Fun-Sized Advice

On fun-sized advice

I just turned 22 and I hate feeling so old.
You don’t feel old. You just resent having to act like an adult. Toughen up, buttercup. It gets a helluva lot worse.

My life is totally sexless and without love. I want to be skinnier or prettier. That would solve all my problems, right? What will make me happy?
You are the perfect product of consumer culture.

What do you recommend for a first vibrator?
Extra batteries.

How do I stop feeling guilty about casual sex?
Stop believing casual sex is wrong.

Is it too late to start living my life the way I want?
Nope. Then again, you might die today, so maybe.

He is perfect for me and treats me amazingly well, but he is also a workaholic. How do I get more time with him?
You don’t. Learn to deal with it, or move on.

What’s your go-to taco filling?
Fuckin’ taco meat.

You seem to alternate between encouraging people to embrace their own mediocrity and using mediocrity as a dirty word. Which is it?

If you stripped away the drugs, would you still be an insipid schizotypal?
If you weren’t a freshman psych major, would you still have me confused with a manic pixie dream girl?

You seem to have a superiority complex.
That’s because my defense mechanisms are better than yours.

What are your thoughts on how human attraction works?
I don’t think it does.


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