Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

“If Omar Mateen doesn’t represent all Muslims, why does he represent all gun owners?”
…Thoughts?
This is a straw man fallacy built around a false equivalency. No one is suggesting he represents all gun owners, and no one is suggesting he represents all Muslims. (If you actually know folks who suggest either, you may safely ignore whatever else they have to say, because they’re fucking idiots.) The only group Mateen represents is the tiny population of men with the potential to commit suicide by mass shooting in a fit of their own self-loathing and narcissistic rage who have absolutely no business being able to legally purchase firearms of any kind, much less assault weapons with high-capacity magazines that have no legitimate purpose other than military combat.

I know you’ve spoken about owning a gun before, but forgive me for not getting it. There is absolutely no fucking excuse for it, especially when it’s someone as smart, politically and ethically sound as you.
There are plenty of legitimate reasons to own a firearm. Don’t be an absolutist about this kind of shit. It makes it harder for the rest of us to get public opinion and legislation moving in a direction towards effective gun control.

Coquette, how do you meet guys? I do not want a relationship but I’m missing the little crushes here and then. I´m not a party girl, so clubs are out of the question. Any tips? I’m a fairly attractive 25 years old female not having sex.
Lately? Bumble.

I tend to be attracted to older men. Why do the older men I choose keep turning out to be ones who claim to typically be attracted to older women?
Oh, honey. That’s just their way of letting you down easy.

Top sex tip for a young couple who’ve been together for 2.5 years and whose sex life is starting to wane?
Eye contact.

When is enough enough?
Right before it’s too much.

I want kids someday, but I don’t want to bring them into this shitty world. What would you do?
I dunno. Get pregnant in another dimension?

You’re Bill Maher’s secret love child aren’t you?
No, but I used to party with the strippers he fucked.

I don’t think I’m good enough for him.
With that attitude, neither will he.

Do you still smoke(habitually)?
Nope.

Standard

74 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. definitely not batman says:

    I was expecting a shameless book plug somewhere in this post, but there is none. Sad!

    Kidding aside, are there gonna be any new stuff in there or is it truly “The Best Of” this blog? I’m considering buying a few copies for my friends who can’t seem to recognize a good thing unless it hits them in the face, so I’m planning to hit them in the face with it.

    • hanbanjo says:

      I imagine it will be somewhat like the Letters to My Future Husband where there is all the old witty posted shit interspersed with new pithy background shit. Doesn’t even fucking matter. Shit will be fantastic.

  2. WhoAmI says:

    Omar Mateen was just a racist homophobe with a gun, nothing more and nothing less.
    People who want you to forget that are just other racist homophobes with a gun who want to be forgotten until the next mass shooting.

  3. VeryOff says:

    Guns will continue to be primarily a mental health issue. Legislation will protect us from the majority, and is an excellent step. But there will be a day in the not too distant future wherein these weapons can be easily printed at home. And at that point; the laws will be near unenforceable. It’s in our best interest to get in front of the poverty and lack of health care that brings about people born with violence as their only voice. Because if there was no poverty, and everyone was healthy, it wouldn’t matter if anyone owned a gun because they would have too much to lose if they used it.

          • VeryOff says:

            I’m weird. I think we should start by classifying it as a hate crime. Insist on licensing, waiting periods, and background checks. Then create legislation that requires a doctor to sign off on gun ownership after that process. If someone a doctor has approved is involved in a mass shooting, the doctor goes up for review. Twice and they lose their practice. This is about holding people who are still alive accountable.
            Tax the living fuck out of gunpowder and ammunition just like Chris Rock said.

          • COSKEL says:

            Tax the living fuck out of gunpowder and ammunition just like Chris Rock said.

            THIS ALL DAY.

          • Bob Qwerty says:

            ah yes, Doctors. Let use the same ones who sign off on handicapped parking placards for the able bodied… or certify that you are unable to work again so you can get social security disability income every day for the rest of your life while you party on the beach playing volleyball in Boca??? Are those the doctors you are talking about?

