Fun-Sized Advice

On more fun-sized advice.

Dear Coquette,

I just turned 18 and I seem to be uncertain about everything in my life. Is that normal?
Yep. Get used to it. Better yet, get comfortable with it. It’ll make you less susceptible to advertising.

Where is the line between having style and being obsessed with physical appearance?


Outside of getting a therapist and/or a puppy, is there any basic advice you can suggest for a person on their quest to become emotionally healthy?

Don’t waste your life in the company of assholes.

“Friends” or “Seinfeld”? (Please don’t choose secret answer No. 3. There’s a real discussion happening, and you’re about to settle it.)

“Seinfeld.” This is not open for discussion.

How can you have an effective break without actually breaking up?

What’s the difference?

What does it mean to be “sexually unprincipled”?

It means you’ve compromise your integrity with your sexuality. The most common example is cheating on a sexual partner.

How do I deal with a manipulative woman who’s made it clear she wants to sleep with my man and doesn’t care that he’s dating me?

If it’s possible to cut her out of your life, do so. If not, pick up a copy of “The Art of War” and play the bitch better than she’s playing you.

Which is stranger: a woman or a gay man going to a straight friend’s bachelor party?

Who cares? It’s all just a ridiculous, outmoded ritual anyway. Go and have fun. Try not to be a gigantic douchebag, and remember to tip the strippers.

My boyfriend keeps thinking my O-face is a look of pain while we’re having sex. How do I get him to realize he doesn’t have to keep asking if I’m OK?

Just tell him. Use your words, darling.

What do you think of Congress trying to declare pizza sauce a vegetable?

It’s silly, and it’s also fairly solid evidence that the government cares more about corporate profits in the frozen food industry than it does about childhood nutrition for the underprivileged.

Now that it’s been two months… what are your thoughts on Occupy Wall Street?

Not for nothin’, but this may be the first time I’ve ever been proud of my generation.

What’s the right way to live?

There is no such thing, but if you insist on presupposing a universal morality, then the answer is simply this: Be good.


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