Fun-Sized Advice

On fun sized advice.

What’s the best way to end things with a fuck buddy?
One last fuck.

How am I supposed to swallow it if it tastes like spoiled milk mixed with rusty nails?
Quickly. (In the future, tell him less red meat and more pineapple juice.)

Is fisting creepy and unnatural, or just taboo experimentation?
Fisting is when you use your fist. Quit assigning value judgments to consensual sex acts.

Why do I want my boyfriend to stop loving me as much as he does?
Because romantic obligation makes you uncomfortable.

Have you ever considered answering questions on Quora?
Quora doesn’t allow people with pseudonyms. Fuck ‘em. Their loss.

Please get us more bling coke talk! We want new stuff in the Boutique!!
New stuff is up, and more is coming.

I wish you’d lifecoach me for $300 an hour.
Um, okay.

I just graduated from college. Now what?
Start killing your dreams.

Is it time to give up?

Christopher Hitchens was a fucking bigot. Shame on you for supporting such a person.
Bigotry implies ignorance and prejudice. You obviously don’t understand the meaning of such words.


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