          • WhoAmI says:

            I thought I could never just plainly dislike someone who reads Coke and comment on her posts, but then bob qwerty came along.

          • VeryOff says:

            After doing a little digging, I have to rescind the idea of a doctor signing off. Mental illness is too unpredictable. But a masked background check for a history of mental illness wouldn’t be a crazy thing to consider.

        • Chris says:

          When my oldest was 10 I bought her a rifle that was her size (the only one I ever owned). We went shooting a couple times, and both enjoyed it. She gained a lot of confidence from being able to put bullets on paper.

          However, my wife and I eventually decided we didn’t want a weapon like that in the house and no longer have it.

          As Coke said up top, there are plenty of legitimate reasons to own a weapon (I used to have several illegal weapons for martial arts training). In my case with the gun, it was something useful I could teach my daughter, but in the end it wasn’t something I wanted to maintain. I also no longer have the martial arts weapons, but would if I wished to pick up my training again.

          As for Coke’s idea – I think taxing one’s arsenal is an excellent method for helping people consider the purchase.

          “Sure, another AR-15 would be amazing! but do I really want to incur an add-on like that to my 7% non-standard-gun-tax)”

      • Bruce says:

        A ridiculous argument. We don’t have to guess what happens when you enact stricter gun laws. Plenty of first-world countries have done it already, and people didn’t start manufacturing their own guns in quantities that replaced what was once legally available.

    • hanbanjo says:

      She has stated in a past post (or two) that learning how to safely wield a firearm was therapeutic for her because at one point in time she was held at gunpoint by some shitty human beings which resulted in some form of PTSD.

      I’d go through and link the post, but I’m feeling lazy rn and it isn’t one of the posts I have bookmarked.

      • Rainbowpony says:

        She owns a gun because it symbolizes power over a time when she had none. I’d say most people have guns for symbolic reasons. Too bad it’s a tool designed only to kill people, a fact that seems to escape everyone that owns a gun.

        Please find other power totem tokens.

        • VeryOff says:

          I think it’s completely fine for sane people to own guns. I don’t care if it’s a symbol or not. Part of the wonder of civilization is that we all have these amazingly deadly things around us and have agreed not to use them. If it didn’t actually work as intended, it wouldn’t be much of a symbol and she’s sure as fuck not using it as a deterrent…i don’t imagine. Nobody needs a “token fire extinguisher” to keep them safe from fires.
          Because; for some people the power of the symbol isn’t in the fantasy of using it, it’s in the security of knowing they could if they had to. That’s probably why gun training is beautiful therapy.

          • Alexander says:

            Totally agree. As a gay dude, with what just happened in Orlando, I would really like to have a gun and know how to use it properly only for self-defense. I’ll go through all the proper channels, background checks and whatever. I think those things are reasonable and I have nothing to hide. There have moments where I’ve been yelled “faggot” while walking down to street alone. So yeah, I’d feel really safe with a weapon.

          • bang says:

            Alexander, try pinkpistols.org, they’re an organization dedicated to arming and training LGBTQ+ people in America. Maybe there’s a chapter near you.

          • Benjamin Silverstein says:

            Some evidence points to the complete opposite being true. That owning a gun makes you less safe.

          • WhoAmI says:

            It’s not about actually being safer but feeling safer.
            Those are two totally different things and I’m sure you know it.

          • cichlidhead says:

            @WhoAmI wouldn’t it be nice though if feeling safer and being safer actually lined up? Your statement strikes the scientist in me as a little ridiculous.

            “Who cares if I’m actually putting myself in more danger so long as I feel safer?”

          • Rainbowpony says:

            Which is nice, but the evidence suggests the opposite. Having a gun around makes you less safe. Even for the trained, even for the sane. As someone suggested, it makes you feel more safe, which is not the same as actually being more safe. It’s just a damn symbol. But it’s a dangerous tool.

