On keeping your distance.

You give the best advice I know of, and I’m a little stuck, so let’s give this a try.

I’ve been in a fantastic relationship with an amazing guy – let’s call him Jasper – for a little over a year and a half. When we first started going out, one of his friends (who he had previously made out with but never had an actual romantic relationship with), I’ll call her Grace, was pretty much in love with him. She was pretty disappointed, but never really said much past that she felt a little betrayed. He apologized (even though he’d TOLD her about a week after they made out that it was a mistake and he wanted them to remain friends) and no further discussion took place. About 6 months later, Grace started going out with a guy that she’s been with ever since, so we figured that she was well over him. She and I became friends, and everything seemed normal and relaxed between her and Jasper.

Now it turns out Grace’s had what seems to be massive amounts of pent-up emotions. She made a Myspace bulletin about a month ago that basically consisted of her complaining about how long she’s kept her feelings bottled up and she was going to start basically deleting people from her life. Jasper and I were two of those people. She told him that she still felt betrayed by him and can’t forgive him for what he did, and she told me that she just thought we were incompatible as friends and she had too many problems with my boyfriend to continue being friends with me. He was pretty bummed about it for a while, I passed her off as a somewhat-crazy bitch and we both got over it.

Just the other day, Grace sent a message to Jasper saying that for the past 3 nights, she’s had dreams about him and has woke up crying so hard each time that she’s felt sick. Just out of the fucking blue. She also told him that she STILL can’t get over what he did to her and she hates seeing him with me – she says she doesn’t know if it’s because she’s jealous or because she hates seeing him happy, but it’s one of the two. The conversation continued in that vein until he told her she needs to get her shit straight before she speaks to him again. I went a little nuclear when he told me about all this; a fucking year and a half later and she STILL a) obviously still has feelings for him and b) blames him for “fucking her over”.

Now my problem is: Grace recently moved in with one of my and Jasper’s closest friends, Jason. How are we supposed to deal with this girl when we’re over at Jason’s house (which is not very often)? She has her own room that she can go in, so hopefully she’ll pretend to be a big girl for a while and sit tight in there, but if she talks to me or Jasper I’m not going to hold back. Everything she’s done indicates that she still likes him (which is a betrayal of her OWN boyfriend) and I am by no means willing to act nice with her.

Should I just flat out tell her that I don’t give a shit what she has to say? Or should I just not even bother with wondering what to do?

If this is the whole story, then that bitch is boil-your-bunny crazy.

On the other hand, there could be more here. Have you ever wondered in the dark sticky corners of your mind that your boyfriend might have done something traumatic to her? Is that even remotely possible?

I don’t know. Eighteen months later and she’s got night terrors? It’s a bit fishy.

Regardless of whatever happened in the past, she’s not emotionally healthy. Better to keep your distance whenever possible unless you want to start some shit.


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