Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

So is Beyonce black or white?
Beyonce is gold.

How important is money?
Wealth is important. Money is just paper.

What do you think of Sheryl Sandberg and her ‘Lean In’ book?
I think it’s the literary equivalent of vanilla scented hand sanitizer, but hey, kudos to Sheryl for squeezing $24.95 out of everyone who owns a pant suit.

Do you believe if you work hard enough, you’ll get where you need to be?
Of course not. Work hard, sure, but there are no guarantees in this life. Wherever you end up, it’s definitely not going to be what you expect.

Why can’t my mom just be happy for me?
Because there’s nothing in it for her.

How long is too long to hold a grudge before it starts to become pathetic?
Eleven minutes.

What do you do if you have no inner strength?
Find external sources of strength and exploit them.

Why do I always fall for guys that I barely know?
Because they’re a blank slate onto which you can project your fantasies.

I just want to date myself. Or at least someone very similar to me. I know it’s narcissistic, but is it wrong?
You only think you want to date yourself because you’re blind to the fact that you’re insufferable. (I promise, you wouldn’t put up with your own bullshit.) What you really want is to date someone who allows you to be yourself, despite the fact that you’re an asshole. Good luck.

how do i know if my poetry is any good? will you read it?
Nobody wants to read your shitty poetry.

You are one of the nastiest and most judgemental people I have ever come across on the web.
You live a small and sheltered life.


2 thoughts on “On fun-sized advice

  1. Chris says:

    “Nobody wants to read your shitty poetry.”

    100% true. Poetry is like wine and classical music. Most of it sucks. Even if it is good, that has nothing to do with anyone buying it – that’s what marketing is for, which poets are even worse at.

  2. Chris says:

    Q: Why can’t my mom just be happy for me?
    A: Because there’s nothing in it for her.

    And this is why I hit the random button every now and then.

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