Fun-Sized Advice

On more fun-sized advice

What is the difference between, “fucking,” “having sex,” and “making love”?
The kind of music playing in the background.

What is the difference between art and pornography?
The kind of music playing in the background.

Favorite and least favorite Real Housewife?
Favorite? NeNe. Love that bitch. Least favorite? Probably Alexis. Of all the gargoyles and garbage monsters, she represents the most evil. Teresa is pretty awful too, but her kids are so adorable that I let shit slide.

Why am I always attracted to my boyfriend’s friends more than other guys?
Proximity and ineligibility. That shit’ll get you high.

Why does Gaga’s new stuff seem so fucking tired?
Just because it’s new music doesn’t mean she’s evolved, and 2008 was a long fucking time ago.

Is it hypocritical of a person who advocates natural beauty to get a nose job?
Sure it is, but natural beauty is an inherently hypocritical concept. (Besides, just because you advocate it doesn’t mean you have any.)

Would you renounce your citizenship to live with your lover in Switzerland?
Hell no. I might get dual citizenship for a husband in Switzerland, but renouncing things for lovers is a stupid way to live your life. (Unless you’re permanently living abroad with a shit-ton of cash and trying not to get fucked by the new tax compliance act, I don’t recommend ever renouncing your US citizenship.)

Bitch, you’re totally a lawyer. It takes a lawyer to know a lawyer.
The lawyers think I’m a lawyer. The shrinks think I’m a shrink. The escorts think I’m an escort. I’m seeing a pattern here.

I’m in a sorority, and because I’m graduating this year I’m leaving the younger members a bound copy of every advice post you’ve done. You fucking rock.
Right on. Send me your contact information, and I’ll write your little freshman bitches an introduction or something.


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