Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

Why are guys such lying assholes?
Because you allow it.

How do I recover from being in a relationship with a narcissist and living through the narcissistic cycle of abuse? I feel like I can’t trust anything anymore.
Don’t take over your ex’s gaslighting duties now that he’s gone.

I would consider myself a fairly shameless person, which I think is a good thing. One problem – I was raped about a year and a half ago, and this is one thing that I feel ashamed of. Rationally, I know it wasn’t my fault and I shouldn’t blame myself for it, but I still feel like this. How do I stop feeling ashamed?
Your feelings of shame don’t have anything to do with fault or blame. You feel diminished, sullied, less than you were before. You believe (or have been made to believe) that you are now of lesser value because you were raped. Of course, that belief is false as fuck, but until that false belief is addressed and exploded, you will continue feeling ashamed.

Coke my dude, my babe, my guru, it all hurts and if there’s a reason to keep breathing I can’t imagine what it is.
The leaves are about to start changing color.

I’m attracted to my ex’s son. It’s that age. I’m 25, my ex is 45, his son is 19. Fuck, he likes me too. What the fuck do I do?
Decide whether you’re the kind of person who’d rather deal with future regret or future remorse and act accordingly.

Can you recommend any good wonkish podcasts?
Pod Save America, Hysteria, Lovett or Leave It, The Weeds, and The Ezra Klein Show.

Can be good without right? Can be right without Truth? Can be good without Truth?
Yes, yes, and yes.

Is Jordan Peterson attractive in your view?
You’re joking, right? Dear god, no. He’s a repulsive ghoul.

Have you ever met someone who talked about Dear Coquette with you, but they had no idea they are actually talking to the person who started it all?
Yep. It’s happened a couple of times.

What is your main source of joy right now?
My work.

Would you describe yourself as a postmodernist?
I’m more of a metamodernist.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely is:
~Trump to be reelected in 2020
~Trump to be impeached before then
~Trump to start a trade war
~Russia to invade Northern Canada and would that start a WW3
~Is that even on Russia’s radar or is that some messed up paranoia
Trump reelection: 2 in 10 chance.
Trump impeachment: 5 in 10 chance.
Trump trade war: 10 in 10 chance.
Russia invades Canada: 0 in 10 chance. (Yes, that’s paranoia.)


21 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. Linda says:

    “The leaves are about to start changing color.”

    I love that answer so, so much it made me stop and stare out the window for a few minutes with a smile on my face and a warm feeling in my belly.

  2. Emilio Lizardo says:

    Can be good without Justice or Justice without good? And Justice without Truth or Truth without Justice? Please argument.

  3. Rachel says:

    I had a feeling that you were a Friend of the Pod. Lovett or Leave It is my favorite. My 14 year old dog died two weeks ago and I have had almost no appetite for political input. And my podcast schedule was jam packed. Lately my podcast diet has been slim, but Lovett or Leave It, I can handle. Other than that, 90’s alternative and The Office.

    • Chris says:

      Hey JBP: Here’s one post from last year ( ) and there’s some good discussion in the thread. Just use Ctl F of the word Peterson to find to info.

      One thing I found interesting is that someone said to me in the discussion that his talks are run by neo nazis. I asked for info on that (Peterson was new to me at the time), but there’s no response, which is par for the course – like in a post where someone told me to “read a fucking history book,” so I asked for a recommendation and there wasn’t one.

      Another post –

      In this one, Coke snipes to Asker for a laugh, but in the comments there are some decent discussions, particularly a comment by THE EIGHT SQUARE.

      • flblbl says:

        Chris, nobody owes you an education in an anonymous comments section. Especially if a quick google-wikipedia-online pdfs journey on your side is all it takes, and if you don’t even have the balls to @ the people who left you comments you are still salty about enough to cite even though they’ve disappeared since. Drop the debate club rhetorics and grow up.

          • Kilamanjaro says:

            I suppose where @FLBLBL won’t come through, I’ll try.

            Go get a book called “White Trash.” It is about the landless poor throughout the history of the US. From there, I would say to move to 1st hand accounts of women during slavery. “Diary in the Life of the Slave Girl” is a good one, and so is the work of “Sojourner Truth.”

            These books are pre-Peterson primers to get you in the mindset of being ready to read about more modern issues when it comes to oppression of the lower classes.

            I’d honestly be surprised if you haven’t read any history books, unless you’re not a reader, but if that’s the case, you might be a couple years out from fully understanding where someone with a background in the subject is coming from.

          • Chris says:

            I did read the first one (the stuff about the clay eaters was very interesting), and will go to the library for the others.


    • bigbollox says:

      JP is the man but I’m not surprised Coke dislikes him, for all her sound advice her arguments and opinions are very emotion-based whereas he is the opposite

      • Nina says:

        Because hanging out with white supremacists and pushing for enforced monogamy are very logical and not based on his own emotions and insecurities at all lolololololololololololololololololol

        • Chris says:

          Please explain “forced monogamy.” I’ve heard the term in Soc Sci courses I took in college, but how are you meaning it?

          • bigbollox says:

            Apparently Nina believes he meant actual, government-enforced monogamy. Monogamous relationship or death/jail. The same sort of authoritarianism he has been preaching the dangers of for years.

            I’m happy to hear criticism of Peterson’s ideas but to attack him over the (socially) enforced monogamy line and claim he is a white supremacist is disingenuous and shows you aren’t interested in a real discussion.

          • Chris says:

            I know the term the way you mean it – the actual sociological term – where society deems marriage to be important so people are “forced” into it.

            “You’re shacking up? Well, you’re adults, I guess. Oh, you are getting married? Here’s $500 while I wear clothes I don’t like, eat food that’s mediocre, and do the chicken dance. When it’s over, I’ll always remember what a nice time I had, and how nice everything was.”

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