On makeovers, music, and magazines

Dear Coquette,

This guy likes me, and I really enjoy spending time with him, but he still dresses like a high school stoner. How do I casually suggest that if we are going to be in a relationship that he needs to start dressing like an adult?

A grown-ass man dresses like a high school stoner because he doesn’t know any better. He simply doesn’t think about it.*

All you have to do is show him what looks good. I promise, when clothes feel right and fit him well, he’ll get it. Plus, if he really likes you, you don’t have to waste your time casually suggesting a change. You can just hit him hard and fast with your standards in one solid weekend of shopping.

Take him to the mall. Show him what you’d prefer he wear. Don’t hold back. When he comes out of the dressing room looking good, flatter the hell out of him. Make sure he winds up with a couple of outfits that you both like.

Don’t expect a complete shift in his appearance overnight, but definitely keep nudging him in the right direction.

Does listening to Odd Future make me a bad feminist? Is it possible to listen to and/or purchase music with misogynistic lyrics without implicitly endorsing the parts of it one finds offensive?

Listening to Odd Future doesn’t mean you’re a bad feminist. It just means you have awful taste in music. That’s okay, though. Listen to what you like, and don’t waste your time being offended by lyrics, especially ones by teenage douchebags.

Being offended gives acts like Odd Future more power than they deserve. Then again, so does purchasing their music, so if possible, don’t pay for it.

The important thing is to keep recognizing misogyny when you see it. If you can spot it, then you can reject it, even if it’s embedded in media you purposefully consume. If enough people learn to recognize and reject misogyny, over time, the culture shifts and progress is made.

I’m about to break up with my boyfriend of about a year and a half. It has been long distance for the last nine months and my feelings have fizzled. He really wants to stay together but it’s not working for me. My question is: What do I do with the New Yorker subscription he gave me for Christmas? Enjoy the last 10 months? Forward it to his address?

Keep the subscription. He doesn’t need a weekly reminder of his ex-girlfriend, and I have a feeling you really get those cartoons.


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