Fun-Sized Advice

On fun sized advice

Dear Coquette,

Does my wife have to reach orgasm every time we have sex?
Nope, and guess what? Neither do you.


Is it OK to flirt when you’re married?

It’s fine with me, but you might wanna ask your wife.


What do you think is the most important lesson in life?

The next one.


I was talking with my friend about the death penalty the other day, and I found myself wondering what you might think about it.

I think citizens who grant the state a right to kill them are idiots.


I want money to do anything I want with, but I absolutely HATE working. I need a way to get money by doing literally nothing.

Have you thought of a career on Wall Street?


How do you feel about Donald Trump as a presidential candidate?

As far as elaborate pranks go, I think it’s Andy Kaufman-level genius.


Why did they give Selina a postage stamp when there are so many more deserving people out there that should be on a postage stamp?

Probably because she’s a Latin music legend, but you never know, maybe they just did it to piss off bigoted old stamp collectors who don’t know how to spell Selena.


I want to start a religion. Where do I begin?

First, get some charisma and a set of brass balls. Organize a nice little cult. Get tax-exempt status. Expand. Go international, get a few celebrity disciples, and then retire to a remote island somewhere in the South Pacific.


My English teacher says that humans are worse than dogs. Your thoughts?

Tell your English teacher that misanthropy is just misdirected self-loathing.

No one wants to be my boyfriend. Why?
You’re probably not very attractive.


Is it rude to take birth control in public?

Assuming you mean pills, no.


My artist boyfriend cried during sex. What does that even mean?

I don’t know what it means, but that sentence is a perfect storm of douchebaggery.


What are your thoughts on Judgment Day?

I think it’s one of those rare instances where the sequel is better than the original movie.


He did some really messed up stuff that really hurt me. How do I let go of all the resentment I have towards him?

Forgive him.


Any advice to force me into being comfortable with my mortality?

Chill out, dude. You’re not dead yet.


My husband and I have a terrible sex life. I don’t think we turn each other on anymore. What should we do?

Lose some weight and get freaky together. Open up your marriage. Get divorced if you have to. Do whatever you both want to do, just don’t ignore the problem.


How do I begin to practice self-reflection and understanding myself? I have no religion and little experience with spirituality. Where do I start?

It’s called philosophy. Take a class.

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