Fun-Sized Advice

On more fun sized advice

Lambskin? What the fuck is wrong with you? Thought you had a moral compass, obviously thought wrong.
Yeah. I hope you never develop a latex allergy, bitch. Oh, and do you know what I had for lunch in your honor? A roast lamb French dip with a little onion marmalade and rosemary au jus. Fucking delicious.

What do you think about the idea that it’s unfair to make rich people pay more taxes?

Wait. When was any of this shit supposed to be fair?

I’m pretty sure you’ll never get married. But do you think you’ll ever settle down with a man?

Just one?

Does it get better?

It just did.

Stubborn girls… how do you get them back?

Quit fucking up. Even then, it’s a long shot.

Please make a facebook page, I hate twitter and I’m on whorebook all the time at work. I’d like to see when this blog updates.

Fuck no. Fuck Facebook. Here’s why.

Why hasn’t the collective herd been sufficiently thinned yet?

Because you haven’t killed yourself yet.

Why the name change for The Daily? What’s wrong with “Dear Coke Talk?”

You know what’s funny about that? It wasn’t the drug reference. It was because of the Coca-Cola Corporation trademark. Fucking ridiculous.

I know you’re completely indifferent; but all your old fans are GONE.

Oh please. All my old fans still follow me, and so do you. Quit acting like you just heard your favorite indie band on the radio, you stupid hipster doofus.

Lately it seem’s like only ‘needy’ guys are into me. Guy’s that don’t drive or have a job. How do I go about finding a man’s man?

Stop looking.

Do you think ‘Essential Faith‘ would layer well with Marc Jacob’s ‘Daisy’?

Essential Faith adds depth to any fragrance that’s layered on top. I’ve yet to find a perfume it doesn’t vibe with.

What gives you the motivation to be so accomplished?

I haven’t accomplished jack shit. Yet.

I get so into what he does that when he begs me to talk dirty I don’t know what to say. I honestly suck at dirty talk. Do you have any advice for me?

Dirty talk consists entirely of describing whatever it is you are doing in the moment. Just narrate the action, but you gotta own that shit. Curl your lip. Say it with brass. Don’t think. Growl.


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