Fun-Sized Advice

On fun sized advice

I’ve been dating a girl for 2 months and she wont put out. Help.
Help what? She doesn’t have to put out. You don’t have to date her.

Any advice for a good girl who wants to become a bad girl?
Uh, yeah. It’s pretty much all I do here. Start reading.

My first love is married. My first boyfriend is getting married this weekend. I’m 22. What the fuck.
Yeah, no shit. Call me when the girls from your experimental lesbian phase start having babies.

What if you’re wrong, dude?
I’m wrong all the time, dude.

Do you wear your own brand and then pimp it to people, describing it as if you’re just a fan?
Do you suck your own dick and then tell girls how big it is?

Best hangover cure, coketalk style?
Brunch and a bloody mary.

What decent outcome can a Sociology degree have?
A law school application.

If you’re with someone you don’t know too well do you use condoms for blowjobs?
What am I, a Vegas hooker? Fuck no.

When and how did you come out of your shell?
When I stopped giving a fuck in the 8th grade.

What’s the difference between objectifying and finding physically attractive?

Objectification degrades your humanity. Physical attraction, when healthy, celebrates it.

Stop teasing us. You know we’re all wondering where you got that fabulous watch!
Where I got it is my little secret, but if you want one, they’re available at the Coquette Boutique.

How do I find happiness in the present moment?
Smile. No, really. Smile.


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