            It amazes me people who cry about others inability to recoginize climate change or that sentience starts at conception will turn around and claim that guns make you safe. They dont. Those are the facts. You increase your risks for yourself, and everyone around you, when you ignore these facts and get a god damn gun.

          • Alexander says:

            OK first of all, what does this have to do with climate change? That’s a silly false equivalency, people can be right about one thing and wrong about others. Being right about climate change won’t make you right about every other subject.
            Secondly, I looked up the information and as you said, it is a myth that guns make you safer. Apparently people who carry guns are more likely to get shot than the ones who don’t, I’ll give you that point.
            So my question then is, how the fuck am I supposed to keep myself safe? I’m a gay dude, whose been called faggot in the street. I don’t do anything dangerous or go to places where I might be in harms way, but my very existence put me in danger, as seen in Orlando. How would you tell any LGBT person to keep themselves safe? Not even gay bars are safe. I don’t know, this seems like a more complex discussion, and although these gun statistics seem to be grounded, I would like to see some that use LGBT individuals as their subjects.

          • Giuliana says:

            be aware of your surroundings. don’t engage with people who harrass you. carry pepper spray (make sure it is legal in your city.) pepper spray is a very good tool for defense and will have less serious consequences than a gun if an attacker gets a hold of it and uses it on you. also, because it has a wide range of spray, you are more likely to hit your target and disable them.

            what people do not realise about guns when they consider learning how to use and carry one for safety is that it is not actually easy to hit your mark. in the movies of course it looks simple. even if you have inborn talent in aiming accuracy, you probably are not going to be a sharp shooter. now imagine a situation where you are fearing for your safety, someone(s) is coming at you violently and erratically, maybe you also have friends you are trying to protect… it is not like the movies where you can ping the guy in the chest and he falls down and you are safe – if you manage to get a bullet in him at all, which you probably won’t.
            pepper spray is a better option because you can press a button and it will spray everywhere, much better chance of getting in an attacker’s eyes and throat, disabling them enough so that you can take a picture so you have a record of your attacker and then to run away to a safe distance.

          • Margo says:

            You can’t guarantee safety, and trying will turn you into an agoraphobic shut-in with a gun collection and a bunker in your basement. Don’t indulge fear, it just feeds on itself. That said, some sort of martial arts classes might make you feel safer and stronger, especially in situations where you’re harassed on the street.

    • Lotcal says:

      Farmers, hunters, people who live in the bush etc. They have guns for a legitimate purpose. In Australia you need a gun licence and it is hard get one. You can be required to turn them in as part of bail conditions if you arrested. Also, the police regularly come to your home and check how they are stored and there are strict requirements about that (ie. So some five year old can’t blow off the head of their two year old sibling cos their parents left a gun on the couch).

      • Gaybeard says:

        We have almost identical restrictions in Canada as well as separate licenses for non-restricted guns (long guns: hunting rifles et. al.) and restricted guns (handguns and some semi-automatic versions of military grade rifles). It’s easier to get a non-restricted permit than a restricted permit, and next to impossible to get a prohibited permit. It is also illegal for anyone to own an automatic weapon and police almost never carry automatic weapons.

      • Jen says:

        This is exactly what I would prefer in the US, as well as a training course requirement for getting a license (not sure if that’s a thing in Australia) and licenses that expire every 5 (?) years requiring the owner to retake the course.

  4. archibald says:

    I don’t think anyone is actually suggesting Mateen “represents all gun owners,” whereas a lot of people — A LOT of people, and in very high places — firmly believe and argue that he represents all Muslims. Treating those as equivalent is itself a false equivalency.

          • archibald says:

            That’s nice.

            Alexander: You missed the point. I wasn’t comparing guns to religion. I was comparing two distinct lines of reasoning (“Omar Mateen represents all gun owners” and “Omar Mateen represents all Muslims”). One of these is a straw man, as CT said, but the other is not.

