Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

Dear Coquette,

Is there a difference between an existential crisis and a mental breakdown?
One is chronic. The other is acute.

Do you believe morality is universal or relative?

Everything is relative.

Should one’s morality be stretched intentionally once in a while?

Don’t confuse your comfort zone for your morality.

What’s the difference between settling and settling down?


What’s the difference between curvy and fat?


Why is everyone so obsessed with the ’90s?

It’s something that happens with every decade. Sentimental twits reach their early twenties, and when they suddenly realize they’re adults, they start getting nostalgic about their childhood to the point that it influences pop culture.

Which is more important when it comes to college, following your dreams or saving money?

Is it your dreams that are expensive, or is it just the college?

Today I crushed a spider and then felt guilt for mangling him when I saw his broken body. What’s wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong with you. You have a conscience. That’s a good thing.

I feel like I’ll be happy when I’m dead.

You won’t.

You seem to think that most people are not special. Do you think you’re special?


Do you think culture creates television, or television creates culture?

Both. It’s a constant feedback loop.

I’m a 19-year-old girl currently working at a retail store and I’ve met a boy I’d like to hang out with and possibly hook up with. How do I communicate this on the job without being unprofessional?

Trying to hook up at work is inherently unprofessional, but since you’re a teenager working in retail, my best advice for you is to simply not get caught.

My friend’s boyfriend made a pass at me the other night. I told him I wasn’t interested. Why do I still feel guilty?

You feel guilty because you have secret knowledge about your friend’s boyfriend. It’s not cheating, but it’s a betrayal of the friendship nonetheless.

I’m happy with my life and with myself, but there are people who get me down. They tell me that I’m “not doing something for social change,” that my open enjoyment of sex is a sign of low self-esteem and being dependent on men, and that I’m not doing something with my life. What do I do?

If you’re genuinely happy, then cut those people out of your life. If you can’t get rid of them altogether, then tell them to take their social and sexual politics, and stick ’em where the sun don’t shine.


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