Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

Met a super hot older man a while back. He was passing through my city, we’ve stayed in touch since then. He’s married and has at least two lovers, one in his home city and one in my city (whom he was visiting). He writes me poetry and recently told me that he thinks he loves me. I’m being played, right?
Like a cheap violin. Unless the wife knows about you and the poetry, don’t entertain this douchebag. (And to be clear, he doesn’t love you. He doesn’t even love the idea of you. He loves himself, and he merely enjoys the way you make him feel.)

If I’m not physically attracted to him, that means I need to break up with him. Right?
That’s not what it means, but that’s what you’ll end up doing.

I feel super unhealthy around my family and always leave thinking I am a fuck up, both physically and mentally. But gosh am I healthy.
You’ve got a family of origin (mom, dad, etc.) and a family of choice (friends, mentors, etc.), each with its own system that governs your roles, your values, and your patterns of behavior. You feel unhealthy around your family of origin because the system itself is unhealthy, and you are its symptom bearer. Once you’re back amongst your family of choice, you feel healthy again because that system is (relatively) healthy. I don’t know why you’ve taken on the role of “fuck up” with your family of origin, but it definitely serves some sort of purpose, not necessarily to your benefit.

Why does he want to reconnect on social media after 10 years of not being connected?
I don’t know. Maybe ask him? Use your words.

I’m on my way to getting a picture book published, and all I can think about is that I’m going to fail to meet my deadline, that it probably won’t sell anyway, and that I just used my connection with the publishing house instead of working hard like a real artist. I’m doing my best to blow up all these self-sabotaging thoughts, but if you have any additional advice I’d really appreciate it.
Shut-up and get it done. Pour every ounce of your soul into the art. Do not give one solitary fuck if it sells.

How long do you give it before the college industry bubble bursts?
It already burst, but not like you think. Academia is capitalism-adjacent and not subject to the same market forces as, say, the mortgage industry. Nevertheless, there was a massive cultural shift over this past decade in the perceived value of higher education. The shift is what matters. It was a cultural bubble that burst, not an economic bubble. Now, if you’re asking how long before tuition drops, that depends entirely on who wins the 2020 election.

Finally admitted to myself that I’m in an emotional affair. Now what?
Now admit to yourself why you need it. The affair itself is just a symptom of a much larger problem. What is that problem? Once you figure it out, maybe try and solve it with some integrity.

What do you think about Jesus H. Christ and his teachings?

Just letting you know I had the best sex of my life last night.
Why wasn’t I invited?

Do you actually speak Latin?
I read Latin. Don’t really have anyone to speak it to.

Are you still friends with that guy you were madly in love with that suddenly moved on with that woman he just automatically hit it off with?
Yep. That seems like a long time ago. We’re all good friends now. They’re getting married.


17 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. TeamSalamander says:

    You make life better sometimes aka thank you.

    On Monday I was sad because something ate one of the butterfly coccoons hanging from the front of my house but this morning when I stepped out I saw a butterfly hanging from the sage plant next to its empty shell, letting its wings unfurl and dry out.

  2. Chris says:

    “…….I just used my connection with the publishing house instead of working hard like a real artist…….”

    What the hell else were you supposed to do with the connection? It’s cultivated to be used for your benefit.

    Will the book sell? Almost guaranteed not to unless you have connections in the major media and podcast outlets, but forget all that. This is your dream. You have an opportunity you previously wished you could have, and now it’s here.

    Now own up to the decision to exercise the connection and proceed with your very best work.

  3. Chris says:

    Regarding college, Hofstra Univesrity (a crappy $45k/year private school) has had to face the fact that students aren’t going to get an accounting degree there for $200,000 when they can go to a SUNY or CUNY school for $40,000.

    And as a parent who moved with the shift, I’d never send one of my kids to Hofstra, or a school like it, when there’s a very good community college nearby.

    • KittyNinja says:

      People often say they never heard of my school before I follow with my lack of debt. I get why people are proud of where they go to school, but it’s yawn worthy when they respond with “never heard of it” instead of “tell me more about it.”

      Decency 101 through 401 is so rarely taught on college campuses these days.

  4. Lit says:

    I was good at Latin, but I only took a year in middle school (I had a horrible teacher who was actually quite funny – she taunted every class she had that this was her last year before retirement only to show up again the next year). Needless to say I’ve forgotten everything, although I think it helps when trying to read Portugese and Italian. How can you possibly still read in Latin now even if you took courses in college ? I’m imagining you don’t go to old school Catholic mass in Latin either.

      • Lit says:

        I swear I didn’t immediately go to Google Translate Latin to English, but instead examined my old schoolbooks and credible online sources.
        I have so many questions, but now I’d prefer to just thank you for being you.

        • Gaybeard says:

          The answer to the question is:

          She wanted to be able to argue with God in an empty church and then put a cigarette out on his floor after a drunk driver killed her sweet, elderly secretary.

      • garden variety sleuth says:

        Did you learn it in tandem with your literature degree? The only other person on earth I know who reads Latin more or less fluently has a similar degree. (Just a bachelors, but still.)

  5. Projecting says:

    Re: still friends with the guy you were madly in love with, how do you silence your ego in such a situation and stop yourself from feeling like you somehow were not good enough (yes, I am projecting)?

  6. Chris says:

    I wrote the picture book question a while back. I appreciated the succinct advice then, and I appreciate it now. Thanks, Coke. (It comes out next spring!)

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