Fun-Sized Advice

On more fun sized advice

How much would I have to pay you to see and know who you are?
Like my mamma always said, if you have to ask the price, you can’t afford it.

Does cocaine feel like love?
No. At best, it feels like sex.

Why is Lindsay being released from jail?
Like most people incarcerated in this country, she doesn’t belong there.

How do you separate sexual desires from real feelings?
Sexual desires are real feelings.

I think the meaning of life is orgasm; what do you think?
I think searching for purpose between your legs leads to shallow philosophy.

You’re an ignorant cunt.

Why the fuck do I feel so lost all the time?
Because you’re uncomfortable with your mortality.

Will I get a boyfriend soon?
What am I, a fucking magic eight ball?

What do you think of paramore?
It’s Hot Topic flavored bubblegum pop, but Haley Williams is talented enough to end up with a decent solo career one day.

I want a blow job from you.
Get in line.

Why do I keep giving people head?
Either because you enjoy it, or they pay you. Otherwise, quit it.

How do you feel about poets?
Refer to yourself as a poet, and I will call you a pretentious fuck right to your face. Show me your poetry instead, and I will feel accordingly.

Is it, “An hour”, or “A hour”?
Since the H is silent I prefer “an hour,” but either way, it’s still five hundred bucks.


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