On nationality

What are your thoughts on dating Persian men?

Based on the overly aggressive, mildly annoying way you submitted this question seventeen times in a row, I’m gonna go ahead and assume that you’re Persian.

I’m also going to assume that what you’re really doing is asking me to speak on behalf of all LA party girls as to why you’re constantly being rejected in the clubs. You’re using me as a barometer to measure whether there’s any latent cultural bias out there.

You’ve seen the kind of shit I talk, and you want to use any derogatory statements I might make as ammunition in your pity party. You can’t wait for me to start throwing around words like swarthy, sleazy, greasy, and creepy so that you can quietly self-confirm that it’s not your fault — stuck-up bitches just hate on Persians.

Well, the real answer is going to annoy you. I don’t care about nationality. I don’t want to care about nationality. If you happen to be Persian, fine cool whatever. On the other hand, if you identify as a Persian, I’m much less likely to give you the time of day.

Now, don’t get your Ed Hardy briefs in a twist. The same goes for every nationality. I don’t care if you’re Persian, Israeli, Armenian, Mexican, Irish, or motherfucking Cherokee. If the most interesting thing about you is based on whatever war-torn shit-hole your grandparents decided to flee, I’m just not going to be that interested.

Nationality is right up there with religion and professional sports teams as one of the most annoying things that one-dimesional, weak-minded people use as a substitute for an actual personality.


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