New to your column but man I love it. Anyway, here it goes. I was dating a guy for almost two years. It was somewhat long distance (about 45 min each way with no traffic). We were only able to see each other on weekends because both of us worked Monday through Friday. After about a year and a half my sister’s wedding is coming up and I am Maid of Honor, therefore, have many duties to fulfill (specially girl only bridal events) which usually took place on weekends. That made our time together dwindle siginificantly That was getting to me more and more, the time apart, because together we were amazing. And the fact that he still had years of college left and that I was on my last semester was also getting to me and I went into full panic mode thinking nothing will change, that the distance isn’t going to get any better, etc. So I decided to break it off with him. Says I crushed him, even asked me to reconsider. And I did, I thought to myself is it really worth losing him over this because we have an amazing connection. In less than two weeks, I prioritized everything and decided that of course I don’t want to lose him, I’m stupid for panicking and thinking the distance was that big of a problem. I expressed all this to him and my feelings but at that point he had said he can’t just go back, damage had been done and that he’d need time to think but we can still be friends in the meantime. There was no way I could be just his friend after trying for a few weeks, I’d have constant breakdowns after seeing on his profiles that he’s openly dating differently people, etc. I couldn’t take it. So I told him we couldn’t be just friends and he said he still needs to think. Fast forward a few months and I decide enough time has passed….either he wants to try again or not, he said we can try again. But he was distant, even cold at times. He wasn’t “there”. To make matters worse I had to take a business trip for 3 weeks soon after we decided to try again. He told me he missed me one time through all of it. I get back and he basically tells me that it’s not fair to me that he’s not all “there” emotionally, that he can’t get past it yet and that he isn’t sure if he ever will. That he still needs to think about everything. I came to hate that word. After that for just a bit there was the “hi” texts, then soon nothing. He knew I can’t be just his friend knowing he is dating, and I kept my word on that, and I behaved by not going to his profiles because I knew it would just hurt. Fast forward to nearly a year after our breakup and I’m (stupidly) still not over him. All those feelings are still there. So I had decided to handwrite (because I find an email too impersonal and in-person would not have worked out because I KNOW he would’ve interrupted me) him a letter. I divulged everything and anything about how I STILL feel to this day about him, that I have gave him plenty of space to “think”, that obviously my feelings are truly authentic if after a year I still feel the same, that can’t let love just pass on by because of pride, and if he no longer feels the same way to just say it, no sugar-coating, I’m a big girl I can handle it. And much more. I realized after sending it that I didn’t put a return address on the outside, so if he never got it, I would never get it back either. So I texted him asking if he received what I sent and he said he did and that he has a lot of thinking to do still. Asked myself, what the heck had he been doing for this past year then? But anyway, I just said that I was just making sure it was received. And I hear nothing again for couple months and then he IM’s me……asking for his fuckin STEIN (large Oktoberfest mug) that he left at my house last year!!!!! WTF! Let’s just say that convo ended abruptly. So in the end, in your opinion, I want to know is there ANY sense at all holding onto hope that he still might have feelings for me? Or is it a lost cause? I think this is me making excuses, but I thought to myself, if he didn’t have any feelings left then why wouldn’t he just say so like I asked him to? BUT, I have a feeling I’m being a stupid girl.
Move the fuck on already. He has.
You’re the one who initially broke it off. You fucked it up. Own up to the consequences and get on with your life.
Not to rub it your face, but stop and consider how fucking pathetic it is to spend an entire year pining away for the kind of douchebag who gets possessive over a ceramic beer mug.
Have some fucking dignity. Smash that stein with a hammer, mail the pieces back to him, and go get laid by a guy who lives in your area code.