Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

Dear Coquette,

I’m a 28-year-old woman. Are my late twenties supposed to be this crappy?
There is no such thing as “supposed to be.”

Do you try to evolve? Or do you try to know what you are?

Those two things are not the least bit mutually exclusive.

One month into dating this guy, and this weekend he has posted a bunch of pics of himself in Vegas with lots of bikini-clad chicks draped over him. Red flag?

Depends. Was he making a duck face?

How do I release anger whose origin I can’t pinpoint and has caused significant tension in all of my serious relationships?

Identify the origin of your anger. That’s pretty much the whole point of therapy, so maybe you should try that for a while.

What’s the best thing to say when a guy foolishly says that he loves you when he hasn’t even known you for a freakin’ month?

Explain to him the difference between love and limerence. Get technical, and if he won’t acknowledge it, get rid of him.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years and have never lived together due to his inability to find a full-time job. Are we screwed once he does? Will he ever?

Stop kidding yourself. Your boyfriend is a loser, and you aren’t living together because he doesn’t want to live with you.

I hate my current boyfriend almost 95% of the time but I can’t bear to break up with him. What’s wrong with me?

Well, odds are you’re a codependent drama queen with garden-variety daddy issues. Act accordingly.

What do you tell a guy who says atheists aren’t protected under freedom of religion because atheism isn’t a faith?

Tell the guy that freedom from religion is just as important as freedom of religion. Be sure and speak slowly, because he’s an idiot.

If so many people are lonely, why can’t they just… get together?

If so many people are poor, why can’t they just… get money?

Why can’t I quit masturbating?

You don’t have to quit, and you don’t have to listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.

I just cut my hair and I think it’s too short. What should I do?

Shave off the rest of it and go volunteer at a soup kitchen.

When do I give up on an unrequited love?

As soon as possible.

Where is the line drawn between optimism and denial?



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