What do I say to a friend who claims she wants to have children because there are no other major milestones for women to reach in adulthood and doesn’t know what else she’s supposed to do with her life?
Tell her that boredom and lack of imagination are not the appropriate prerequisites to motherhood. Tell her that the burden of childrearing is not the same thing as having purpose in life. Tell her that the planet is full, and unless she has a burning desire to devote every last dollar and every waking moment of the next two decades to being the very best parent she knows how to be, then she should shut the fuck up and go find a hobby.
Can you give me a rundown similar to “On Changing Your Hair” about getting a nose job at 37? I mean, it’s not crucial, but it could get me from charming-at-best to pretty, and I could use a boost in both career and self-confidence. I’m in Europe, single and financially secure.
Go for it. Hell, if you’re gonna freshen up your nose, might as well do the rest of your head. Not a full facelift (save that mess for your 50s), but maybe add eyes, brow, and chin to the order. You know, get some lasers involved. You’re already gonna have to recuperate with bandages, so fuck it, make that shit count.
One of my friends shared a meme about Wayfair selling children on their website by hiding them in expensive cabinets. I read all the “evidence”, and my conclusion is that we might have to stop being friends. I know he shares/posts shit without looking into it, but this is too stupid.
This is an ideal moment to delete superfluous idiots from your life.
Best alternative to curb the impulse to check an ex’s social media?
Surf the dating apps.
What do you do when a friendship ends for no apparent reason?
Grieve the loss, learn from the experience, and move on.
You strike me as someone who thought CHAZ would be a good idea. Lol.
You strike me as a small, shallow person.
Ok so you obvi censor and or pick our certain questions. Damn. Didn’t think you’d be that raging bitch.
I don’t censor questions. I cut and paste them exactly as they’re written, including all your typos and shitty grammar. Also, ignoring you isn’t censorship. You aren’t entitled to my time and attention.
How do you decide if you want to continue answering questions here?
I don’t know how I decide, but I can tell you it’s a mood-based decision.
I’m so glad you posted again. I almost cried.
Love you, boo.
7 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice”
Thank you for posting. It’s keeping me going right now.
Man, CQ hasn’t lost it one bit.
Thank you for answering my question (I’m the person with the friend who wants children). I have been a reader of yours since I was a teenager, and seeing that you responded to me still gave me that little hum of excitement even after all these years.
“Tell her that the burden of childrearing is not the same thing as having purpose in life.”
Could you expand on this? Does it still apply to people who feel that their purpose is to be a parent?
If you feel your purpose in life is to be a parent, then by all means, take on the burden of childrearing. That’s the proper order of operations.
If you lack purpose, do not seek it in parenthood. It’s an incredibly selfish and shortsighted gamble, because if you don’t discover purpose in being a parent (and many don’t), you’re not just fucking up your own life. You’re fucking up your child’s life and the lives of anyone else who has to devote time and energy to cleaning up the mess you’ll make.
Update on the friend who shared the Wayfair conspiracy: he has been brought back to reality and is very embarrassed about the whole thing.
“……unless she has a burning desire to devote every last dollar and every waking moment of the next two decades to being the very best parent she knows how to be……”
The very definition of someone actively, consciously trying to be a good parent.
So glad to see you writing here again! I’ve been reading you for years and have never thought you censored the questions!