Best-Of Advice

On herbivores

What’s your opinion on vegans/vegetarians?

Veganism is an elitist lifestyle choice available to a tiny percentage of spoiled, sanctimonious citizens living in the world’s wealthiest nations.

I can’t speak for the Dutch, but in my little corner of Hollywood, whenever I encounter a vegan it’s either an unbearably pretentious little bitch who uses the dietary restrictions to mask an eating disorder or it’s a pussy-whipped man-child who’s desperately trying to have sex with a pretentious little bitch who uses the dietary restrictions to mask an eating disorder.

Maybe that says more about Hollywood than veganism. I don’t know, but whatever bioethical high-ground the movement may claim is completely eroded by the way I see it practiced.

As for vegetarians, I kind of just shrug my shoulders. I’ve dated a couple of them. Whatever. They still bought me steak. Really, as long as politics and religion aren’t shaping your diet, you can eat lawn trimmings all day for all I care.

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