On moving on and not needing to.

Dear Coquette,

I’m currently stewing in a pretty classic dilemma and would love your help. I’ve been into this guy for a few months now. He’s everything I want in a dude — intelligent, funny, genuinely kind, a great dresser, and has fantastic taste in music/books/movies. He’s been flirting with me pretty heavily, but then last night (after kissing me on the head and telling me he wishes we were closer) he mentioned that he has a girlfriend.

Obviously I’m disappointed — I’m just trying to figure out the best course of action from here. It’s inevitable that I’ll see him at least 3x a week for the next month or so. Do I try to get over him via ferocious makeout sessions with strangers at parties? How do I move on with dignity mostly intact?

This is neither classic, nor a dilemma. You are not stewing, and there’s nothing you need to move on from. At worst, you are experiencing minor disappointment over what amounts to garden-variety douchebaggery from some dude in one of your classes.

You don’t need to get over this guy. If anything, you need to get over yourself. Feel free to have ferocious makeout sessions with strangers at parties, but not for his sake. Don’t make anything you do be about him. He isn’t even worth the time it’s taking me to answer your self-absorbed little question.

Get a handle on your crush, kiddo. You felt a few warm and fuzzies, but the guy is unavailable and probably not all that trustworthy. Recognize that it’s not a big deal, and quit letting it go to your head.

We broke up, yet we’re still having sex and spending time together, having agreed that dating other people is cool as long as we communicate about anyone new. After talking about this, he said he still has no interest in dating anyone else other than me. My reaction to this is a feeling of guilt and an uncomfortable control over our relationship. I can’t tell whether continuing this is a good idea or not. Any advice?

You never broke up. Not even a little bit. Either end it for real, or acknowledge that you’re still in a romantic relationship, albeit one that’s past its expiration date.

If you don’t know how to break up, the first step is to stop having sex and spending time together. The next step is to stop allowing yourself to be emotionally manipulated by your ex. After that, I highly recommend actually dating other people.

After being with my boyfriend for about a year, I’m about to become single again due to distance, amicable differences, and his college graduation. Any advice on how to adjust to being single again without total emotional destruction?

Total emotional destruction? He’s graduating, not dying. Yeah, it’ll suck on a few lonely nights, but don’t be a drama queen. Have a few good cries, spend lots of time with your friends, and eventually you’ll find that you’ve moved on.


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