            Look, I know that some people in Coke’s pied piper rat herd like to congratulate themselves for being irreligious and don’t seem to think Islamophobia is a thing, but the reality is that there is a highly organized, well-funded, and at this point increasingly effective political movement built around asserting — explicitly — that all Muslims, including peaceful ones, are complicit in global jihad (violent or, as they call it, “stealth”). Whereas no one on the left bases gun control arguments on the reasoning that someone like Mateen “represents all gun owners.”

            Your punchline was great, though.

          • VeryOff says:

            I think you’re the one who missed the point.

            Organized religion is far more dangerous than any gun. It undermines every crevice of reasoning by replacing it with doubt or false hope. It has been used as an excuse to exclude, torture and kill. It’s been used as an excuse not to stop killers. It’s protected pedophiles. It’s perverted governments. The only discipline it teaches is self deception. The traditional religions haven’t updated their fucking textbooks in I don’t care how long.

            The worst weapon in the world is one that cripples the mind with a single shot of hope that a life has a purpose, plan, and meaning of which something else is in control.

            FUCK ALL ORGANIZED RELIGION.

            -one of the rats in the herd

            p.s. eat a bag of jesus dicks; but you’re right about the well funded political movement and there’s no reason it’s not dovetailing nicely with religious overtones, fear, uncertainty, and doubt.

          • Archibald says:

            What is happening? Are we having the same conversation? I never compared guns and religion… Also, what makes you think I’m defending organized religion? Do you think I myself am religious? Why? Of fucking course organized religion is evil and stupid. These aren’t sophisticated opinions for you to feel proud of. In the meantime, your smug sense of enlightenment is effectively allying you with one camp of religious people you consider beneath you (the evangelical and Zionist right wing) in its campaign to marginalize and persecute another (Muslims).

            Anyway, this is how this whole exchange made me feel, so peace out:

            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PFr-kNbXHew

          • VeryOff says:

            Well. You attacked people who consider themselves “irreligious” by calling them/me “rats.” You also pretended to miss the point of someone who replied to you whose view was not in opposition. Alexander didn’t miss the point, he made a joke about the equation.

            I am not their ally. sorry, but the enemy of my enemy is not my friend.

            Don’t even pretend you weren’t being antagonistic when you “hoped he was still high off that self satisfaction.” It was your own shim to show us how self righteous you are in not being self righteous in the same way.

            Feel free to loop that YouTube video and meditate on it cuz I’m not clicking.

          • archibald says:

            Olive branch:

            I’m sorry for the rat comment. It was a couple shades too far. My intention was to mock uncritical adherence, not to dehumanize. Still, that was lame.

            I never attacked irreligious people; I attacked people who congratulate themselves for being irreligious. It’s an easy and arrogant intellectual habit, and the reason it bothers me (including in Coke’s case) is that it has the potential to shut off certain avenues of compassion.

            Anyway, I’m sorry I made this more adversarial than it needed to be — it was a rough week. Trump is building his campaign on xenophobia that is, in large measure, anti-Muslim; this does real damage to real people. And I worry sometimes that liberals will be too content in our own secular self-satisfaction to see the enemy for what it is.

            Oh and the video is just a supercut of every time Bob Belcher says “Oh my god” in Bob’s Burgers. I wouldn’t do you like that.

          • VeryOff says:

            Admission of self congratulation about being irreligious.
            Branch accepted.

            Even though I grew up in a relatively non-church going household, there are enough events in my history of significant import that I will throw down any time someone gets too protective of their beliefs. If you can’t adapt to new information, then your religion isn’t even teaching you how to live in your own context.

            None of us have all the answers and so it isn’t so much being religious as being self righteous. Smack talk will set me off every time because I’m like Hillary in not knowing how to handle my social media. And even though I know intellectually that confrontation, more often than not, leads to belief stratification…I can’t help it.

