Fun-Sized Advice

On fun sized advice

Dear Coquette,

Why when I think I like a guy do I always over analyze everything and then end up convincing myself that I don’t like him?
Because you don’t know yourself.


Does kissing have a more romantic connotation than sex?
Kissing costs extra for a reason, darling.


How do I get rid of all this angst?

Homemade soup.


Do you think a pro-choicer and a pro-lifer could ever date?

Sure. They’d better use condoms, though.


I’m scared that no one will come to my funeral.

That means you’re either lonely or an asshole. It’ll be too late to do anything at your funeral, so I suggest you start dealing with your problems now.


What’s your take on Unitarian Universalism? They don’t have a creed or care if you believe in God or anything.

Unitarian Universalism is the non-alcoholic beer of religions. Sure, they’ve taken out all the stuff that’ll get you stupid, but at that point, why even bother swallowing it?


Do you believe that one must conform to societal norms in order to survive?

If all you’re aiming for is survival, it’s best that you just conform to societal norms, but if you’re aiming for success, you’ll have to learn how to maneuver around them. 


He’s 19, I’m 31. Thoughts?

You’re both consenting adults. Barely. Do what makes you happy.


What’s the deal with furries?

I’m pretty sure it boils down to ugly people finding creative ways to paper-bag themselves, but hey, no judgment. Let your freak flag fly.


Do you think Sarah Palin is truly an idiot (which isn’t hard to believe), or that she’s secretly an evil genius? It’s three in the morning, and it’s really scaring me.

She’s not an idiot, nor is she a secret evil genius. Sarah Palin is mundane and middling, a paragon of American unexceptionalism. It’s her mediocrity that should terrify you.


What’s the point in being hard to get? I don’t understand why it’s better than being easy. Why are harder to get people more deserving of respect?

The point isn’t to be hard to get. The point is to have high standards. You don’t understand because you don’t know the difference.

Standard

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