Fun-Sized Advice

On more fun sized advice.

Why the fuck won’t my peanut butter spread?
Because Wonder Bread is a lie.

whats the best way to knock a bitch off her high horse?
Scare the horse.

Bitch, answer ONE of my questions? I read your blog day in and out, you owe me that!

if you knew you were going to die. Would you reveal your identity?
I am going to die, and if you understood the first thing about me, you’d know better than to look for revelation in identity.

TSA is freaking me the fuck out. If they ‘randomly select’ me, a really attractive college girl, how do I play it cool and mentally destroy them for victimizing me?
Mental destruction requires a mind. Don’t waste your time. Also, victimization requires a victim. Fuck that. Make your flight and write your congressman.

How many times a day is too many to masturbate?
As many times as it takes to start getting in the way of more important shit.

Could you see yourself in a romantic relationship with someone who doesn’t drink or do drugs, ever?
Oh yeah, for at least a few hours.

If I was to take dirt from the US, take to another country, and give birth on it…would that qualify as being born on US soil granting one citizenship?
Nope, not unless you could get the governor of a US state to make a declaration temporarily annexing the soil during the birth without causing an international incident. Probably not the easiest way to get the desired result, though.

I just made it through my first pregnancy scare. The test turned out negative, so why am I upset?
Because it crystalizes how you’re all grown up without really being an adult. That shit is upsetting.

I’m a girl. tell me how you would fuck me.
Girl or guy, I just start with your mind and move downward.

Any insight as to why high school absolutely wrecks some people for the rest of their lives?
It’s not high school. It’s adolescence. The transition from childhood to adulthood is a brutal fucking experience. That’s just the nature of the human condition, and some folks just don’t make it.

my best friend thinks i’ve been talking shit, when i love her like a sister, i’m so enraged i just want to give up on this friendship completely
Yeah, that last part about giving up on the friendship? That’s you talking shit, which means she’s right about you, even if she’s wrong. Chill the fuck out, drama queen.

At what age should a man stop looking for the perfect partner and just settle for someone half way attractive with a job that you can stand to share a place with?
A man would know better than to expect perfection in the first place. A man would also understand what it really means to settle. Grow the fuck up.

what about the vegans/vegetarians that are in it for the animals? i don’t think it’s pretentious of me to give a fuck about where my food comes from.
Of course you don’t, and yet you felt the need to defend your lifestyle choice to a random stranger on the internet who couldn’t give less of a fuck what you cram into your pie hole.

If Ayn Rand is a gateway philosophy, where do I go next?
Wherever your questions take you. If you can think to ask it, some brilliant mind of a former age has talked shit about it. Read up. Learn from the greats. Absorb, mix, and match. When it comes to philosophy, don’t be afraid to wear plaids and stripes. One day, you’ll find that you’ve developed your own world view that comes from the inside out.


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