On post-pubescent bullshit.

One day I accidently stumbled on your tumblr (ha thats funny), and found your shit hilarious, and so fucking true. I enjoy reading the advice you give other people, so I decided to what the heck let me give it a try. Let me throw my quarter-life crisis on this complete stranger. Alright, so I’m 20, a girl, and currently single. I was talking to this girl before, for like 3 months. Shit ended, cuz she didn’t see herself “romantically involved” with me, the end. But of course I made it my utmost priority to get drunk and make an ass out of myself by drunk dialing and telling her I really liked her but i was afraid she might hurt me like my ex. I repented and decided just to be done with that shit. A month passes, and I find out she has a girlfriend. We went to this camp training for a weekend for this summer job we work together in, and she tells me, she wants things not to be weird, and shit. So of course I get drunk the 4th of july, weeks before the camp, and make another fucking asshole of myself. This time I repent hard, cuz she threw that shit about us being “co-workers” and that we have to have respect and bounderies (co-workers my fucking ass, i don’t go around sucking my co-workers tits), anywhoo. I break off, any and all communications with her, and swear on everything I love I will not drunk text again. So far, so good. Camp came. I’m better than ever and our friendship is good once again. We have a little staff party afterwards, I get shitaced, and were making out in the couch, and I left her hickeys. (important note: the girl is straight edge, cuz she used to fuck with hard shit before and it led to no good, so shes fucking sober). alright so whatever, the weeks that come I’m messing with her whenever i can’t walk straight, and my sober times, were text messaging “cute” shit! OK, so finally, last week we all go out for one of our friends birthday at a gay club. I ended up making out with her on the dance floor and doing shit in the bathroom (again im 10 drinks deep in this and shes sober and conscious to the say the least of the situation). We say we miss each other, she tells me she wants to see me when im sober, and it seems to be growing into like a another part 2. oh yeah i forgot to mention, that same exact day, she had broken up with her gf. so that night i told her i didnt want to be a rebound, and that im trying REALLY hard to stay celibate for the person i really like. and shes like yeah we dont have to fuck, we can just make out and cuddle. So were cute and taking pictures, and whatever. BUT we leave and she doesn’t even say bye. she just walks away. I texted her that same night, and told her I meant everything i said especially the rebound shit. never got a reply. the next day my phone was turned off, and it was gonna be for 4 days, so i wrote her a facebook message letting her know my phone was off and that if she replied i didnt get it, and to facebook me instead. (i know what youre thinking, at this point you think im fucking pathetic, I agree)…the girl replies: No i didnt write anything back, hope things work out with your mom………exact words. nothing else. in my head i was like fuck you, go to fucking hell, you fucking play too many fucking games, so i deleted my facebook, i erased her number, and i blocked her off my aim. question: why on earth would anyone do that?

Ok CONFESSION: so that same club night i had gone out with another friend/staff to a movie before hand. someone i used to fuck around with before. I thought it was on the DL, but apparently there is a fucking web (like the L word) and almost everyone knows. i was also kinda flirting with him that night, and she might or might not of seen me straddling him on a chair. :/

so im confused? what should i do?

ps: you are so awesome for reading all this post -pubescent bullshit, and if you can come up with anything as a response, it would be so fucking awesome. thanx.

Yours Truly,
Angry Bisexual

Angry bisexual? I think I’ll call you Abby for short.

Abby, sweetheart. You’re not having a quarter-life crisis. You’re not even having a pre-life crisis. Honestly, you’re writing to me about summer camp. I know, I know — it’s training for your job, but you didn’t call it a training weekend. You called it camp.

You use phrases like “straight edge.” You giggle about hickeys. The worst thing you can think to do to a person is delete them from your facebook. I swear, I can actually hear the helium in your voice.

You are confused because you are a selfish child, and if I told you the brutal truth about your situation it would seem cruel. It would be the equivalent of me sitting down an excited five year old on Christmas morning and calmly explaining that there is no Santa Claus.

You don’t need my advice any more than a kindergartner needs a lecture in particle physics. You need to go sit in the corner, young lady. You are on a “time out.”

Stop getting shit-faced, Abby. No one likes the sloppy drunk girl, and you clearly can’t handle your liquor.

Now I’m not suggesting you go all “straight edge.” Unless you’re legitimately in recovery, that kind of behavior is reserved for the worst kind of sanctimonious drama queens. Just have some fucking self-respect and learn to drink in moderation.

As for your confusion, it’s because you’re dizzy. I promise that feeling will go away when the earth stops revolving around you.

Best of luck with that.


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