  5. dk says:

    To the young woman wanting to meet guys to get laid, I found OKCupid very helpful several years ago. Yes, there are weirdos and horrid people. There are also lots of nice, similar minded people. You practice having boundaries by instantly deleting the weirdos. Don’t give them your energy at ALL. Focus on what you are looking for. I would not put looking for sex into the profile necessarily because it will just make it harder. However, answer as MANY of the optional profile questions as you can. They are great for figuring out compatibility. If someone doesn’t have much of a profile or answer the questions, move on. I found lots of fun sex there after my divorce, and also found my current boyfriend of 4 years. We had both answered about 1000 of the questions. We had a high match rating and used the questions with different answers for conversation starters.

    • Nerdlinger says:

      Alternately, only answer questions which are obvious dealbreakers. 1000+ questions can discourage the right person because you accumulate a high percentage of Enemy based on whether or not a zombie apocalypse would be cool. Especially if you’re going for casual, save yourself the effort.

      Put a bit of effort in your pics and your profile. Not too long, not too short, focus on conversation starters (few people dive into the question in detail other than to look for obvious dealbreakers). Look at what other dudettes in your area have on their profile to avoid the worst clichés (FFS, don’t use that well-behaved women line). Since you’re looking to have sex, be clear in your Message Me If with what you desire out of it, and how quickly you want to meet up, which might save you a nice convo which pans out without needing to. Find a balance between privacy and not only having angleshot selfies (you’re looking to hook, after all).

      Consider utilizing the word filter for the most annoying spam. Most of all, actively message people you like yourself instead of playing the waiting game. It’s , come on!

      Also, consider diving into Arden Leigh, it’s a dating advice lady who mixes feminism, PUA salvage, deepthink and BDSM experiences into a pretty swell blog (which sadly lacks tags): http://ardenleigh.typepad.com/#sthash.E57uKCoO.ZWsLoNGO.dpbs

  6. Jessica Sen says:

    Only hand guns are allowed for personal protection and rifles for hunting. No assault or machine guns.

    All guns must be registered to the person owning and carrying it.

    All gun licensees must be responsible for their own gun and liable as aiding and abetting a crime if their gun is stolen and used criminally.

    All gun carriers must be trained in firing their weapon and storing it safely.

    • Jen says:

      I once dated a guy who kept his handgun (he had other guns as well) perched on the side of his bed on the bed frame. I told him how uncomfortable it made me, and he called me ridiculous but would put it in his nightstand drawer when I stayed over. Later, I found out that none of his guns are registered (second-hand purchases). Intentionally. Because he didn’t want to be “on a list”. I got so upset with him when I was arguing against this that I started crying. It was really embarrassing.

      My father had a collection of 20+ guns, all bought second-hand and unregistered, that got stolen one time when we were robbed. Couple weeks later two kids got shot and killed during a robbery in our neighborhood by unregistered guns.

      I’m all for responsible gun ownership. But that shit isn’t responsible.

    • Alexander says:

      Well dating app… Grindr is a hookup app. But yeah, Bumble forces women to talk to men first, kind of reversing the role. If the woman doesn’t talk to the guy, they get unmatched. All my best friends are straight guys (I’m a gay dude) and I’ve seen them use it. It’s especially good for guys who cannot, for the life of them, approach a woman. It’s like Tinder with training wheels.

      • Brynn says:

        It’s also great for women who are sick of inboxes full of creepy PMs. I’d think of it less as forcing women to message first, and more like refusing men the freedom to contact you unsolicited.

        • Alexander says:

          That’s another way to see it, I hadn’t thought of it that way, but yeah, you’re right. My experience so far, with my straights, is that they have a hard time talking to girls in general, so it makes it easier for them if the girl does the first move. But yeah, I can see how it’s beneficial as well. I get hit on by a bunch of creeps, it’s funny how uninhibited men are (gay or straight), sometimes I don’t even get a “hello”, just a dick pic. Like…. dude…. really? why?

  7. Jess says:

    Coke, would you expand your brand and create an App already? One where you could select your favourite Coke answers + end up in a conversation with people who favourited the same ones? That’s inclusive of your books and whatever other random shit you decide to incorporate! I wanna Coke app & I want it now.

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