile;
        Kate Berlants Characters on Netflix is hilarious and not crass in the slightest. I’m tired of the whole “women aren’t funny” bullshit, it’s robbing me of laughs.
        See Also Natasha Rothwells Characters.

    • P says:

      Sometimes women don’t care if you fall in love with them/would fuck them. Sometimes they just want to be recognised as funny or even as human beings, who are uninvolved personally with you. A woman doesn’t need to have romantic or sexual credit in order to be a proper person.

  1. JustThisGirl says:

    I find Ethical Slut to be good for people who are already warm to the idea. Opening Up was my first read on the subject and at the time I appreciated that it took a much more academic tone that I could relate to without having fully bought into the concept yet.
    FWIW, I’m now happily single-poly and very glad to have read both books before starting on my journey. Both have helped me navigate and/or avoid the common pitfalls of consensual nonmonogamy.

        • VeryOff says:

          there’s a ton of gender flagging in that.
          Irritation at “young women” already sets a boundary that isn’t necessarily gender typed but sets the stage for the grand announcement “truly feminine feminist young women.”

          It’s laughably redundant in its fist pounding ownership of the definition of femininity and feminism. If that’s not a 52 year old dude who grew up in Texas then it’s a cat lady with no books in her house.

          Richard? Are you back?

          • VeryOff says:

            Sorry, I just can’t get over that “truly feminine feminist” phrase…it’s like I can hear the bagpipes of the “no true Scotsman” argument coming over the hill.

          • WilhelminaMildew says:

            You and me both. Makes me wonder if the OP has even the slightest idea of what feminism is all about.

      • A grouch says:

        Almost definitely. The sort of person who whines about young women not being “feminine” enough is certainly not both of those things, but my money is on neither.

    • Plagarism says:

      Genuine question: why does it matter? I call women dude all the time, so maybe that’s why I don’t get it.

    • FlyBy says:

      Can’t seem to find the main reply button, so I’m writing here. Porn addiction is one of my hot buttons, let me show you it.

      Porn’s about like alcohol. Most people use it in moderation and are fine. Some people get addicted. Addicts are generally seriously unhappy people, and they can make life hell for their family. Don’t assume that because you can more easily hide a porn addiction that it won’t hurt the people around you. You’ll still have all the self-centered and nasty behavior issues that come with addictions. Porn also has the extra bonus of fucking up your ability to have healthy real-life sexual relationships.

      So yeah, take that shit seriously.

      • Paige says:

        The inherent problem is the addiction, not the act of watching porn. Anything that isn’t done in moderation can become an addiction.

  2. Anna says:

    This came just in time for my library break.
    And I also wondered about the monetisation at some point. It would totally mess with the minimal aesthetic of the blog though. If support for CQ creative endeavours is needed, Patreon would be a better idea.

  3. Kat says:

    “People ask me super serious questions now”

    For what it’s worth, I very much appreciate the super serious questions & answers. I’ve come here a few times to ask questions that you have happened to answer in the last few days. The blog is maturing with you. It’s beautiful. Keep on keepin on.

  4. Rachael says:

    Is the missing more of a female tendency? (Or just a me thing) I’ve never not excruciatingly missed someone (male) for months after we’ve broken up or just gone separate ways…

    • VeryOff says:

      I was thinking it was just gender insistent up to but never crossing the line of a lady that doth protest too much.

      Only a true lady would really be feminine enough to protest!

  5. AlligatorO says:

    I dislike overly crass humor whether its being presented by male or female comics. No difference in reaction. I might be prudish but at least it’s an equal standard. THAT’S what feminism is actually about.

  6. LaughsAtYou says:

    “The bitches in my sorority called the cops on us for doing whip-its in the back yard. What should I do?”

    jesus fucking christ youre a dumb one

  7. mrsjones says:

    I am also not in with the Broad City. I watched a couple episodes and I just couldn’t – young people spending lots of time searching for pot is just not something I find amusing in the least.

    My BF loves it, though. Whatevs.

  8. Datdamwuf says:

    I guess I should really send an email request to you, but seriously – I’m over 50 and I still don’t know when someone is flirting with me or just being friendly at first meeting. Many people have commented on my denseness (is that a word). Even my own mother noticed this about me years ago and gave me a funny tshirt about it. Is that normal?

    • The Coquette says:

      Denseness is a word, but I like obliviousness better. As for normal, well, that’s a relative term, so let’s not bother worrying about it. (Out of curiosity, how are you with other social cues? How are you with eye contact? How are you when speaking with others?)

  9. Datdamwuf says:

    Yes, obliviousness is more like it. I’m not sure about other social cues, there are plenty of times when I think later something was missed. I like being around people but they wear me out fast because I have to be on around people. I can’t really explain that beyond the fact I had to, well, learn people?

    I used to make eye contact very well. That’s how I first learned about my flirting cluelessness. People would think I was flirting because I look them in the eyes when conversing, I was told it was an intense gaze. I don’t think that is the issue ref flirting; I went through some trauma and now I don’t naturally look people in the eyes anymore, I have to make myself. It’s a thing I realized 2 years ago (that I can’t seem to fix). I get upset when I walk away from a conversation and realize I never looked the person in the eyes. I don’t really understand how something so fundamental changed.

    Finally, speaking to people; I’m pretty gregarious, have no problem striking up conversation with strangers. Not sure if that is what you are asking though. Is it other peoples perception of me? I’d have to ask people. I’ve interviewed for at least 50 jobs and have always been offered a position, save one where the top boss wanted a PHD. I started to take this interview thing out because that may be me using tactics that work, leaving it. This answer got really long, thank you for responding.

    • Jules says:

      I don’t see that anyone replied to you, so I will, in the hopes you might read this. I’m pretty much the same as you. I was diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum a few years ago. I had to take special lessons so I could learn how to not make people uncomfortable with my intense gaze, how not to take things too literally, how to understand what emotion people are trying to display in their faces and body language, how to understand the more subtle meaning behind what people say (and how sometimes they mean the OPPOSITE of what they’re saying). I’ve had to “learn” people my whole life too. It’s okay, social skills can be learned just like any other skill, it’s just very frustrating to feel like everyone else just “knows” things and that you didn’t get the memo. All of those unspoken rules that you’re judged by, they can be learned. And the coolest thing was eventually finding people who are ok with you being gregarious or direct with them (and actually appreciate you all the more for it), makes you feel like an actual human being. This is all to say, it might be worth exploring with a neurologist to see if your brain might be behaving like mine. It was an “aha!” moment for me, anyway. There’s nothing wrong with me, my brain is just wired differently from most people and that’s okay. I just need an “adapter” to translate what I mean from very-literal-english to people-speak. This answer got really long too, ha.

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